Victim???

I've just come out of a relationship with a N. Now I find myself with a much more wary of human nature..but it's early days and hopefully I'll recover...but what I find scary is I confronted him that he had "Gaslighted me" silly I know and he immediately turned the accusation onto me. Which having read about NPD know this can happen called projection. What I'm thinking is if someone has accused a N of being a N and they see themselves as the victim are there victims on this site who are in fact the offenders....food for thought perhaps?

Nobody has ever accused me of being and NPD (actually for some reason most people like me) but I'll gladly adorn the role of victim upon myself.

Then again I don't know if I have NPD, SPD, AvPD....and actually there's a new one, Munchausen's Syndrome: i'm probably making this all up, but hey, only a highly narcissistic person could. (or would)

I've done what I can (avoiding relationships, doing nothing, ect) to stop myself from getting too connected with people: for the very reason that when/if they do "understand" exactly how I'll function, I believe they're faith in the human race will be extinguished. I know mine has.

for the very reason that when/if they do "understand" exactly how I'll function, I believe they're faith in the human race will be extinguished. I know mine has

I don't think you're giving it much of a chance, Nick

Melodie255 wrote:I've just come out of a relationship with a N. Now I find myself with a much more wary of human nature..but it's early days and hopefully I'll recover...but what I find scary is I confronted him that he had "Gaslighted me" silly I know and he immediately turned the accusation onto me. Which having read about NPD know this can happen called projection. What I'm thinking is if someone has accused a N of being a N and they see themselves as the victim are there victims on this site who are in fact the offenders....food for thought perhaps?

I think is a certain naivete or trust in people who get involved with NPD'ers and they miss or ignore the signs. I don't see myself as a victim. More someone stuck with a long term problem.

Its ok to be wary of the signs in others but I find I need to bring myself back to the realisation that most people are normal to the degree there is normal.

From what I've read, when you confront an NPD with their behaviour they can't stand it and have to deflect it in some way. One way is projective identification. This is slightly different to projection. You can look up the differences.

mindful wrote:

for the very reason that when/if they do "understand" exactly how I'll function, I believe they're faith in the human race will be extinguished. I know mine has

I don't think you're giving it much of a chance, Nick

Based on the horror stories I read here and what I've witnessed all my life...I don't think I have the right to chance that.

Everybody gives things a chance, most people meet other people, and sometimes it can bring happiness and fulfillment, but all around me and everywhere I look; there is misery; spitefulness and unspoken heartache...

And I can see, all around me, how this happens, how it's still happening. I can't even begin to list all the horrible things people say they love each other put one another through. It never seemed appealing to me, but most folks who try and "get out there" take a huge risk, investing not only their own lives and minds and hearts, but anothers'....

I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands: I'm aware I have somewhat low self-esteem, (although it seems based on sensible observations and logical predictions) - but I don't know how much it affects my judgement of my self-worth. I'm a realist, or, at least I tell myself I am.

Continuing to be alone, I'm going nowhere. But that's just where belong. I don't really like it here, but I have to say it suits me...


I realize I'm just doing this to hear myself talk, it's gotten to the point that it's obvious...I suppose I don't have the right to apologize for that. I mean, it's a behavior, this is my choice. I guess I need to observe that, just to feel like I preserve some sense of moral footing...Pathetic.

Melodie255 wrote:What I'm thinking is if someone has accused a N of being a N and they see themselves as the victim are there victims on this site who are in fact the offenders....food for thought perhaps?

A wolf in sheep's clothing? Not likely on this forum. There is too much firsthand knowledge here and I think anyone who was a narc pretending to be the victim of a narc would soon get flushed out.

Nick wrote:I've done what I can (avoiding relationships, doing nothing, ect) to stop myself from getting too connected with people: for the very reason that when/if they do "understand" exactly how I'll function, I believe they're faith in the human race will be extinguished. I know mine has.

You should exile yourself; living as a dark and ominous loner on the fringe of civilisation for the good of all.

digital.noface wrote:

Nick wrote:I've done what I can (avoiding relationships, doing nothing, ect) to stop myself from getting too connected with people: for the very reason that when/if they do "understand" exactly how I'll function, I believe they're faith in the human race will be extinguished. I know mine has.

You should exile yourself; living as a dark and ominous loner on the fringe of civilisation for the good of all.

Even that sounds like a lot of work.

I'll pass

Melodie255 wrote:
What I'm thinking is if someone has accused a N of being a N and they see themselves as the victim are there victims on this site who are in fact the offenders....food for thought perhaps?


A wolf in sheep's clothing? Not likely on this forum. There is too much firsthand knowledge here and I think anyone who was a narc pretending to be the victim of a narc would soon get flushed out.

On the other hand, it's part of the N's m.o. to play the victim anytime anyone dares to call him on his world view, self-view, behavior. It's part of his manipulation strategy and self-preservation mechanism.

Nick wrote:

Everybody gives things a chance, most people meet other people, and sometimes it can bring happiness and fulfillment, but all around me and everywhere I look; there is misery; spitefulness and unspoken heartache...

And I can see, all around me, how this happens, how it's still happening. I can't even begin to list all the horrible things people say they love each other put one another through. It never seemed appealing to me, but most folks who try and "get out there" take a huge risk, investing not only their own lives and minds and hearts, but anothers'....

I agree - there's a helluva lot of hypocricy in what people believe to be their 'love'.
But it's not an all or nothing game. We should never expect another person to 'fulfill' us or make us happy. That's usuallly why relationships frustrate, disappoint, turn bitter and ugly, and end.
Realistically, another person can offer a bit of warmth, companionship, physical pleasure, even momentary. Two people might give and receive a bit from eachother, if they didn't expect too much.

You don't have to invest yourself totally. Give a little, get a little. It's better than nothing, and a way to just start getting your feet wet!