by broken_mirror » Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:50 am
Thank you for starting this thread!
I cut off contact from my N dad about eight months ago after I finally set firm boundaries letting him know I'd had enough and if he crossed them again I'd stop talking to him.
His reply e-mail broke three of my rules. Lol.
I still receive an e-mail a week from him, trying to guilt trip me, manipulate me, plays the martyr, forgives me (why? I've done nothing wrong), but never apologizes. I don't expect one, nor do I want one at this point. I do not respond to his e-mails.
He was not born a narcissist he was made one, and because of that I suffered greatly growing up. I had no voice, even when I was driven to commit suicide I was told to never speak of it again because he placed my mom on a pedestal. My dad is the martyr, engulfing type that does not respect boundaries, twists reality to suit him. He never sought help and declared that he never wanted any.
Then came the rest of my family, about a month ago. There are a few narcissists that the whole family revolves around (it took me years to figure out why everyone acted so strangely) and they all accept the behavior as normal and cannot see anything else because it would be too painful.
This was my mom's side of the family (she had narcissistic traits as the child of an N, hurt me badly, but truly did love me and turned her life around when she became chronically ill).
I made clear a few times I did not want information leaking back to my dad but recent events would keep popping up in the e-mails he sent me. I realized I couldn't trust my family.
But they have never been there for me when I needed them, only were there to make themselves look good, or feel good about themselves.
Since I stopped talking to my whole family on both sides, life has sudden become peaceful.
The madness from living with them still rages on and I go to therapy to heal it.
I can honestly say I have lost nothing (other than my inheritance, but money is worthless compared to sanity) and I have everything to gain.
It was only until I stopped talking that I realized how much energy was drained from me, and how literally nothing was given back.
I had everything to gain and nothing to lose.
And it's sad, to know this, to know that I was literally giving and receiving nothing out of these relationships.
There is nothing to grieve, for there was never any relationships... there was only what they wanted me to be, and my giving up myself for them.
And now... I am just myself, and that's all I need to be.
All I need is for people to accept me, love me for who I am, and reciprocate in relationships.
Then I'll have everything I ever wanted.