Do you want to have NPD?

I've been on this forum for two months now and I find myself struck by the varied opinions regarding an NPD diagnosis, be it a self diagnosis or a professional one. I'm looking for answers/validation from others that are or think they might be NPD or highly narcissistic.

Are you self diagnosed and secretly proud of your NPD status?
Have you announced your (suspected or actual) NPD to the world at large; family and friends; colleagues; just the others on this (anonymous) forum?
When telling a friend or family member that you suspect NPD or that there are indicators did they nod sagely like the friend of a gay person who comes out long after everyone else had figured it out by themselves?
Do you suspect that you have NPD but avoid seeking a professional opinion for fear of the answer?
Would a professional debunking your conclusion trigger rage or relief?
Would a professional confirming your self diagnosis trigger horror or relief?
Have you been frustrated by a professional's refusal to confirm or dispute your self diagnosis?
Is the criteria for the disorder a convenient list of excuses for atypical behaviour?
Did a professional diagnosis feel like a (figurative) license to kill?
Does the proliferation of victims rather than Ns on this forum feel like a feeding frenzy?
Does posting on this forum provide a sense of belonging?
Do you believe that self awareness and a decision to change behaviour will reduce your narcissism score to a socially acceptable level (without professional assistance)?
Do you consider the sub type that fits you best to be superior to the other sub types?
Do you believe the cerebral N has more value in society than the somatic N?
Do you consider NPD to be a superior disorder and preferable to other PDs?
Do you believe that a cure for you would be a loss for the world? (reference to my earlier post that House represents a fictional portrayal of a N that adds more value to the world than he detracts, a cure for him would arguably be a negative)
If diagnosed by a professional did you initially (or continuously) reject the implication that you are somehow defective?
Do you accept that you are disordered but feel that without the traits identified as the ingredients of that disorder you will be less than you are; horrifyingly mediocre?
Do you agree that a self diagnosis alone is more likely to indicate that you do not have the disorder because of the premise that NPDs won't accept their diagnoses?

Are you self diagnosed and secretly proud of your NPD status?

- No, therapist diagnosed. But proud is how I rationalized it to myself, I see it as making me better.

Have you announced your (suspected or actual) NPD to the world at large; family and friends; colleagues; just the others on this (anonymous) forum?

- Just here, I don't want others to put me in the same box I see narcs put into here.

Would a professional confirming your self diagnosis trigger horror or relief?

- I was a wreck for a few weeks

Is the criteria for the disorder a convenient list of excuses for atypical behaviour?

- I still believe in personal accountability, It's not so much of an excuse but an understanding of my tendancies. It does make it easier to rationalize though.

Did a professional diagnosis feel like a (figurative) license to kill?

- For that 1st week, but it's died off now and I am back to my usual self.

Does the proliferation of victims rather than Ns on this forum feel like a feeding frenzy?

- They piss me off. Most didn't date N's, they are damaged women seeking some validation after a bad relationship. I also dislike being told what I do because apparently we are all robots with the same programing.

Does posting on this forum provide a sense of belonging?

- Very much so, this forum is a lifeline for me.

Do you believe that self awareness and a decision to change behaviour will reduce your narcissism score to a socially acceptable level (without professional assistance)?

- No desire to change into something socially acceptable. I would rather be unique and take advantage of the gifts of NPD.

Do you consider the sub type that fits you best to be superior to the other sub types?

- I don't think I fit neatly into either of them.

Do you believe the cerebral N has more value in society than the somatic N?

- Depends who you ask

Do you consider NPD to be a superior disorder and preferable to other PDs?

- Of course, as far as disorders go its the best there is.

Do you believe that a cure for you would be a loss for the world? (reference to my earlier post that House represents a fictional portrayal of a N that adds more value to the world than he detracts, a cure for him would arguably be a negative)

- Not really, then again I don't really contribute much to others. If I am helping someone it's in my best interest.

If diagnosed by a professional did you initially (or continuously) reject the implication that you are somehow defective?

- Yes, I thought she was an idiot and tried to disprover her.

Do you accept that you are disordered but feel that without the traits identified as the ingredients of that disorder you will be less than you are; horrifyingly mediocre?

- I'd still be just as smart, maybe not as driven.

Do you agree that a self diagnosis alone is more likely to indicate that you do not have the disorder because of the premise that NPDs won't accept their diagnoses?

