No one gets it

I spent many years living with a NPD. We divorced last year. The divorce process is a story for another time. Right now I am in a custody battle with her. She systematically built a case against me with carefully worded emails and accusations that I am a bad parent.

My ex is an unbelievably horrible person. I didn't know people like that existed. I was abused and didn't even know it. She used gaslighting so much that towards the end it was just as simple as saying I did something. I wouldn't even argue.

My problem now is that I am finding it hard to get the various people to believe me. I was seeing a Psychologist and he didn't really get it. I also saw a therapists before him. He didn't know what to say either. I need someone to get the picture and I grow tired of telling my story. Its humiliating.

I have one hope. The courts have ordered her to get a psyc eval. I am told this guy is good. I pray to every god that will listen that he is. Is there any argument among processionals about the validity of NPD. I know Dissociative disorder is questionable for many. Hopefully NPD is widely accepted. If not, that means she is a sociopath, I suppose.

She is very skilled at what she does. Watching her manipulate our marriage counselor was just surreal. She basically guided him as to what to say and think. I feel like a proper diagnosis will help me now and down the road and this is my only chance. It will be 10 years before my children are 18. 10 years.

If she is diagnosed properly and its recognized by the courts, can I expect that to help me when she takes another shot at me? does it even matter in the long term? Can I expect to feel a little safer at some point.

My friend,

These are questions that only a lawyer/solicitor should answer. You mentioned that you are finding it hard to get 'various people' to believe you - In what sense? I mean, what are they not believing about your story? People who exhibit NPD symptoms can be quite manipulative and are used to getting their way. In many cases, the option of not getting their way simply doesn't exist and they would try anthing to ensure that things work out in their liking.

An important thing to do is to remember to maintain your composure at all times. I mean, don't be drawn into petty arguments by her and keep everything strictly 'adult' and mature. I would avoid taking the blame for things too, like you have been doing, as this just makes her see you as a toy. Instead, just don't bother responding and effectively ignore her.

Ultimately, seek legal advice... it's something we don't offer here I'm afraid.

Good luck to you my friend
Kevin

Chucky wrote:My friend,
You mentioned that you are finding it hard to get 'various people' to believe you - In what sense?

I think most of us who have struggled with a narcissistic abuser know exactly what LTJames means. It means the narcissistic abuser is better able to convince those relevant people about them that they are the innocent party and their victim is the actual abuser or unstable one. Standard narcissistic behaviour. I hope the psychologist can pick up on it but I think it could be difficult in just one or two assessments.

I am in a similar situation of divorcing an N. We have a 2 year old daughter together. I have been drug through this process for a year now and counting. It appears even though the social worker and psychologist know that he is not 'normal' he will still likely get standard visitation with her. He has given me the silent treatment since this ordeal started, save abusive emails he sends in the middle of the night. It's near impossible to co-parent a child this young when the other parent refuses to speak to you. So far no one involved seems to think this is a huge issue We went to therapy prior to me filing for divorce in an attempt to save the marriage. This is when I first learned of NPD. The therapist suggested to me that he may have it. The next time I saw her without him I told her I researched it and believed she was right. She denied ever saying it Through this process we have both had psychological evaluations. The pschologist all but said he had it to me. He did say that he has a 'narcissistic attachment' to our daughter. He did not diagnose him in the report though. He eludes to it and describes behavior that is consistent with it, but the words 'narcissistic' or 'peronality disorder' are not once written. No one in this process is willing to call a spade, a spade. My attorney seems to really 'get it', but she has told me to not mention NPD because the courts don't really think much of it In my experience...the courts don't act much on psychological, emotional damage or the threat of it. There has to be a danger of physical harm or proof of physical harm. I have ordered a couple of books to read 1.) Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Borderline or Narcissitic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard A. Warshak. I haven't read them yet but by reading the reviews on Amazon they seem like they will be helpful. I hope to learn as much as I can to protect our daughter and myself. Good luck to you and I would suggest you find an attorney that understands your situation. You may research parental alienation also.

