What are you looking for in your relationships?

HSS wrote:... what do you hope/wish to receive ... every social relationship, not just with your partners.

I have a complicated relationship with vehicles so if at all possible, at least one person in my life who will check my oil because I accidentally poured it into the dipstick hole once which took multiple bottles to no avail, but a lot of black smoke while driving, and now I get quite nervous doing it.
- Same with my antifreeze because it involves pouring into a hole that has a threatening warning on the lid and is hard to read the "max" line on.
- Also, checking and filling the air in my tires because sometimes I let more air out than in when I do it (becomes an unnecessarily long and tedious or distressing process)
- Willing to drive my car if I have to go on busy highways and busy cities that I'm not familiar with because changing lanes is intimidating
^ Bribing people for these things works decently - though it's hard to find people whose driving I trust (luckily it's almost completely unnecessary where I live at the moment)
- I've been told on more than one occasion that I shouldn't handle knives, but I think I'm good there.

DaturaInnoxia wrote:...

Have you done a cost analysis between having a relationship and just using Uber?


In general, although we think we make decisions about relationships rationally, none of it matters at all in choosing a partner. It's done subconsciously, and there's some evidence to say that we decide on whether a person will be suitable within seconds of meeting them, before we know any of the stuff that's being discussed here.

All these dating sites that stress how much they check compatibility etc, do so because people need to think there's some logic and process behind finding the right partner. The reason these sites work is because it pushes people together and sometimes it works.

I've stated what I wanted in a relationship, but those traits I discovered later. I didn't know when I went into the relationship that she'd still be ######6 like the Duracell bunny, or that she was good at stuff i couldn't do etc...

I chose her because she fitted into a subconscious need or desire I had that I'm still unaware of (consciously: physical attraction), and all this other stuff was just part of the deal.

You get together because you want to have sex, and you stay together in the long-term because you both adapt to each other, and ignore the stuff that's irritating.

You can't have a good relationship unless you're willing and able to adapt.

justonemoreperson wrote:

DaturaInnoxia wrote:...

Have you done a cost analysis between having a relationship and just using Uber?

Yes. I don't like Ubers, but I like joking around.
Bribes are easy because I don't like feeling like I owe others.

justonemoreperson wrote:In general, although we think we make decisions about relationships rationally, none of it matters at all in choosing a partner. It's done subconsciously, and there's some evidence to say that we decide on whether a person will be suitable within seconds of meeting them, before we know any of the stuff that's being discussed here.

No.

The only relationship I was ever happy in was with a man I was friends with for years.
A common interest brought us together and we ended up spending a lot of one-on-one time  together because of it.

When we first started spending that much time together I thought to myself, "Please don't let him hit on me," because I was not at all attracted to him.

We'd go outside with coffee and have a cigarette and get lost in conversations for hours (and I don't even like conversations with most people).
I was frustrated because the occurances interfered with time spent on the hobby.

I eventually realized that I had fallen completely head over heals in love with him.
He wasn't expecting it either and he had to deal with me after that (not that he minded).

He was my best friend, the only person I was happy with, and the only person I've ever fully trusted until he died. I've talked about him many times on this site.

justonemoreperson wrote:All these dating sites that stress how much they check compatibility etc, do so because people need to think there's some logic and process behind finding the right partner. The reason these sites work is because it pushes people together and sometimes it works.

It's not my thing. Luckily, I know what I want; I've had it before.

If I'm not happy, I'd rather be alone and I normally prefer to have things fall into my lap if at all possible.

justonemoreperson wrote:I've stated what I wanted in a relationship, but those traits I discovered later.

Same

justonemoreperson wrote:I didn't know when I went into the relationship that she'd still be ######6 like the Duracell bunny..

Mine would proudly call himself that too because he normally lasted long enough to give me at least 2 orgasms every time - to the point that I couldn't even get up; I've never had that before.
That being said, we didn't have sex as often as I normally I would, and it was quite vanilla (which was totally ok because I loved him).

justonemoreperson wrote:or that she was good at stuff i couldn't do etc... 

To me, this is only relevant for competition.

