Difference between NPD and Psychopath

Mr. No One wrote:He responded to this post like a narc would. He didn't like being called a predator. It hurt him to think of himself that way, therefore he defended himself to erase even the thought of it might being true out of his mind.

Is that so? I guess I'd lost track; my account is kind of crippled right now. Are you a narcissist, Ken? Because, well, that kind of changes things with your thought experiment.

Anais wrote:Do you think you'll make it through to the end of your lifetime without acting on these fantasies?

I'm confused. What was the question again?

Anais wrote:Do you have these violent fantasies about your wife? If there were no legal consequences would you then follow through, with her? Would it bother you afterwards that your wife was then, well, gone?

Yes. I do have these urges towards her, I would hurt her, and... I'd probably miss her. I'd get over it though. There are plenty of women out there. I'd find a new girlfriend. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Anais wrote:When you are able to spend time with the people who accept you, and you can be open with, do you also have these imaginings about hurting them?

Sure. It's nothing personal. If there were no consequences, can't say whether I'd hold back or not. I think I'd take it on a case-by-case basis.

fiveintime wrote:

Mr. No One wrote:He responded to this post like a narc would. He didn't like being called a predator. It hurt him to think of himself that way, therefore he defended himself to erase even the thought of it might being true out of his mind.

Is that so? I guess I'd lost track; my account is kind of crippled right now. Are you a narcissist, Ken? Because, well, that kind of changes things with your thought experiment.

He's referring to unreal .

KenWalker wrote:He's referring to unreal

Ah, yes. Yes. So he was. You're bi-polar and possibly borderline, right? I think I need more coffee before I post.

fiveintime wrote:I doubt it's narcissistic. You probably should take into account who you're talking to though. If a rape victim says you offended them, go ahead and feel guilt. It's probably the right thing to do. If somebody arguing for psychopathy says you offended them, don't worry about it. They're either joking, or they'll get over it.

Yes – I mean Narcissistic in the sense that you are so acutely aware of how your behaviour or words affect others that you almost imbue them with more influence or significance than they actually have. In truth, half the time, people don’t even remember what you’ve said, and couldn’t care less! Meanwhile, you are hauling yourself over the coals, trying to decipher how you’ve upset someone. It’s a bit self-important really isn’t it?

fiveintime wrote:That does make sense, but very few psychopaths seek treatment voluntarily. They're usually court mandated to therapy, pushed into therapy by family, or go voluntarily for separate reasons. I went voluntarily, for separate reasons. I recognised my behaviour would cause problems. My personality enabled the behaviour, but I'm still not convinced there's anything wrong with my personality itself.

Do you think that there is this level of self-awareness in most psychopaths FIT? Is there a sense of knowing something ‘is not right’ but not really knowing what it is? Does this sense become most pronounced when the world tells you (in subtle or more explicit terms) that you are ‘not normal’? If so what is the outcome of this – for you?

In my relationship, my partner expressed many times that he was not as others were. But his attitude veered from wanting to change and have a ‘normal’ life, to a sentiment very similar to your bar-room analogy: - i.e. he had ‘seen the light’ about the world and everyone else was a fool for believing otherwise.

Thus, he oscillated between trying to be the kind of person that the world respected or, in his words ‘took seriously’ and being congruent with who he knew himself to be. It was a juggling act and quite often he tired of it, claiming that being involved with people was too ‘messy’ and too difficult. When he did show his true character, people ran for the hills (I admit, when I saw some aspects of his personality being revealed I was one of those runners). This, I believe, only forced him back into a position where he had to become MORE congruent with who he knew himself to be, to behave even more in keeping with his character; to shock, to hurt others. And therefore to be even more rejected by the very people who had claimed to love him which was grist to the mill.

It is a vicious cycle isn’t it? Each time the individual is told that the way he knows himself to be is unacceptable, the deeper his commitment to that difference becomes. Because what else is left?

fiveintime wrote:

KenWalker wrote:He's referring to unreal

Ah, yes. Yes. So he was. You're bi-polar and possibly borderline, right? I think I need more coffee before I post.

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Haha, you're doing fine. My normal instincts are creeped out that you guys are scanning through my posts, but I'm flattered at the same time Others probably do it to but they just don't admit it.

I'm curious to hear more about your experiments within the mental state when you do give it another try.

The paraphilias are harder for me to try empathizing with than an ASPD. At least with ASPDS, I can remove myself. And you're spot on about the "floating" scissors. I didn't know if you'd catch that but props.

fiveintime wrote:Yes. I do have these urges towards her, I would hurt her, and... I'd probably miss her. I'd get over it though. There are plenty of women out there. I'd find a new girlfriend. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Well then, allow me to say she's a lucky woman, ROFL. Like, really. I mean, she's still here, right? <3

Sure. It's nothing personal. If there were no consequences, can't say whether I'd hold back or not. I think I'd take it on a case-by-case basis.

