Narcissistic behavior? HELP!

Hey

Allmost the day I turned eighteen, everything in my life seemed to change. I’m not sad anymore ( had been for a long time, 3 years maybe). Actually I don’t get sad about anything. My grandma died, we were really close, but I didn’t felt that sad. Point is, I’m not sad, but I’m defiantly not happy either. I feel extremely angry. Always! I used to be scared of a lot of things. I’m not anymore. Almost from one day to another all fairs seemed to disappear from my mind, and people often wonder how I can be so calm even in very stressful situations.

But that’s all good things. The bad things started about 8 months ago (it was always there, but now it started to effect my relationships) and just got worse from there. I’m extremely charismatic and intelligent (iq 130-140) but it’s mainly superficial. The closer people get to me, the more controlling I get. If given the chance I’ll decide what you’re supposed to do, eat and think. I’ll abuse people if I get the change and I have no respect for rules, they don’t apply to me and I can charm myself out of anything. Problems with the school, police, parents? Here I’ll let them win, tell them they are right and I’m sorry. But only to get what I want. Sadly this is the only time they will ever win an argument with me. I’ll only let other people talk down to me like that if I’m trying to impress them. Or in cases where I got full control over the situation, and only a little bit.

After I impressed the people around me the game begins. How much can I get out of them? How far can I push them? Unfortunately it’s impossible to control 50 people, and I lost most of my friends and I have less than 10 good friends left. But why? Why am I losing my friends? Because I hate them! The drag me down. I don’t need them if they are in my way. Give me what I want or go away! Like I said I’ll abuse anyone if I can, and I’ll hurt them in the process. At least if that’s what it takes. I’m also extremely aggressive if things go against me, I’ll get very angry if people try to correct me and tell them how stupid they are because they misunderstood me or didn’t listen to me and so on. Even if I’m really wrong. I’ll put the blame on others and I’ll hurt others in an attempt to make myself look better. I’m extremely manipulative. I’ll make people trust me and then abuse their trust. No exceptions!

I’ll also get rid of anyone who doesn’t give me what I want. I expect people around me to adore and respect me. I expect people to look at me and think I’m better than them and I got more rights than them. Somewhere I know I’m not, but……….. What I wish most in the whole world is that other people would adore me, and I’m very self-centered. I want people to look at me and think “his fantastic, I want to be like him, it’s sad that I can because his so much better than me” and anyone who don’t act like that is not my friend and I strongly dislike being close to people who don’t appreciate me. I have an excessive need for praise and attention. Ask anyone I know and they will tell you I’m the most self-centered and attention demanding person they have ever met.

I have almost no empathy for others. It’s not like I can’t see it sucks to be poor, handicapped or driven from your country and stuff like that. I just don’t care. I can see things from every perspective and tell you why people act like they do, but I don’t have respect for their actions, they are just stupid. Stupid or weak, and weak people deserve to be abused. If you leave yourself vulnerable it’s their felt if something bad happens to them. In the same way, I have no remorse. Everything I do is right, and I’m never wrong. A few weeks ago I made this list about myself.

I’m best at everything
I’m a winner
I’m always right
I never make mistakes
Everyone loves me
I’m the smartest
I know best
I’m kind to others
Everyone look up to me
I look good
I’m strong
I’m important
I know everything
Everyone who disagree with me is wrong
Everyone who talk bad about me is liars
All other opinions then mine is wrong
I will never take the blame for anything. This is a conversation between me and my gf. We had some candy from her father and we eat some of it. it’s some caramels and we ate a few of them two or so. Then she don’t want us to save the rest for the following days. I don’t remember the conversation word by word, but here is what happened

“oh have you eaten all the caramels?!” she sais
“yes, is that a problem?” mr
“yes, I told you to stop eating so we chould have some tomorrow!” her
“I don’t want them tomorrow, I wanted them now” me
“yes but I wanted some to!” her
“then you should have ate some” me
“but I wanted to save them” her
“okay, you should have told me then” me
“I did” her
“not clear enough” me
“I said to you, you should stop eating” her
“ no?” me
“yes I did and you’re not even sorry!” her
“no I didn’t do anything wrong!” me
“you ate all my caramels!” her
“yes but that’s you mistake, you should have stopped me” me
“but I didn’t saw that you were eating them!” her
“you should have paid more attention” me
“I just want you to sorry, but you just don’t care!” she starts to cry
“I’m sorry sweetheart I don’t want you to be sad” I hold her “but it’s really not my mistake” I end the conversation. After that she gave up and we were friends again. Or she got happy again, my mood didn’t changed much doing the conversation.

I’m always like that towards everyone!

The reason why I think this might be a little problem with of the aggressive Narcissistic behavior, is that I have noticed that people like me less than they used to. So any advice or personal experience related to those problems is very welcome

Yep, sounds pretty narcky to me.

But, I have no advice. I'm BPD.


AMP

If it looks like a Narc and sounds like a narc. Most likely it is a Narc.