Having two people passionate about the same subjects can be difficult.

We were both spiritual (but had different beliefs) as well as another common passion.
Separately, I was into psychology, intellectualism and art, whilst he was into guitar and doing things with computers like programming.

justonemoreperson wrote:I chose her because she fitted into a subconscious need or desire

This I agree with this for significant other relationships

justonemoreperson wrote:You get together because you want to have sex,

Usually

justonemoreperson wrote:and you stay together in the long-term because you both adapt to each other, and ignore the stuff that's irritating. 

No, we were best friends with physical affection and sex and all the other things I described.

I jokingly made the comment about the Phoenix because of the fact that he died.

He also helped me with feeding problems with my snakes (taught me everything I know actually) and I think he would have helped me with a tarantula.

He wasn't much for cars but he was a good driver. We were together when I made the oil mistake and he came with me to the mechanic because I was embarrassed at the time - as time passes, I tend to find mistakes and my embarrassing moments quite entertaining

[quote="justonemoreperson"You can't have a good relationship unless you're willing and able to adapt.[/quote]

Yes, this makes sense - I was told I was unrealistic to expect to have a connection like that again and that relationships are normally a lot of "adapting," etc., but thanks for all this anyways.

*after 3 or 4 years of friendship, we discovered a common interest which then led to a lot of time together (as opposed to spending a lot of time together when we first became friends)

DaturaInnoxia wrote:He was my best friend, the only person I was happy with, and the only person I've ever fully trusted until he died. I've talked about him many times on this site.

That's really sad.
I would have preferred if mine died than betray me in the way he did. It has indicated to me how Love can turn to hate under certain circumstances.

salles wrote:

DaturaInnoxia wrote:He was my best friend, the only person I was happy with, and the only person I've ever fully trusted until he died. I've talked about him many times on this site.

That's really sad.

Yeah, it killed me. I prayed that I could die instead a lot while he was in palliative care and ended up hospitalized after he finally passed.
He was in so much pain they couldn't get it under control and had to induce him into a coma.
He died the night before my birthday. I wasn't there that night and others found out before me so I woke up on my birthday and opened Facebook to posted condolences of his death from someone.
But I make meaning to the date and take it to have some sort of significance, so I appreciate it.

He actually rescued my snake and gave her to me (mainly because she bit everyone else) and the other one I have was his favorite.
We often used to have his 10 foot boa constrictor (also one he rescued) sleep under our bed. I adored her, but she was too big for me to handle alone, sadly.

salles wrote:I would have preferred if mine died than betray me in the way he did. It has indicated to me how Love can turn to hate under certain circumstances.

I'll be honest and agree that must be mutilation on the psyche.

Love can turn to hate? Actions, feelings, or..? - if I can ask.

@DATURAINNOXIA:

it looks easy.
No opposite traits at the same time;
and no magical powers;
and no multiracial face;
and no werewolf parents;
and no need to understand that:

Ser5!*XXD796643968PWZ = LIKEMOR67: SAWZ1?, except when Z > W(9)

Didn't you forget something?

That aside, I have been said that I am like a phenix once...

-- Fri Jun 05, 2020 5:21 am --

@MANNERS:

I expect more than I'm willing to give anyway.

A lot of people are like this... me too I guess.

-- Fri Jun 05, 2020 5:23 am --

@THEGENTLEPATH:

Are you a cluster B personality?

@JOMP:

My answer is long and complicated like an encyclopedia, and I am not even sure that I want to write everything, so it takes a little more... if you will have the courage and patience to read!

I feel like your point may have gone over my head - I'm only half awake though.

Like a Phoenix because you bounce back from things I'm assuming?

DaturaInnoxia wrote:I feel like your point may have gone over my head - I'm only half awake though

I was just kidding? Nothing serious.

Like a Phoenix because you bounce back from things I'm assuming?

Yep, because that person supposed that my mind and mood were destroyed by something she said, but she found that I was changed entirely, in a positive way, at our next meeting (some days later). It wasn't an emotional atomic bomb 'though, even if I suspect I was crying on the moment (I don't remind very well).

Resilience