Bombardment of awareness (Alan Watts)

So I´ve always been enamoured with Alan Watts but never came across this sort of dissection before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZrJZ24kUY

He has often spoken about similar concepts of only "being necessitades to do something that one must do, but only if it is done voluntarily", which is the intro, but at the 6.50 mark he starts speaking about Torpor/being unconscious and another minute later the concept of narcosis, equating it to Narcissus, who he dubs to residing in a state of reduced consciousness. It´s a way of being turned off. It fits into the general picture of pwNPD quite well but in a certain sense it goes almost directly opposite some of the general populace´s methods of describing NPD.

In my mind all of this talk speaks poignantly on the narcissistic/schizoid ondition: lately (and really throughout my whole life) I find myself being irritated by the mere existence of others and the claims they make onto my being (the necessity of somehow accomodating their existence,). The truth of the matter is of course much more horrid to accept (and truly, I am incapable of realizing it), i.e. that I am unable to adapt, lack the social skills and truly do not care enough. Am unadaptable and stiff as a personality, so I refuse to partake, only to the extent that is necessitated from me by surroundings so everyone becomes a threat. (Alas I have become a threat to others´ [emotional] safety myself but that is a nother subject. ALl of this also alludes to why a lot of pwNPD get sweeped up by the booze (I, and every other pwNPD I know of, sure has a tendency for it) because it brings a reduced sensory input, acting pseudo "return-to-the-womb".

Later on, he also speaks about the condition of the inability to relax (intense anxiety), which is also way too familiar. Which is accute of being incapable of relinquishing control and trusting your surroundings.

In my mind it speaks aptly on the narcissistic condition and found it an intriguing approach...discuss at will.

I can't contribute, but I find it's very interesting.
Narcissism and narcosis is an unusual and inspiring association.
Thanks.

SelfSerf wrote:The truth of the matter is of course much more horrid to accept (and truly, I am incapable of realizing it), i.e. that I am unable to adapt, lack the social skills and truly do not care enough. Am unadaptable and stiff as a personality, so I refuse to partake, only to the extent that is necessitated from me by surroundings so everyone becomes a threat.

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, as the mechanism behind your behaviour may be very different to what I've experienced. I have no real idea how schizoid / NPD works. That said, I think your issue may be around your comment, "lack the social skills and truly do not care enough."

You've probably heard this a fair amount and had experience of its effects and so see this as the key issue, which you have no control over. Realising you can't change it puts you in an impossible situation where you can "never win."

However, there are alternatives to caring. Take a paramedic for example. They don't care; inasmuch as they don't know or care personally for the person that they're treating. They care because it supports their own internal motivation.

They'll see someone die with horrific injuries and then go off and have a sandwich. Their care is a series of processes and training, which is no-less real than those of people who cry over dead kittens. In fact, it's seen as more valuable because it has a constructive purpose.

I think you need to start focusing on your own "principles" rather than those being pushed onto you and develop a system where you can harmonise your behaviour with the expectations of others, rather than fight against yourself.

I am fascinated by sleep.
When Watts says that we have to trust sleep, and be sure that we will come back to the light, it recalls me Proust. There are many interesting reflections about sleep in his book. There is a passage where he wonders how we can be the same individuals when we wake up: same habits, tastes, personality, in every detail. It means (he writes) that “something” doesn't forget ourselves, even during deep sleep, when there are no dreams anymore.
It's a mystery.

I've spent years of my life not trusting sleep. Fearing loss of consciousness and sensing the moment I drift as if my mind is being drowned in thick, black water. Then yet again, on the opposite end (as far as loss of self), fearing sleep for the uncomfortable fantasies that disturb and occasionally define me. Luckily, I generally find the middle ground these days.

Anyway, hyper vigilance (as OP describes as inability to relax) is common learned behavior from an environment that is unsafe. I often wonder how much all PDs are just shades of complex PTSD.

HSS wrote:I am fascinated by sleep.

Same. I believe that sleep holds more answers for us about consciousness and our existence than we realise.

justonemoreperson wrote:

HSS wrote:I am fascinated by sleep.

Same. I believe that sleep holds more answers for us about consciousness and our existence than we realise.

how so? philosophically?

poxalis wrote:how so? philosophically?

When you look at home brain waves change during the different stages of sleep, it gives a glimpse into how consciousness is produced. During deep sleep, we effectively die, and our consciousness disappears, leaving only our mechanical body active.

There's also stuff that can be done with a person while they're asleep which doesn't work while they're awake to affect their psychology. It's as if we go into diagnostic mode.

There's an article I was reading a little while ago which discusses some of this; if I can find it, I'll post it.

poxalis wrote:Anyway, hyper vigilance (as OP describes as inability to relax) is common learned behavior from an environment that is unsafe. I often wonder how much all PDs are just shades of complex PTSD.

I agree, I think this is basically what they are. Different ways for the mind to protect itself in a bad environment that you later become trapped in like a loop repeating itself, a record skipping every time it encounters something that reminds it of one of those events it skips and plays the same notes over again.

Esmoke wrote:

poxalis wrote:Anyway, hyper vigilance (as OP describes as inability to relax) is common learned behavior from an environment that is unsafe. I often wonder how much all PDs are just shades of complex PTSD.

I agree, I think this is basically what they are. Different ways for the mind to protect itself in a bad environment that you later become trapped in like a loop repeating itself, a record skipping every time it encounters something that reminds it of one of those events it skips and plays the same notes over again.

There are always those cases where there is no obvious signs of trauma and a personality disorder is still present. I’ve read about it having a lot to do with early attachment issues and genetics also. I think most were treated like $#%^ and became sorta dysfunctional humans in return.