- I think anyone that believes in self-diagnosis (of themselves) is weak, and thus not NPD. It's someone searching for a reason why they are ###$ up.

Are you self diagnosed and secretly proud of your NPD status?

I am self-diagnosed, but not proud.

Have you announced your (suspected or actual) NPD to the world at large; family and friends; colleagues; just the others on this (anonymous) forum?

I've told a few of my closest friends, but mainly keep it to myself aside from this forum.

When telling a friend or family member that you suspect NPD or that there are indicators did they nod sagely like the friend of a gay person who comes out long after everyone else had figured it out by themselves?

Not really. The worst of my behavior came out in relationships, and I normally sequestered that part of my life from friends and family.

Do you suspect that you have NPD but avoid seeking a professional opinion for fear of the answer?

I don't want to pay money to confirm what I already know.

Would a professional debunking your conclusion trigger rage or relief?

If that were to happen, I'd be relieved. More of a reason to hope.

Would a professional confirming your self diagnosis trigger horror or relief?

Mostly relief.

Is the criteria for the disorder a convenient list of excuses for atypical behaviour?

I could see that. Someone could easily say, "I have a disorder. I just can't help myself."

Does the proliferation of victims rather than Ns on this forum feel like a feeding frenzy?

Considering the disorder, it's to be expected.

Does posting on this forum provide a sense of belonging?

Absolutely. I learn quite a bit from the other Ns and I try to use the stories from the victims as a deterrent.

Do you believe that self awareness and a decision to change behaviour will reduce your narcissism score to a socially acceptable level (without professional assistance)?

That's my hope. I was in a kind of self-imposed quarantine for over a year. Very minimal contact with existing relationships while I got a real grip on what I was dealing with. Since then I've tentatively taken steps into new social circles with this heightened awareness, but it feels like I'm doing better. I tend to keep things superficial still, so it's hard to say.

Do you consider the sub type that fits you best to be superior to the other sub types?

I don't think I fit neatly into any sub-type, and they're all toxic anyway, so no.

Do you believe the cerebral N has more value in society than the somatic N?

No more, no less. It depends on the individual.

Do you consider NPD to be a superior disorder and preferable to other PDs?

I'd rather have something I could just take a med for and be well, but it could be worse.

Do you believe that a cure for you would be a loss for the world? (reference to my earlier post that House represents a fictional portrayal of a N that adds more value to the world than he detracts, a cure for him would arguably be a negative)

No.

Do you accept that you are disordered but feel that without the traits identified as the ingredients of that disorder you will be less than you are; horrifyingly mediocre?

I was already horrifyingly mediocre and constantly trying to convince myself otherwise, so no.

Do you agree that a self diagnosis alone is more likely to indicate that you do not have the disorder because of the premise that NPDs won't accept their diagnoses?

No, because I had someone to hammer the point home repeatedly and that eventually woke me up.

Thank you.

Are you self diagnosed and secretly proud of your NPD status?

Yes, and no, I'm not. Someone that acknowledges his narcissism is automatically painfully aware he's not as great as he thinks, and knows why he thinks that, making it even more stressing to keep people believing in your fabricated perfection. Atleast the ones that won't acknowledge their status actually believe their own delusions.

Have you announced your (suspected or actual) NPD to the world at large; family and friends; colleagues; just the others on this (anonymous) forum?

No, they would instantly reconize what they have noticed in my behaviour for all these years, and stop taking me serious. They would see me as inferior, and blame everything I do that contradicts their wishes on narcissism. I will keep this in the dark.

When telling a friend or family member that you suspect NPD or that there are indicators did they nod sagely like the friend of a gay person who comes out long after everyone else had figured it out by themselves?

They likely would.

Do you suspect that you have NPD but avoid seeking a professional opinion for fear of the answer?

It's not fear. Proffesionals only see me as a number. Not as an unique person, but as one amongst all the others with the same "problems". Aslong as I am aware of it, and control it, I don't need help.

Would a professional debunking your conclusion trigger rage or relief?

Likely rage, as the debunking wouldn't take away the problems. It would only take away the "in control" factor. The knowledge that you know what you're coping with.

Would a professional confirming your self diagnosis trigger horror or relief?

Neither. Confirmation would feel like "well, I told you so."

Have you been frustrated by a professional's refusal to confirm or dispute your self diagnosis?

I have never consulted a proffesional on this. But in that situation, yes I would be.

