Just took a Personality Inventory and ... wow

Hello, everyone, 27 year old female here, been following this forum and many others for some time. I just took the quite extensive Personality Inventory for DSM-5, and apparently I meet the criteria for ASPD, BPD, NPD, Schizotypal and Avoidant personality disorders. I should get some sort of medal, lol. CBT hasn't been helpful, my therapist honestly doesn't get me and only really addresses my surface and generalized anxieties. Thus far, I've refused to take anti-depressants, which were his strong recommendation, although now I am honestly swallowing my pride and reconsidering. I've perused these forums for quite some time trying to figure out if I could relate to anyone given my symptoms. It's hard for me to relate to people in real life. I'm wondering if anyone has experience dealing with symptoms that cross over into this type of huge co-morbidity. I can't tell you guys how much I'd appreciate anyone willing to share experiences either on this thread, or through private message. It's very difficult for me to open up in real life, and it would be so helpful for me to be able to open up on here to anyone dealing with similar issues. I guess I could start with asking this: how do you deal with the fact that your psychological issues consistently undermine your various capacities and potential, and make it so that it's even harder to advance in life than for those who may not be as gifted? How do you deal with simply not being able to be around people? I am married, but I honestly can't tolerate anyone other than my partner, definitely not my close family, and I have no interest in meeting others. How do you deal with the depression, the self-defeating patterns, and just feeling all around so unbelievably misunderstood?

There is significant overlap with all of these personality disorders. Otto Kernberg believes Npd is just a narcissistic surface covering a borderline structure, in the sense that narcissist are able to deceive themselves by building a facade of a shallow personality to cover the deep insecurity and pain they really feel and a coping mechanism to fight back against the shattered identity of the borderline who is more likely to be in touch with that pain.

There are a few ways I’ve read about how they distinguish between them, ASPD has a criminal element to it, one way I’ve read to tell between NPD and BPD is attachment styles. Borderlines are typically very clingy and needy and narcissist are dismissive and distant thinking they don’t need anyone for anything even with an underlying need for attention and validation that they typically would never admit to, even to themselves, there is a lot of duplicity in both of these disorders that seem to contradict itself. Another simplistic way is if there is self- mutilation, abandonment issues and suicidal ideation it is very likely you Could have borderline personality disorder. C-ptsd is another condition that can look very similar to those particulars BPD and they have ways to tell those apart as well.

hydrangea00 wrote:apparently I meet the criteria for ASPD, BPD, NPD, Schizotypal and Avoidant personality disorders. I should get some sort of medal, lol.

Well hello there!

I will fight you for that medal because I have self-diagnosed that exact same coctail. Am male and 28 though, was in talk-therapy (gestalt psychotherapy) for around a year and a half but she never gave me an official diagnosis. I quit that therapy with talks of signing up somewhere else and getting on meds. Also now considering it strongly because otherwise things are getting darker and darker.

The way I see it my dominant structure used to be NPD but the ASPD traits got so strong that it´s bascially interchangeable. Mainly sadistic and paranoid definitely, might be schizoid or dissociative at times on top of that though because when the BPD hits, $#%^ gets real and real tiresome fast. PTSD perhaps.

Mostly I distract myself with things. Sometimes self-destructive to sort of "reset" me to a lower point so I can keep climbing back up to ground zero again, knowing full well nothing´s really tehre. I tend to hink in a childish way that it´s all just a game we´re playing here anyhows. There are times I become aware that none of what I am doing is really the long-term solution. Tbh, I know that´s not really encouraging but coping mechanisms are just that...

If you have some well-adjusted family, I would suggest finding some support from them with the caveat of not overstaying it and using them. (*ok scratch that you specifically noted that wouldn´t be an option)
I would say it´s good at least that you are married but I do understand the frustration of not being capable or willing of other relations. Have to acknowledge your husband being a hero also for keeping with it thus far.

I guess trying to find some way of doing something fulfilling while avoiding the potholes of your own personality and self-effacing behaviors would be the way to go. Of course couldn´t tell what that would entail for you.

[Hey look, my post is telling of me being less psychotic atm. That´s a win in my book]

*mod edit*

Esmoke wrote:There is significant overlap with all of these personality disorders. Otto Kernberg believes Npd is just a narcissistic surface covering a borderline structure, in the sense that narcissist are able to deceive themselves by building a facade of a shallow personality to cover the deep insecurity and pain they really feel and a coping mechanism to fight back against the shattered identity of the borderline who is more likely to be in touch with that pain.

There are a few ways I’ve read about how they distinguish between them, ASPD has a criminal element to it, one way I’ve read to tell between NPD and BPD is attachment styles. Borderlines are typically very clingy and needy and narcissist are dismissive and distant thinking they don’t need anyone for anything even with an underlying need for attention and validation that they typically would never admit to, even to themselves, there is a lot of duplicity in both of these disorders that seem to contradict itself. Another simplistic way is if there is self- mutilation, abandonment issues and suicidal ideation it is very likely you Could have borderline personality disorder. C-ptsd is another condition that can look very similar to those particulars BPD and they have ways to tell those apart as well.

Thank you for these insights; those overlaps make a lot of sense

-- Sat Apr 11, 2020 6:43 pm --

SelfSerf wrote:Also, if possible you might try microdosing psilocybin. Gets you to ease up on yourself a bit perhaps and remove unnecessary tension, even if it doesn’t necessarily imply a tool for real change.

Thanks for writing this and the above, your experience helps me feel less alone. It's interesting you describe the self-destructive patterns as a way to work back up to "ground zero", almost like an illusion of progress, which is astute and true for me as well. I never thought of them like that. I also frequently feel paranoid. Do you care to share what you feel paranoid about? Wondering how that manifests differently in everyone with these issues, because right now paranoia is my main symptom honestly, and I don't think it's just exaggerated anxiety like my therapist thought. I think the root of it is different and that it is exacerbated by anxiety, like everything else.

