Persona

DaturaInnoxia wrote:The contrast of me switching from being really docile and agreeable to a more aggressive and intense person probably made it even worse with them. That's when there become problems for me.

You don't come across as unstable online. I could always put myself in your shoes when you flipped from agreeable to intense. Besides, intense does not carry for me the negative connotation it carries for anglo-saxon users.

Also, speaking of DID alters, if you saw my reply about personas to this post, do you think my changes in dealing with the psychiatrist and my caseworker and stepping into autopilot when stressed could be somehow very vaguely related even though I know it's still me?

At the risk of vexing you, I struggle to notice half the things you accuse yourself of being.

How difficult was it for you to receive meaningful attention when you grew up?
Were you expected to entertain or were you ignored?

-- Sun Jul 12, 2020 12:43 am --

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I'm sure you know you're not crashing the party Poxalis.

I will second that.

I'd say the intensity and aggressiveness I step into in real life is always justifiable (albeit often an over reaction)
The contrast is unnerving for a lot of people.

Intense, even with an agreeable connotation is difficult for people with weak personalities (aka most people).

I would have to say I was ignored, and I liked to isolate and enter into my own world as much as possible.

I also had severe depression from a young age, and around 12, I discovered amphetamine pills which made me hyper and happy.

It felt good and it was fun to get people going (entertain) because people can be really boring.

Unfortunately, after you do that, people come to expect you to entertain anytime you're with them.

As I got older, being entertaining became a vital survival mechanism.
People shared their drugs with me because they liked having me around (I'm not referring to sexuality here either - not that there's anything wrong with that).

Now, I like entertaining as long as it's not expected of me.

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I just see a lot of words about others and concepts, but a high level of avoidance for you to actually talk about yourself, so I was curious - and disappointed that it continued.

As for the accounts, I had been called out and quoted by a member before our change of location occurred.
You're free to go over there and check.

You misunderstand the nature of my inquiry. I’m suggesting we deal openhanded on the issue of usernames, you know who I’ve been, I’m asking the same of you. I don’t care what someone else may have called you out for. Either you give them to me or you don’t

Tbh I don’t care about the outcome really, I’m simply using your old usernames to demonstrate that claims of openess from you and many others ring false. That whatever you might say the underlying behaviour is designed to conceal.

Given you'd like me to do that because you see it as a source of vulnerability which needs to be concealed, do you dislike vulnerability yourself?

I don’t except your premise, logically it’s an appeal to motive.

I’m not great fan of vulnerability but I don’t usually shrink from it. My health problems being my greatest which I wear on my sleeve. The logic being that the thing you own can less readily be used against you.

I would say I was very open in my response to this post - and I often am in general.

Except on the subject of usernames.

Okay shall we try another one: What is you psychiatric diagnostic history? Or to put it another way, what disorders/conditions have been diagnosed or suggested by a mental health professional? To be clear I’m not asking what you think you’ve got.

Again this is simply to test a point.

With the term persona, the topics in these posts usually just get people talking about anything relevant to them.

I don't think I'm refering to DID alters when I say you're not open to talking about your personas

Can I just ask, when we started discussing personas, did you bother to google it or look it up in any way so you had an idea what we were talking about? Or did you just start typing with the notion that other people should explain it to you?

Persona as far as I’m aware is the jungian interface between self/ego and the real world, it is a singular fluid thing by which we display some aspects of ourselves and hide others.

I’m not being open about it because your question is silly. Is it not obvious that the face I present to do my job might be somewhat different than that I use to tuck my daughter in at night? There was nothing really deep being said that should not be apparent to most people.

Are you this selective about who you talk to in real life?

Who I spent time on or with, certainly, because choice is important and my time is finite. I’ve got a stable and tight nit group of friends which have been together and supporting each other for the last 16 years. Equally both my affluence and professional success has largely been based on choosing the right people and investing hard in them.

I would submit that whatever moral objections you may or may not have, I’m not about to change my position because it works and I suspect that yours does not.

And if so, does it make people angry?

It can, but that’s the nature of choice isn’t it. It’s also the nature of value, in order to say this thing is good and for it to have meaning, it has to follow that the thing not selected was not as good, at least subjectedly to the chooser.

I don’t really grasp why you seem to think that inclusivity is a universal virtue. I assume you also select people, who you’ll sleep with, who you’ll share a house with, who you’ll lend money to and so forth.

Likewise I assume you can see that interactions between people should be a matter of mutual consent. Personally if someone doesn’t want to talk or engage with me and just ignored me I would not be bothered by it. I’d regard it as their perogative.

I would ask what you're like in real life, but it's probably inappropriate timing.

not really it’s just an expansive question most people wouldn’t have time to answer. Which in its own way is part of the problem, while you might have time to churn out walls of text to satisfy every random piece of curiosity, that can’t be applied to everyone else. If you’re after answers then clear, rational and specific questions are more likely to get them for the simple reason that they are easier to answer.

It’s a lack of interest mostly. I interacted more when I first came here. Then after I’d spent quite a lot of time reading I had a period of trying to explain the various theoretical concepts to people. Ultimately however it seemed to me that many just went through the same cycles over and over again (probably including myself), so for the most part all I was doing was playing a role and enabling them to go round and round.

This is one of the reasons I've mostly reserved myself for years to being the walking, talking encyclopedia really. I think this lack of evolution is largely caused by a huge drawback of a forum like this, which is the absence of a moderating agent, aka a professional. if somebody is triggered here, they most likely wont realize this. They switch into some abandoned child modes, or they start projecting crazily, but theres no fitting entity there to explain that mechanism or at least to point to the dynamic. So all that happens is a repetitive cycle of people seemingly talking about their personal stuff, which, due to the complete absence of any forward motion, is absolutely meaningless.
I'm personally taking some of my experiencs here to my sessions so I'm at sometimes gaining something from it, but I'm not sure how many people on here are even in therapy. its quite obvious this forum is atm full of people who dont have the disorder this forum is for, so their motivation is quite obviously not to get better, but to evade that, and even this is probably not clear to them.
On another note, good to see youre still alive and kicking.

Greebo wrote:...

I don't do very well being told what to do, and you keep throwing out words to hide behind.

Saying I misunderstand the nature of your inquiry and that you're only suggesting it so we can "deal openhanded on the issue of usernames" just shows that you're a liar along with everything else.

It was obvious from the moment you brought up usernames that wasn't your intention.
You were upset and attacking.

The same way you throw out words instead of actually saying much about yourself, is the same way I'm unwilling to be your bitch.
I told you where you can find it.

I got curious about you and now you're throwing smokescreens with words directing at me instead of the others.

Fair enough, I shall go back to not reading what you write

I don't want to do that to you, but do tell mommy exactly how it makes you feel better?

Shoot, I've been trying not to be reactive a lot these last few days, but if Akuma needs some attention from mommy, I guess I have to give it