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Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby BlueFlower » Tue May 22, 2012 12:46 am

Run wrote:I had borderline symptoms and I hope that after two or three years of no contact, I have no symptoms anymore and that I am assertive enough in every way for a new contact.


Run; I've been NC for almost 3 years. I'm in a totally different place emotionally that I was even one year ago. The first year was hardest...but as you go along, you gain clarity and calmness. Eventually you feel yourself getting so much stronger; so hang in there!
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby superduper » Tue May 22, 2012 2:54 am

Today I sent my mom an email saying I would be breaking contact. I want to say this is hard, but it isn't. I'm mostly afraid of how other people will view it. I completely blew her off a month or so ago, but I felt guilty about the way I did it, and decided I would try setting boundaries in a civil way. We agreed to weekly calls. After a couple weeks I realized just how crappy I feel after talking to her, and how she adds nothing to my life.

This morning I had the most aggressive dream towards her that I have ever had, in fact the only one. I was sitting at my desk working and she commanded me to do something. I said no and she reached for some dust spray to punish me. I grabbed it out of her hands and wrestled her to the wall. I was pushing her out of a hallway where other people were, and then I asked myself "why am I doing this?" I let go of her wrists and said "ok, I'm done." End of dream.
I woke up feeling very sick. But I feel like this dream was screaming from my subconscious that I have to get her decisively out of my life for now.
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby Run » Tue May 22, 2012 9:57 am

superduper wrote:This morning I had the most aggressive dream towards her that I have ever had, in fact the only one. I was sitting at my desk working and she commanded me to do something. I said no and she reached for some dust spray to punish me. I grabbed it out of her hands and wrestled her to the wall. I was pushing her out of a hallway where other people were, and then I asked myself "why am I doing this?" I let go of her wrists and said "ok, I'm done." End of dream.
I woke up feeling very sick. But I feel like this dream was screaming from my subconscious that I have to get her decisively out of my life for now.


Wow! I had also dreams in which I was fighting with my mom. And I was smashing with things and so on. I felt not sick afterwards, just astonished.
Keep analyzing your dreams!
Last edited by Run on Tue May 22, 2012 12:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby Anais » Tue May 22, 2012 11:40 am

superduper wrote:After a couple weeks I realized just how crappy I feel after talking to her


superduper, this is a huge red flag. Narcissistic parents love to bring you down... and more than that they condition you to completely disregard your own feelings, for so long. Your feelings are a complete zero to them.

So when you become aware that someone makes you feel a certain way, stop and listen to your inner voice...

I think you've done the right thing!
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby EmptyNester » Mon Jul 02, 2012 4:13 am

Since February, 2009 - will be happy to answer any questions of my experience and growth!
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby Run » Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:35 am

EmptyNester wrote:Since February, 2009 - will be happy to answer any questions of my experience and growth!


How were your dreams? Last night I dreamt of me and my family in a happy state. Just how I would like it would be. Everybody making nice contact with each other, without sarcasm. We were going on a journey with each other and I discovered my bag was still empty when we should leave and I was a bit frightened that the others would get angry at me, but they did not and I hasty packed my bag. I rapidly threw all kind of clothes in and someone next to me laughed about that, and I had to laugh too.
Last edited by Run on Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby Fallen_Angel73 » Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:48 am

Run wrote:How were your dreams?

Heh!.. I had a dream when I was four. My mother was sitting beside me in my bed, with an uncanny smile on her face. There was a red glow coming from one point in my bed. I asked "Mom, what is this?". She calmly replied, with an even wider smile: "Oh son... this is hell."

Most frightening nightmare I've ever had. Severed body parts, talking corpses, prisons, torture, drowning, being shot, dying... nothing compares.
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby Icecutter » Mon Jul 02, 2012 8:17 pm

You may be interested in my experience. After suffering in a NFamily for years, I left my NF for good in my mid-thirties. The first five years, I could not go to sleep without thinking angry thoughts about them. Twelve years later, I went back for a funeral. As I looked at and listened to my former family, I was struck by their pathology. It was all over them. Not one had changed, but I had changed.
It was like meeting a group for the first time and seeing puppets that were as controlled by same powers that the NParents were. They had not a shred of insight. I was so overwhelmed by this impression, that after digesting it for several days, I realized I used to be just like that, but that I had come a long, long ways from there. In the end, I no longer felt anger at them, only pity. Leaving and working hard to change myself into a caring empathic person had really worked. Not immediately, but the change was permanent. I could no longer be like them even if I had tried. For me, part of the change involved strengthening my spiritual self. I found a church that suited me, not the one i was raised in. I really learned to pray and i consciously replaced my earthly father with my Holy Father. I am so grateful today.
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby BlueFlower » Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:08 am

Icecutter wrote:You may be interested in my experience. After suffering in a NFamily for years, I left my NF for good in my mid-thirties. The first five years, I could not go to sleep without thinking angry thoughts about them. Twelve years later, I went back for a funeral. As I looked at and listened to my former family, I was struck by their pathology. It was all over them. Not one had changed, but I had changed.


Leaving is probably the only way to gain clarity. When you're in the eye of the tornado, it's impossible to see anything else but the drama and chaos. Going No Contact is taking back your power, and allowing yourself to heal. Otherwise, you'll only continue the toxic exposure.
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Re: Anyone here No Contact with their N Parent?

Postby broken_mirror » Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:50 am

Thank you for starting this thread!

I cut off contact from my N dad about eight months ago after I finally set firm boundaries letting him know I'd had enough and if he crossed them again I'd stop talking to him.
His reply e-mail broke three of my rules. Lol.

I still receive an e-mail a week from him, trying to guilt trip me, manipulate me, plays the martyr, forgives me (why? I've done nothing wrong), but never apologizes. I don't expect one, nor do I want one at this point. I do not respond to his e-mails.

He was not born a narcissist he was made one, and because of that I suffered greatly growing up. I had no voice, even when I was driven to commit suicide I was told to never speak of it again because he placed my mom on a pedestal. My dad is the martyr, engulfing type that does not respect boundaries, twists reality to suit him. He never sought help and declared that he never wanted any.

Then came the rest of my family, about a month ago. There are a few narcissists that the whole family revolves around (it took me years to figure out why everyone acted so strangely) and they all accept the behavior as normal and cannot see anything else because it would be too painful.
This was my mom's side of the family (she had narcissistic traits as the child of an N, hurt me badly, but truly did love me and turned her life around when she became chronically ill).

I made clear a few times I did not want information leaking back to my dad but recent events would keep popping up in the e-mails he sent me. I realized I couldn't trust my family.
But they have never been there for me when I needed them, only were there to make themselves look good, or feel good about themselves.

Since I stopped talking to my whole family on both sides, life has sudden become peaceful.
The madness from living with them still rages on and I go to therapy to heal it.

I can honestly say I have lost nothing (other than my inheritance, but money is worthless compared to sanity) and I have everything to gain.

It was only until I stopped talking that I realized how much energy was drained from me, and how literally nothing was given back.
I had everything to gain and nothing to lose.
And it's sad, to know this, to know that I was literally giving and receiving nothing out of these relationships.

There is nothing to grieve, for there was never any relationships... there was only what they wanted me to be, and my giving up myself for them.

And now... I am just myself, and that's all I need to be.
All I need is for people to accept me, love me for who I am, and reciprocate in relationships.
Then I'll have everything I ever wanted.
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