What Do You Have To Do To Hear I LOVE YOU From A Narcissist

What do you have to do to hear the words I love you come out the mouth of a narc...when I was with a narc I told him I loved him after a month of dating..he denied it and claimed it to early..thrn I was wuickly devalued..now this 21 year old narc who left me for a 17 yearold..who said I love you to him..he is now parading his undying love all over her facebook and his saying he loves her..she loves him..its sickning..he met her a month after me..she just turned 18?...he likes virgins and lesbians..it makes him feel acomplished or cgallenged..is that why he choose her to love..shesalso bi...she makes a excuse for everything he does..says oh hesnot a narc hes just cocky..people can change..then she says she dont get her feelings involve shes young..well after I spoke to her she went right back to him and loved him evrn more saying she will nrver leave him..

My wuestion is why did he choose her over me? Im 28..when I asked him who she was he said she h
Just is someone helping me with my parties..then after I told ger that we had sex he got mad and said we was never in a relationship ..and how im not his ex..thsts a lie he told everyone I was his gf and wife..we held hands and went outsideshowing affection..we did habe sex a lot..his excuse was it was all just sex..im broken ..he met me in oct left me in nov..and hobered me until april..6 gf later after me..he got back with the 17 year old in march..had sex with me in april..i told her about it in may..she befriended me..said gesjust cocky and she dont understand why he woyld leave someone as pretty as me..then in june I got intouch with her ..she said they was over she left him because he was disrispectfuk wend flirting way too much..he wanted her to stay ..she revealed to me at that time she was only 17..i got pisseed and cussed his ass out..ge always calked me old but hes with a minor..he didnt answer me..she startedback talking to him..i told her I can nolonger speak with her ..she then got back with him today..he is ignoring me..she also is ignoring me..now shes fully brainwashed..one thing I know she gives people a lot of attention..she was hitting me up on fb evrryday..i know he loves the attention..

Hes not speaking and I gave now gave up..i love him bit he choose her to love..why????

Firstly, he probably doesn't "love" her in the sense you mean. One of the N's I think posting here said once that the closest they come to feeling love is feeling "I like how I feel when I am with you". The fact he is saying he is in love doesn't necessarily mean he feels it. People (not just N's) say all kinds of crap when it suits them to get their own ends.

Secondly, your actual question is an age old one and has nothing to do with him being a N. It is "how can he like someone else when I like him so much".

Unfortunately, why people choose a particular partner/ fall in love/ get obsessed with individuals is entirely out of their control (and more importantly yours). It's a combo of things like early imprinting ("she subconciously reminds me of my mother"), sexual chemisty ("you smell good to me because your genes are different and we'd genetically have good kids"), past experiences("you look like my first love") etc etc. Basically things out of a human's control.

The fact you like him doesn't not mean he is obliged to like you back - any more than a man with a crush on you is entitled to your love.

Sorry - I know it doesn't make it any better. But you do need to realise it isn't about you or anything *wrong* with you. Time will heal this you know it will.

As a Narc, perhaps I can answer your question. It is indeed rare--extremely rare--that I tell anyone I love them. The words just make me feel very ashamed and are hard to get out. It's easier for me to tell a pet I love it than to tell that to a human being. The most likely situation in which you will hear a Narc say "I love you" is if he/she wants sex and is sure to get it by saying this phrase.

I have also been obsessed--not in love--with someone to the point I would tell other people about my "love" for the person about whom I was obsessed. However, my therapist/psychiatrist says that this is not real love b/c I would potentially stalk this person, which implies doing them harm. I have stalked in the past, so it is not out of the question for the future.

Let me know if I can answer anything else for you.

Happybusyfun..thankyou so much you made me feel so much better..i too agree that this may not be real love..everything sounds too shady..they both sound needy and aftaid to be alone..he is a cheater and manipultor..he could not change since april after he hoovered me while I was nc..and slept with me in april..no one changes especilly a npd in a coupke of months..she even told me they broke up in june because he disrespected her and walked off when she was talking also she said he is a flirt..when actually he does more than flirt..i told her he cheated on her with me only because he said he lovef her I was angry..and for that he devalued me..i nolonger exists in his head

-- Wed Jul 13, 2011 8:06 pm --

Connecter..why do I feel that its not over..even though I know it is he will never come back to me after that..but why is there something about npds that make it feel as if..even if we do wrong by them..which usually mean stand up for yourself as a woman..he makes me feel as if I still can habe a chance. Why? Or is that my hpd..i think thats what im chasing..his welcoming hands thats wraped around hihs gf..i feel as if I can still have him..

