Your definition of Self sounds spiritual to me.
Possibly. Or mysterious. I accept that there are things that cannot be explained. Yet. Though I'm sure we could drum up papers pointing to the biological make-up of the Self, all leading to optimized reproduction, of course.
That is the reason I suggested that equating your Self with the above traits can be a roller coaster ride. When you experience the opposite of the above, when you feel bad or negative or cold or cynical or discontent or close minded, you must experience yourself as bad and false. When you are up, you are up. When you are down, you are down. That sounds like the essence of neuroticism. And that is fine if that’s what you want. But consciousness, prior to thought and emotion, is itself free of the up and down, the yin and yang of the individual self. It is free because it is the space within which up and down emotions occur. It is the foundation of equanimity.
In response to the underscored, actually, no, because those are fleeting emotions that can be rationalized. If one feels discontent or close-mindedness, that is an opportunity for reason and understanding. Coldness, cynicism, negativity, all the same. Those emotions are a combination of legacy and external factors. They are not inherent to a person's Self.
Yes, as a neurotic, I might ride that rollercoaster. But as a recovering neurotic, I learn to assess situations in which I feel those things, rationalize my emotion against the external factor, and either remove myself from the situation or re-align my perceptions. Each negative emotion you list has a different "purpose" so each will have a different appropriate response. I learn to not accept them as my own. Because they don't belong to me. They are fleeting. They need not be absorbed - as is the standard reaction for most people possessing a PD (or neurosis).
But didn’t you like to give advice?
Of course and I didn't mean to imply that I would never give advice again. Only that the mask is being discarded. I think you're missing the subtle yet powerful mechanism that is the desire for acceptance. I am gathering that you don't possess that. Many do, including Narcissists. To the degree that recognition is like a drug.
I am amoral. I don’t see things as good or bad, in and of themselves. Things are what they are. Masks are no more false than you believe they are. My own sense of self is independent of the masks I consciously wear and I don’t label them as bad or good. I label them as useful or not useful, as the crow flies. It is a much simpler and cleaner process. It seems to me that you are equating who you are with someone is who recovering from their so called bad or undesirable self. Is that working well for you?
Why are you amoral? Is this self-cultivated, bred by external factors, or naturally occurring? Most people are not amoral, including myself, so I have a hard time understanding how one can operate without a sense of morality. Most are born with it and it develops (or heightens) over time regardless of external constraints such as dogma. Most of us do see things as good or bad, though not in such black-and-white terms. And that's a good thing. It's why we have discourse.
And, yes, masks are very useful. For emotionally wounded or devoid people, they are absolutely useful. My point is that I prefer to strengthen my emotional core and be done with the masks. It's hard to say whether it's working well for me because I am currently in a flux state. When you're taking a sledgehammer to the old fortress, it's tough to say how the new order is working. Though I've had glimpses and opportunities and that greater sense of contentment which is the ultimate goal.
And sometimes it's really painful and scary. I was paralyzed when I realized many of those masks and identified their purposes and inevitable outcomes. But their release is even sweeter. Just last night I caught myself pulling one of the masks that has proven most nefarious. I immediately realized the emptiness of that action and then went back to my standard operating procedure (my Self). Got off the rail and went back to enjoying myself in an authentic way.
And I hate to break to ya, but it’s “masks” all the way down.
So be it. Since we're in the Narcissist forum, I approach this conversation with the notion that most people, including Narcissists, have something crucial and bright at their core. Difficult to access, but there regardless.