Your list is comprehensive but it is about what you do. You need to look inside to tell whether you are playing at being narcy or are actually one. NPDs talk about having an absence of emotion, like there is a void inside.They don't know what to feel and so they mimic other people. They mirror emotions. It is like other people have to interpret the emotional world for them. They become the actor because they don't know their true selves. It is a defense strategy that isn't something that they chose. This is how they have developed as a result of their childhood.They often cannot love anyone, but spend their lives desperately seeking admiration to counteract this feeling of inner emptiness.

You, on the other hand seem to have experienced emotions. There is something there with your grandmother. You might think life has betrayed you. You might be angry, sad or frightened. You don't really know what to feel when someone you love dies. Grief could have been the start of this. You are at that age when life starts to have expectations of us. You are in transition to that adult way of operating. Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. You make the choice. When you do things that are empowering and encouraging and enriching, you benefit. Then there is that alternate route that looks easy but has you fronting up to angry parents, school and the law. What way are you about?

You may have traits or you may be pathological.

But as far as being "close" to your grandmother. That's not something I would say as a narcissist myself. I've never felt "close" to anyone. NEVER. Never had any friends, let alone 50 people. I am simply unable to form bonds and I just hang with people that are around or available. I can go to a bar or something and find someone to hang out with and the level of attachment would be no different than someone I've known all my life.

My own mother even said she doesn't know who the hell I am. So what does that tell you about the narcs ability to form a healthy human bond?

Your story about the caramels was amusing. I didn't see narc behavior though. I think you're just a jerk.

Okay, let’s start at the beginning and see what’s happening : )

margharris wrote:

margharris wrote: Your list is comprehensive but it is about what you do.

I see… what I do is what “worries me” I’ll try to explain it better now : ) I’ll really try to think about what I feel and try to figure out why I do things the way I do. I like to say I have a lot of self-knowledge and I hope it will help me now : )

margharris wrote: You need to look inside to tell whether you are playing at being narcy or are actually one

I might just be playing. One of the reasons why I’m here is to figure that out. I started to act like this long before I even knew what a narc was. I found out because one of my friends told me I was narcissistic and I was like “hell no man” so I went home and googled narcissism and then I found out most of the traits (if not all of them) was fitting perfectly on me.

margharris wrote:NPDs talk about having an absence of emotion, like there is a void inside.

I know everything about having a void inside. I feel empty. I don’t know where this emptiness comes from. I feel like nothing matters except fore me of course I do have emotions. I’m feeling happy if I had success with something. But I don’t get happy to see other people except they bring me something I want. I rarely fell joy from seeing family members, my friends or my gf. I just put up some sort of “fake smile” because I don’t know what else to do. In other cases I just do nothing at all. I also fell angry mainly when challenged, confronted with failure or things didn’t go the way I expected them to. Finally I get sad from time to time. I get sad if people don’t appreciate me or my work, doesn’t want to talk to me or generally just from being “not loved” also if I failed something or did bad. I rarely doubt myself, but if I do I’ll get extremely depressed.

margharris wrote:They don't know what to feel and so they mimic other people.

I often react the same way as others, but if I think about it I don’t really feel the way I act. I can pretend to be angry or mimic other emotions or to pretend to care about something if I can see other people does, or for other reasons like I try to impress someone, but I really don’t care. Actually I’m a pretty good actor

margharris wrote:It is like other people have to interpret the emotional world for them. They become the actor because they don't know their true selves.

I’m not sure I understand this? I’m not easily influenced by others. If I put something in my head it’s really hard to change it, and I won’t give in to anyone ever!! Also I won’t change to fit in. people change to fit in with me, and if they don’t. well they always do ; )

I also really don’t understand other people’s emotions. I mean I can see if they are angry, happy, sad and so on, but only if I look at them and try to figure out what they feel. If I don’t do this, I won’t notice. What I don’t understand is why they fell like they do. Like right now my gf is angry, or sad or something I don’t know because she don’t think I give her enough love and I’m like “wtf? I give you what you need, be happy for what you get!” point is, why is she angry/sad or whatever she is? I really don’t get it?

margharris wrote:This is how they have developed as a result of their childhood

Yes I know? I didn’t had any traumatic experiences in my childhood (if I had I don’t remember) but I was really sick a lot. I mean like go to the hospital two times a week sick and stuff like that. My mother is really nice. She did a lot of good things for me, but don’t really remember, I don’t think a lot of my childhood. I was/am very spoiled and I was rarely punished and I’m much favorised over my siblings. I always get what I want and I’m very pervasive. However I might have coursed some trouble. I remember my mom wanted to send me away, but she never did. Maybe she was to weak to get rid of her problem I don’t know? But I guess we are a lot closer now. I don’t think she knows I remember.

margharris wrote: They often cannot love anyone, but spend their lives desperately seeking admiration to counteract this feeling of inner emptiness.

Define not to love? Also whats wrong in making your life matters? The whole world is just against you. But why not try if you know you can make the world a better place if people just gave you the chance? It’s hard to get things done if you are held down by others all the time.

margharris wrote: You might think life has betrayed you

Life is the same to everyone. It won’t hold you down. Other people will.

margharris wrote: You might be angry, sad or frightened

I’m never frightened, I know I can overcome any challenge. But the other two should be described above

margharris wrote:You don't really know what to feel when someone you love dies. Grief could have been the start of this.