Is the criteria for the disorder a convenient list of excuses for atypical behaviour?

No, it's the opposite. It allows me to rationlize it, and refrain from it accordingly.

Did a professional diagnosis feel like a (figurative) license to kill?

-

Does the proliferation of victims rather than Ns on this forum feel like a feeding frenzy?

No, I tend not to have that on forums.

Does posting on this forum provide a sense of belonging?

I haven't been here too long yet, but it does, in a way.

Do you believe that self awareness and a decision to change behaviour will reduce your narcissism score to a socially acceptable level (without professional assistance)?

To a degree, I do. Though I might be able to alter my behaviour to socially acceptable levels, my feelings and mindset certainly wouldn't.

Do you consider the sub type that fits you best to be superior to the other sub types?

Not really.

Do you believe the cerebral N has more value in society than the somatic N?

I consider myself a combination between both. But between the 2, probably the cerebal.

Do you consider NPD to be a superior disorder and preferable to other PDs?

Not superior, but preferable. Once you acknowledge the irrationality of it, it's a lot more manageable than a lot of other PD's.

Do you believe that a cure for you would be a loss for the world? (reference to my earlier post that House represents a fictional portrayal of a N that adds more value to the world than he detracts, a cure for him would arguably be a negative)

No, currently it wouldn't be

If diagnosed by a professional did you initially (or continuously) reject the implication that you are somehow defective?

-

Do you accept that you are disordered but feel that without the traits identified as the ingredients of that disorder you will be less than you are; horrifyingly mediocre?

I don't know. I've dealt with it for many years before identifying with it. With or without the classification, I would still be different from other people since the traits still persist either way.

Do you agree that a self diagnosis alone is more likely to indicate that you do not have the disorder because of the premise that NPDs won't accept their diagnoses?

No, because it's only for myself that I relate to it. I don't share it with anyone, and wouldn't want anyone to know about it. I wouldn't have accepted it either if it wasn't for seeing self denial as a weakness I didn't want to have. It's merely a way to understand the irrational mental rollercoaster it can bring. Acknowledging the weakness paves the way to resolve it.

Sorrow&Despair90 wrote:They would see me as inferior, and blame everything I do that contradicts their wishes on narcissism.

This rang true to me, and one of the reasons so few know about mine. I even find myself doing it sometimes, so why wouldn't a normal? I also see this in ex's who's former SO isn't even a Narc. It's a handy way to rationalize anything you say or do and gives everyone else all the ace's.

Are you self diagnosed and secretly proud of your NPD status?

- It was kind of suggested by the therapist of my partner, although not explicitly. I was horrified, however a tiny part of me was a bit thrilled in spite of myself. Negative attention is better than none.

Have you announced your (suspected or actual) NPD to the world at large; family and friends; colleagues; just the others on this (anonymous) forum?

- No!

When telling a friend or family member that you suspect NPD or that there are indicators did they nod sagely like the friend of a gay person who comes out long after everyone else had figured it out by themselves?

- I do not want to ask!

Do you suspect that you have NPD but avoid seeking a professional opinion for fear of the answer?

- Yes.

Would a professional debunking your conclusion trigger rage or relief?

- Relief primarily. However, I would hpe that they had an alternative explanation which was an interesting one.

Would a professional confirming your self diagnosis trigger horror or relief?

- See above.

Have you been frustrated by a professional's refusal to confirm or dispute your self diagnosis?

- I haven't asked. The idea of therapy frightens me.

Is the criteria for the disorder a convenient list of excuses for atypical behaviour?

- It's not that atypical. Lots of bosses have those traits.

Did a professional diagnosis feel like a (figurative) license to kill?

- N/A

Does the proliferation of victims rather than Ns on this forum feel like a feeding frenzy?

- Yes, victims are a bit annoying. They have their own issues, including their inability to look at themselves and failure to acknowledge their attraction to victim status.

Does posting on this forum provide a sense of belonging?

- Let's see.

Do you believe that self awareness and a decision to change behaviour will reduce your narcissism score to a socially acceptable level (without professional assistance)?

- I hope so.

Do you consider the sub type that fits you best to be superior to the other sub types?

- Don't know yet. Need to delve into sub-types.

Do you believe the cerebral N has more value in society than the somatic N?

- Huh?

Do you consider NPD to be a superior disorder and preferable to other PDs?

- No, definitely not. Dissociative Identity Disorder is the most interesting.