Well I guess that's firm but fair, mate, firm but fair. LOL.

Thank you once again.

Normal? wrote:In my relationship...

I was lock-step with him right up until he started acting out to push people away. I try not to say too much, because experience shows this doesn't bode well... and, if I ever do go too far, I just slip back behind the facade.

KenWalker wrote:My normal instincts are creeped out that you guys are scanning through my posts, but I'm flattered at the same time

Just look at the first post or two. There's usually an intro post that pretty much sums up the reason the person is here. Well, except for those who migrated through a few accounts to get where they are now. You can spot them pretty easily too though. Their first posts are a bit on the "comfortable" and "I've been here before" side, and don't typically say a whole lot of anything. Then you get the joy of matching writing styles, word choice, etc, to link the chain. It can be a moderately entertaining pass time if you're insanely bored.

Anais wrote:Well then, allow me to say she's a lucky woman, ROFL. Like, really. I mean, she's still here, right? <3

She's well taken care of, well "loved," well provided for, romanced, and sexually pleasured. She has a relationship to die for.

fiveintime wrote:Normal? wrote:
In my relationship...
I was lock-step with him right up until he started acting out to push people away. I try not to say too much, because experience shows this doesn't bode well... and, if I ever do go too far, I just slip back behind the facade.

Yes - I see that. There is a slip back behind the facade, but only after implosion. The behaviour is also based in impulsivity, and is all over the shop. For most people the imploding is enough to cut ties.

I think the acting out is probably Borderline in nature (though I understand everything will be 'borderline' in nature soon enough).

I have known there has been something completely wrong about my mother since I was a teenager, but think I have figured out in the last 3 years or so what exactly she is. She either has NPD or is a psychopath or has characteristics of both. My dad enables her.

Sometimes it seems as if she is an alien that can't quite figure out how humans work, and therefore she can only appear as one of us for a while until she does something so strange that it puts people off.

She took us kids to Sunday mass... Lay service at the jail where she worked. I guess she thought it would do us some good to be Do Gooders, even as young as we were. I think I may have been around 9 years old and my brothers were younger than me. She let me sit on the lap of an incarcerated pedophile and took a picture of me as though I was on a ride at the circus. I didn't know what he was at the time, but he made me feel mighty uncomfortable: he seemed all embarrassed and sweaty and flushed. And in prayer circle when we were holding hands, his hands were so slick with sweat it mildly disgusted me.

On the trip home, my mom asked me what I thought of this fellow. I replied that he was okay, just that he kind of grossed me out a bit with all this sweating and so on. She said that that was probably because he was a pedophile and then proceeded to explain to me what exactly a pedophile was. I was left dumbstruck wondering why the hell she let me sit on his lap?

Several times in the last few years I've asked her to destroy that photograph. Especially now that she knows her nephew molested me (he was in his teens and I was around 6 years old), you would think she would hurry off and burn the thing. But no, she keeps saying, "But you were so pretty and we don't have any other pictures of you at that age."

Oh and by the way, apparently she thinks it might be my fault - that her six year old daughter somehow wanted that sort of attention from her teenage cousin nearly ten years older than herself. When I finally got up the nerve to tell them what happened it was the Spanish Inquisition. I had to give out details. As much as possible. And she also sticks up for him when I tried to talk about him in the past, worried that perhaps he still did this sort of thing, as he is a school teacher. But she said SHE talked to him and he cried and cried because he was so afraid he would lose his job and he can't keep a good relationship because the women he dates are all strong-willed and treat him terribly.

That's just the tip of the iceberg, but it still took me a long long time to decide to block her phone number and only communicate by email. It was mostly because I wanted to keep a relationship with my dad. But as some new information has come to light about her behaviour (to my dad's extended family - as she's already alienated all her own side of the family) I realize that my dad won't ever stick up for his own 95 year old mom, or his side, or his children's side... He always takes her side. It's like she has ahold of his spine and is threatening to snap it in two if he attempts to use it.

I've come to the realization that the molestation was nothing compared to how my mother dealt with it, and how she deals with anything.

So how would one determine if someone is actually a psychopath or a narcissist? Because she certainly craves to be the center of attention and tries to run everyone's life.

jllygrnjllybn wrote:Sometimes it seems as if she is an alien that can't quite figure out how humans work, and therefore she can only appear as one of us for a while until she does something so strange that it puts people off.

This sounds psychopathic.

Narcissists are typically very possessive of those around them, viewing people like they're an organic extension of themselves; whereas, psychopaths only care about others in so much as how they're useful to them... like a pencil might be useful. The psychopath might also be possessive, but only if you serve a purpose to them. Consequently, both might appear cold and unempathetic when they're not threatened, but threaten the narcissist's ego, and they're known for explosive rage. A psychopath is more likely to react with cold, callous disregard.

You probably should have started a new thread... though, posting to this thread was the only reason I happened to notice this. There's an AsPD forum if you have any specific questions about psychopathy.