Yep, been there. I'm crazy. I abused him. Doesn't help that I tried to commit suicide and am also cluster B (not that anyone knows of my disorder). But yes, nobody believes a freaking thing I say about him. Not even people on these boards sometimes. So I get you LT. I know how awful it is. It's like being gaslighted by the universe. Like you're standing in the middle of the room screaming "I'M NOT CRAZY!" and the fact that you're screaming only makes you look crazier.

Hang in there. It does get better. As far as the courts are concerned, it comes down to the facts.DON'T WRITE ANYTHING TO HER OR TEXT. Any evidence she has will be used to hang you. Narcs are masterful at leaving no trail - no witnesses, nothing.

Take care of yourself. Hopefully it helps to know you are not alone. And message me anytime as well.

xxxx
EC

Thanks for the responses. I'm trying to hang in there. I'm fairly certain I have PTSD. The details of my circumstances as a result of the gaslighting are a horror. I have such paranoia that I don't even trust my own lawyer. I'm in therapy and trying trying to hang on to any glimmer of hope I can find.

LTJames wrote:I spent many years living with a NPD. We divorced last year. The divorce process is a story for another time. Right now I am in a custody battle with her. She systematically built a case against me with carefully worded emails and accusations that I am a bad parent.

My ex is an unbelievably horrible person. I didn't know people like that existed. I was abused and didn't even know it. She used gaslighting so much that towards the end it was just as simple as saying I did something. I wouldn't even argue.

My problem now is that I am finding it hard to get the various people to believe me. I was seeing a Psychologist and he didn't really get it. I also saw a therapists before him. He didn't know what to say either. I need someone to get the picture and I grow tired of telling my story. Its humiliating.

I have one hope. The courts have ordered her to get a psyc eval. I am told this guy is good. I pray to every god that will listen that he is. Is there any argument among processionals about the validity of NPD. I know Dissociative disorder is questionable for many. Hopefully NPD is widely accepted. If not, that means she is a sociopath, I suppose.

She is very skilled at what she does. Watching her manipulate our marriage counselor was just surreal. She basically guided him as to what to say and think. I feel like a proper diagnosis will help me now and down the road and this is my only chance. It will be 10 years before my children are 18. 10 years.

If she is diagnosed properly and its recognized by the courts, can I expect that to help me when she takes another shot at me? does it even matter in the long term? Can I expect to feel a little safer at some point.

I'm sorry. You claim someone else has a mental disorder then admit that you think you have PTSD... PTSD is closely linked with cluster B disorders. I dismissed most of what you said simply because i think you're looking for sympathy. To feed your own disorder. No one is a fcking sociopath. Sociopathy is psychopathology, and psychopathology en-composes all of mental disorders.

Leave and never come back... Because I am back and will call out the retarded for who they are.

I'm seeing a lot of empathy in this last post..............perhaps you would make an excellent grief counsellor.

Haha. I don't even remember my anger in that last post. Maybe I'm marking my territory again?

Might also stem from a recent paper that showed that PTSD and Cluster B disorders are intimately linked. Specifically that Cluster B disorders arise from a type of PTSd that results from childhood. Really interesting paper actually.


I also hate stupid people.

But you aren't calling anyone stupid.........just to be clear moderators.......



Yeah.......PTSD..........i sometimes think back to my early childhood, and wonder if i had BPD before the trauma...........but then i think, my mother was trauma.........that the earliest trauma, was just her volatile nature.


I mean..........i don't know much/anything about PTSD.........but it seems, we only develop coping mechanisms because of trauma! LOL
So in a way.......it makes sense, that we could all be considered to have PTSD........but if we all have it, then do any of us have it?
It's kind of like.........well, of course we have it........that's the first building block............


It sounds like a seriously obvious paper..........but i'm generally against papers to begin with!