Do you believe that a cure for you would be a loss for the world? (reference to my earlier post that House represents a fictional portrayal of a N that adds more value to the world than he detracts, a cure for him would arguably be a negative).

- Sadly, no, although I wish it were otherwise.

If diagnosed by a professional did you initially (or continuously) reject the implication that you are somehow defective?

- I already know.

Do you accept that you are disordered but feel that without the traits identified as the ingredients of that disorder you will be less than you are; horrifyingly mediocre?

- I have already come to terms with the fact that I am like most other people. I wish it were otherwise.

Do you agree that a self diagnosis alone is more likely to indicate that you do not have the disorder because of the premise that NPDs won't accept their diagnoses?

Mmmm, interesting question. I wish I knew the answer. Perhaps I am a Narcissist without the grandiosity. Bummer!

Kimba wrote:
Is the criteria for the disorder a convenient list of excuses for atypical behaviour?

- It's not that atypical. Lots of bosses have those traits.

I don't know if you were being ironic or not, but your "convenient excuse" is funny stuff!

Serendipity wrote:

Kimba wrote:
Is the criteria for the disorder a convenient list of excuses for atypical behaviour?

- It's not that atypical. Lots of bosses have those traits.

I don't know if you were being ironic or not, but your "convenient excuse" is funny stuff!

Nup, not an excuse. I am not a manager myself. I was thinking of some of my bosses! My point is that these traits are not that special.

Catherine01 wrote:Are you self diagnosed and secretly proud of your NPD status?

I am proud to not have NPD, because it means I am capable of having genuine relationships. However my otherwise high level of narcissism makes sustaining genuine relationships difficult, so it's double-edged. It might be easier to just have NPD and not care about anyone.

Catherine01 wrote:Have you announced your (suspected or actual) NPD to the world at large; family and friends; colleagues; just the others on this (anonymous) forum?

Definitely not. There are a handful of people who I trust with personal details about my life who I may tell eventually. I've asked them a few abstract philosophical questions like what do they think about modern psychology, personality disorders, etc., trying to figure out what their likely response would be and if it's worth it.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you suspect that you have NPD but avoid seeking a professional opinion for fear of the answer?

I did for a little while but eventually took a complete personality test.

Catherine01 wrote:Would a professional debunking your conclusion trigger rage or relief?
Would a professional confirming your self diagnosis trigger horror or relief?

My personality test results were too detailed for a simple reaction. It was far more than a simple "yes/no" to NPD.

Catherine01 wrote:Have you been frustrated by a professional's refusal to confirm or dispute your self diagnosis?

Yes. That's partly why I requested the test.

Catherine01 wrote:Does the proliferation of victims rather than Ns on this forum feel like a feeding frenzy?

Occasionally when someone extremely stupid shows up. However that's a minority of cases, most "victims" generally seem like reasonable people going through a tough time, and I don't want to be mean to that kind of person.

Catherine01 wrote:Does posting on this forum provide a sense of belonging?

No.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you believe that self awareness and a decision to change behaviour will reduce your narcissism score to a socially acceptable level (without professional assistance)?

I have started trying to be more direct with people and asking for what I want rather that trying to trick people into it, so there is changing behavior. But I have no idea what you mean by "score", unless you're talking about a personality-test score in which case it's unlikely to change.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you consider the sub type that fits you best to be superior to the other sub types?

My diagnosis is PD-NOS which I consider superior to NPD, period.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you believe the cerebral N has more value in society than the somatic N?

Obviously. One is a creator, the other a destroyer.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you consider NPD to be a superior disorder and preferable to other PDs?

No.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you believe that a cure for you would be a loss for the world?

No. An obsession with greatness is more trouble than it is worth.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you accept that you are disordered but feel that without the traits identified as the ingredients of that disorder you will be less than you are; horrifyingly mediocre?

My IQ score and enormous range of talents guarantee I will never be horrifyingly mediocre. I don't need an unrealistic distorted perspective, when I have plenty of objective measures of my abilities and accomplishments. Perhaps being disordered helped give me the obsession to develop so many talents, but in that case it's already served its purpose.

Catherine01 wrote:Do you agree that a self diagnosis alone is more likely to indicate that you do not have the disorder because of the premise that NPDs won't accept their diagnoses?

Yes, especially if the self-diagnosis is a "relief" instead of a dispassionate observation.