can NPD have high empathy thats real ?

From what i have been hearing NPD is so selfish that its hard to produce empathy if that will interfere with your needs. The real test is when friends. loved ones are ill.

I got a 50% rating on an online test for NPD. yes i am a perfectionist in my science and creative projects, but not at all with people. Its mostly free and easy. If somebody i like never mind love gets ill it shakes me up. I get depressed, have sleep problems, am tearful. Drop everything to try to help them. And not for others to see. I am not motivated by what others think of me. My life gets totally derailed if a friend is ill. I start questioning life, meaning etc and come out the other end a different person.


Eh how can i have NPD with that process... two online tests give ma a 50%.

Online tests really aren't a great way to diagnose yourself with anything! Please don't give them much credence at all!

Your best bet, if you think you have a problem, is to talk to your doctor or a therapist.

The answer is yes. Lack of empathy is one of only nine traits of NPD.

Leviathan wrote:The answer is yes. Lack of empathy is one of only nine traits of NPD.

+1 to that.

In fact, I won't be surprised if there are Narcs (maybe some in these forums?) who use "superior/high empathy" (partially correct) as part of their narcissistic sense of superiority.

AlAtBar wrote:

Leviathan wrote:The answer is yes. Lack of empathy is one of only nine traits of NPD.

+1 to that.

In fact, I won't be surprised if there are Narcs (maybe some in these forums?) who use "superior/high empathy" (partially correct) as part of their narcissistic sense of superiority.

I know, i had a part time research assistant job with a NPD psychologist. We had a good relationship for years on voluntary research project till he tried to employ me. Then i was getting blasted with all this stuff about caring and setting up a business that care etc etc, whole philosophy of caring blah, blah. Well it had me roped in, but other things were not adding up for me fully so i never quit my other job totally.

First thing he does while trying to secure a business premises is pull a stunt to have some students evicted on a pretext (they hadnt tidied their flat). Right away i thought wooah this is not the actions of somebody with a generalized philosophy of caring. On day one i was in conflict with him, by saying i aint going to go along with his decisions if i dont like them, and it proceeded that way on and off, till i realised right NPD delusion. He deludes himself he is all caring and brilliant and just left that job. Bit of BPD in there i think which allowed him self delusion, or maybe its NPD. Im not a psychologist.

AlAtBar wrote:

Leviathan wrote:The answer is yes. Lack of empathy is one of only nine traits of NPD.

+1 to that.

In fact, I won't be surprised if there are Narcs (maybe some in these forums?) who use "superior/high empathy" (partially correct) as part of their narcissistic sense of superiority.

I know, i had a part time research assistant job with a NPD psychologist. We had a good relationship for years on voluntary research project till he tried to employ me. Then i was getting blasted with all this stuff about caring and setting up a business that care etc etc, whole philosophy of caring blah, blah. Well it had me roped in, but other things were not adding up for me fully so i never quit my other job totally.

First thing he does while trying to secure a business premises is pull a stunt to have some students evicted on a pretext (they hadnt tidied their flat). Right away i thought wooah this is not the actions of somebody with a generalized philosophy of caring. On day one i was in conflict with him, by saying i aint going to go along with his decisions if i dont like them, and it proceeded that way on and off, till i realised right NPD delusion. He deludes himself he is all caring and brilliant and just left that job. Bit of BPD in there i think which allowed him self delusion, or maybe its NPD. Im not a psychologist.

I can tell you that the person most "distraught" at a death is often my narcissistic mum. She sees it as a chance to get in touch with her emotions possibly. Once I would have said she was just faking but now I doubt that's how it feels to her. If you look carefully though the significance for her is always how the death affected her - it's not the same as empathy for the person or what they would have wanted afterwards or help for those they've left behind.

AlAtBar wrote:

Leviathan wrote:The answer is yes. Lack of empathy is one of only nine traits of NPD.

+1 to that.

kinda disagree, cause untreated narcissistic personality structure and real empathy are not really compatible.

AlAtBar wrote:In fact, I won't be surprised if there are Narcs (maybe some in these forums?) who use "superior/high empathy" (partially correct) as part of their narcissistic sense of superiority.

Al, I'd ne pretty sure you're right there.In response to this:

Anais wrote:I can tell you that the person most "distraught" at a death is often my narcissistic mum. She sees it as a chance to get in touch with her emotions possibly. Once I would have said she was just faking but now I doubt that's how it feels to her. If you look carefully though the significance for her is always how the death affected her - it's not the same as empathy for the person or what they would have wanted afterwards or help for those they've left behind.

Its not empathy. Its something to do with self-image, or something people want for themselves. i know NPD is a set of criteria, but in that sense imho its badly constructed criteria.

Anais wrote:I can tell you that the person most "distraught" at a death is often my narcissistic mum. She sees it as a chance to get in touch with her emotions possibly. Once I would have said she was just faking but now I doubt that's how it feels to her. If you look carefully though the significance for her is always how the death affected her - it's not the same as empathy for the person or what they would have wanted afterwards or help for those they've left behind.

Anais, my shrink tells me that NPDs are extremely afraid of death, more so than most. I understand this, as I am the same way. A death rattles me because I'm afraid of dying myself. Not existing is a terribly frightening thing. When my grandfather died, it was very hard for me to feel anything other than fear of death for myself. I couldn't really empathize with my family's loss well, but only felt this extreme fear of death. Perhaps this is part of why your mother is so rattled over a death, if she's an N. I also have BPD fears of being abandoned when other family members die.

rogerharris wrote:I got a 50% rating on an online test for NPD.

I just noticed this^

You mean tests like similarminds ?

If you're going to put your trust in online tests,

41% is AVERAGE.

50% would be pretty non-diagnostic, i.e. does not indicate NPD.

Also, perfectly healthy people can take those things and come out as having PDs. You might rate yourself as "extremely like" a trait when the next person who take it is twice as bad.

connector122001 wrote:Anais, my shrink tells me that NPDs are extremely afraid of death, more so than most. I understand this, as I am the same way. A death rattles me because I'm afraid of dying myself. Not existing is a terribly frightening thing. When my grandfather died, it was very hard for me to feel anything other than fear of death for myself. I couldn't really empathize with my family's loss well, but only felt this extreme fear of death. Perhaps this is part of why your mother is so rattled over a death, if she's an N. I also have BPD fears of being abandoned when other family members die.

I find dying maybe a little bit scary (not surprising since no one can ever tell you what its like!)

What is it about not existing that's terrifying?