-- Wed Jul 13, 2011 8:06 pm --

Connecter..why do I feel that its not over..even though I know it is he will never come back to me after that..but why is there something about npds that make it feel as if..even if we do wrong by them..which usually mean stand up for yourself as a woman..he makes me feel as if I still can habe a chance. Why? Or is that my hpd..i think thats what im chasing..his welcoming hands thats wraped around hihs gf..i feel as if I can still have him..[/quote]


I think that he may need you as a source of narcissistic supply. In that sense, you may still have a chance with him. Manipulate him to get him back. Werk it gurl!

Lmao you are so funny "work it girl".... i will work it lol..whats a really good way to get him to respond and get him back..something good and secure to catch him..i only have one shot what would work on you to get ypu back after I have been devalued and your "in love" lol now...gimme something good..

-- Thu Jul 14, 2011 5:35 am --

Ya well connecter..i tried to apolagize and stroke his ego.by saying hes mature for not flipping out on me when he saw me..it backfired on me and didnt work..he ignord me again ..im officially discarded..in the trash..i guess that look in his eye that I saw was pure disgust..maybe he does love her..oh well I wish him well..i deactivated my fb page again..couldnt bare the sikence of the silent treatment..he gives me..its torture..im embareassed and hurt..i was on 3 days nc since I saw him..i didnt want to hit him up at all...i kbew the outcone..he just posted " who loves you" for his gf..she said "you"...im done finally finished with that boy ..im sick to my stomach with him..i was wrong he obviously doesnt want me..im a pick up the last tiny but if dignaty I have and never talk to him again..back to day 1 of nc ..

what I didnt tell you is tgat I have been hitting him up every day on fb since it all happend in april..stopoed then started in may again..mainly saying hus gf is nothing and being with a 17 yearold is rape..also just saying hesa complete narc..then switching and asking him to come over..so when I stopped 4 days afo I wanted to keep the remaining dignity I gad and go full nc..but I took your advice just now try to be manipulitive by playing nice and stroking his ego..it didnt work all it made mr look like was a emotional nutcase that keep deactivating her account then coming back..narc dont like emotions it shows weakness..i showed him how weak again I am..and he took the oppyrtunity to ignore me again..im done..im moving on..she can keep him..i lost tgats all I lost

I read all 3 of the threads you started.

The relationship is over and he's dating other women. Isn't that a relief? Now he is not your problem. He got over it 6 girlfriends ago. You no longer provide anything he needs, and he is done with you. Don't you find that liberating? You no longer have to serve him and worry about bruising his ego.

In one of your posts you say you have sent him a whole bunch of mail and he has not been responding. I don't think this is "the silent treatment" because he doesn't need to punish you. You are his ex. I think he simply has no reason to talk to you. I also think you won't gain anything from talking to him. The best thing to do would be to stop talking to him, stop thinking about him, and act like he never happened. Your life would probably be better without him. If you still see him a lot because you know the same people, be cordial and try to forgive him, but don't get intimate with him.

I think you posted about this on the HPD, site, did you not?

I hate, absolutely HATE, to be brutal here, but here are a couple things that i'm understanding, and correct me if I'm wrong. This is PROBABLY going to trigger. Just a heads up.

You sound like you're BEGGING him to come back to you? If you are, in fact, begging him, a N could care less, and you are MOST likely devalued forever. Emailing someone on FB daily is basically begging. No matter what the message. It's a scream for attention (which we're ALL guilty of).

You have attempted to be friends with this girl who was your "lil sis", but ended up backstabbing you and getting with this (barely) older-than-her guy, when the guy is so much younger than you? You need someone over the age of 25. Of course a 21 year old is out for sex with an 18 yr old. That's common sense.

Also, NO man, N or not, wants to be contacted daily on FB, unless you're TOGETHER and you do it MUTUALLY. Otherwise, you make yourself out to be the stalker/fool. I'm sorry, but the rest of the world is reading too. Not just the three of you, and to be honest,it's the TWO of them PLUS you. Not an "us". Does that make sense?

I'm BPD/HPD and NO ANGEL, but enough is enough. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find a new dude. You have no choice at this point. I'm dead serious. I'm sorry to be so brash.

AMP

Thankyou I soo needed that ...im done honestly...

And releaseme, I REALLY didn't want to be mean, but sometimes it's best not to sugarcoat. I sometimes I like for people to sugarcoat, but most of the time I really prefer someone hit me in the face with it. Otherwise, I'm a stubborn donkey :0).

We love you here on forum though!!! It's just time for you to move away from this love triangle and find a man a lil older who will have more to offer TO YOU!!! You DESERVE IT!!!!

*hugs*

AMP