Grief? No, I got happy, she was sick and in agony. I said goodbye to her one week before she died and never visited her again. I told my family I had said goodbye and there was no reason to go again. And there was not. She was already dead in my eyes + why waste so many good hours watching an old lady sleep? Also she left me 20.000 USD and stuff for 5000USD so I wasn’t in grief, it was the best fore everyone.

margharris wrote: You are in transition to that adult way of operating. Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident

People always had high expectations to me. My dad wanted me to be like him. His really successful making tens of millions of USD every year. My mom is the total opposite making less then 40.000USD every year. My dad had success because he made smart choices and my mom didn’t because she made stupid choices. U know what, I don’t make stupid choices. No one is going to tell me what to do, because I’m smart, and eventually everyone else is going to drag me down. I would be better off alone.

margharris wrote: Then there is that alternate route that looks easy but has you fronting up to angry parents, school and the law. What way are you about?

I’m too smart to get into trouble with anyone. I had problems with the law a few times, but I always charmed and lied my way out of it. Also…. My dad has taught me one thing and one thing only. Never give up, because sooner or later, everyone else will.

SniffTheNarc wrote:

SniffTheNarc wrote: But as far as being "close" to your grandmother. That's not something I would say as a narcissist myself. I've never felt "close" to anyone.

What is close? I don’t think we put the same meaning in this word. It’s not like we had a deep emotional bond or something. Or at least I didn’t. She might have had. I feel close to my friends to, but I they died I would have other friends. People say friends are fore life. well they are not.

SniffTheNarc wrote: Never had any friends, let alone 50 people. I am simply unable to form bonds and I just hang with people that are around or available.

Again, what meaning do you put in the word friends? I’m highly social, but nothing last forever, and none of them is so importent that I will fight for them if they don’t do as they are told. I’m very dominating, and people do what I want or they are not my friends anymore. Remember, friends are tools to get what you want. If you can’t use them for anything. Why have them? I know everyone don’t think that way, but they should.

SniffTheNarc wrote:My own mother even said she doesn't know who the hell I am. So what does that tell you about the narcs ability to form a healthy human bond?

Nothing, it tell me you don’t know how to manipulate others to think they are close and they should help you. She’s your mom, she loves you. If you convince her she ownes you something, she will do anything for you.

SniffTheNarc wrote:Your story about the caramels was amusing. I didn't see narc behavior though. I think you're just a jerk.

You found it amusing. That makes your worse to find others pain funny through you got nothing out of it makes you more like me then you can imagine

thelight wrote:it was the best fore everyone.

if you have an iq of 130-140, why do you spell like a dumba@@?

thelight wrote:I’m very dominating, and people do what I want or they are not my friends anymore.

i'll keep it in mind, and what did you want anyway?
i'd be happy to help if i can.

1. i'm from Denmark, that means my English won’t be perfect.
2. Most IQ test don’t test your ability to spell right, but focus on math and logic

What I want? It’s varies, hard to know. Depends on my mood and situation.

P.S tried to ad a picture of my latest IQ test but I got
Could not upload attachment to ./files/78687_42afb1b2fffa245de06e84d87404347e.

thelight wrote:i'm from Denmark, that means my English won’t be perfect.

your english is quite passable for a stinky cheese eater, and youre right, i like you more, the more i hear. i guess thats just evidence of your mad manipulation skillset. i'll be sure to seed any future correspondence with obscure north american pop culture references that will challenge your faculties, bird's the word!

thelight wrote:Most IQ test don’t test your ability to spell right, but focus on math and logic

most people who score 130 to 140 on an IQ test and who are widely read are excellent spellers, e.g. correlation.

thelight wrote:What I want? It’s varies, hard to know. Depends on my mood and situation.

hard for me to provide that for which you are unable to formulate a desire. so, how's your mood and what's the situation? med ondt, skal ondt fordrives.

thelight wrote:P.S tried to ad a picture of my latest IQ test but I got
Could not upload attachment to ./files/78687_42afb1b2fffa245de06e84d87404347e.

hvis og hvis min røv er spids og fyldt med marmelade. neither your technical prowess nor your professed iq score are of concern.

besides, narcs of your flavor are complete liars and anything they say is invariably exaggerated to shade their actual accomplishments/abilities in what they deem is a positive manner. this derives in part from their own fundamental doubt in their abilities, and this doubt is almost always well founded in reality.

so although you have no doubt exaggerated your own iq as much as your report of your father's income, in truth, you will likely never live up to even your fathers slimmed down stature. enhver er sin egen lykkes smed.

like i said before, happy to help, so let me know in case theres anything i can do.
wish you well!

I don’t have to justify anything to you, your words are irrelevant. I know what I’m telling you is true, and what you think is unimportant.

I also promise you I’m not trying to manipulate anyone

thelight wrote:I know what I’m telling you is true, and what you think is unimportant.

delusion is a comfortable castle. lige ved og næsten slår ingen mand af hesten.

thelight wrote:I also promise you I’m not trying to manipulate anyone

i'll take your word for it. glædelig jul!
the road you're on is a rocky one, but i wish you well in your journey.