Where do you get psilocybin, lol. I'm looking it up. I wish you the best and thanks again for responding, hope to chat further

As for the shrooms, I have been lucky to have met people who are into psychedelics and have contacts. Its always a third person thing. Idk, I always it possible to get drugs by merely asking around. Not the least-dangerous method but It works.


Ask and you shall receive especially applies to shrooms.

I still carry a magical belief that these things are an amazing tool given to us or left here by a ahigher form of consciousness so I tend to think of it as a sacrament (it is odd since I dont consider anything else much holy in this world, sadly) so once you put the thought and intention out there, they will come to you. Also, they are really not to be messed with. If you havent had a full-blown trip I would first advise you against that. Scientifically Psilocybin is said to mimic psychosis in the brain but the assumption is that is because it activates communication between parts of the brain that otherwise do not. In the wrong frame of time and mind this can be ill-advised and lead to permanent mental issues. In general it is said it’s a good idea for anyone with a personality disorders (since we have more like Self fragments, parts of our Self is immature, parts are archaic and so on). Having communication between all these parts can either be healing or scarring, depending on integration. But as of now they have not made a therapy that involves psilocybin available other than for PTSD, so microdosing is the way to go, mkay?

That said, Terence McKenna’s advice is that it’s mandatory to have a deep trip this at least once in your life (but to put strong emphasis on set and setting. it is vital). Prior to this, it is however best to be acquainted with the substance well in advance.

Anyhow. It’s good if my post helped you some. It seems the least we can do is offer alternative perspectives and at best some insights. It is ironic though because a lot of responses to me here I have glazed over and only after visiting later I see the real gist of it. I dont have any answers here tbh at all, being amidst one of the biggest circlejerks of my whole life.
There are a lot of topics on here to look through also, which mention a lot of these themes.

As far as paranoia, it ranges a lot. Mainly the general of (people are talking bad about me behind my back, think am crazy, theyve taken a disliking to me). And these are all quite well-founded thoughts since I can be quite abrasive. Since I’ve become aware that I objectify myself a lot (80% of the tome) I tend to do the same towards others (people on the streets) and am afraid they will notice. Also, since I am out of touch with feelings I feel like my body is just a vessel hauling around my mind. I fear the mask of sanity slipping in a general sense. Am trying to be aware that I don’t freak people out (because I literally often feel like I don’t give a damn whether they are there or not) with my obtuse mannerisms or haughty behavior. I give off bad vibes mostly and am thinking I will be somehow ousted.

SelfSerf wrote: As far as paranoia, it ranges a lot. Mainly the general of (people are talking bad about me behind my back, think am crazy, theyve taken a disliking to me). And these are all quite well-founded thoughts since I can be quite abrasive. Since I’ve become aware that I objectify myself a lot (80% of the tome) I tend to do the same towards others (people on the streets) and am afraid they will notice. Also, since I am out of touch with feelings I feel like my body is just a vessel hauling around my mind. I fear the mask of sanity slipping in a general sense. Am trying to be aware that I don’t freak people out (because I literally often feel like I don’t give a damn whether they are there or not) with my obtuse mannerisms or haughty behavior. I give off bad vibes mostly and am thinking I will be somehow ousted.

Wow, can relate to all of the above. I can be quite abrasive as well. I think it's even less socially acceptable for me, since I'm a woman. I'm also conventionally attractive and I say this with some degree of objectivity, as I never aspired to model but am able to do so for fun in my free time. Because of this, I come off as a totally conceited bitch even when I'm not actually thinking negatively of others, and am just not interested in engaging in conversation due to being in a way stuck in my own head. I like that you used "mask of sanity", I definitely have used that phrase before and feel it slipping all the time. Do you ever wonder how you became this way? I struggled a lot in therapy because I don't remember a lot about my childhood. If I could only figure out the source of all this dysfunction and pain, I could probably figure out how to heal at least some parts of myself. But I'm just so cut off from memory, feelings, anything really. I feel totally inhuman a lot of the time, except when I have my emotional outpourings and outbursts over seemingly random occurrences or triggers.

hydrangea00 wrote:Hello, everyone, 27 year old female here, been following this forum and many others for some time. I just took the quite extensive Personality Inventory for DSM-5, and apparently I meet the criteria for ASPD, BPD, NPD, Schizotypal and Avoidant personality disorders. I should get some sort of medal, lol. CBT hasn't been helpful, my therapist honestly doesn't get me and only really addresses my surface and generalized anxieties. Thus far, I've refused to take anti-depressants, which were his strong recommendation, although now I am honestly swallowing my pride and reconsidering. I've perused these forums for quite some time trying to figure out if I could relate to anyone given my symptoms. It's hard for me to relate to people in real life. I'm wondering if anyone has experience dealing with symptoms that cross over into this type of huge co-morbidity. I can't tell you guys how much I'd appreciate anyone willing to share experiences either on this thread, or through private message. It's very difficult for me to open up in real life, and it would be so helpful for me to be able to open up on here to anyone dealing with similar issues. I guess I could start with asking this: how do you deal with the fact that your psychological issues consistently undermine your various capacities and potential, and make it so that it's even harder to advance in life than for those who may not be as gifted? How do you deal with simply not being able to be around people? I am married, but I honestly can't tolerate anyone other than my partner, definitely not my close family, and I have no interest in meeting others. How do you deal with the depression, the self-defeating patterns, and just feeling all around so unbelievably misunderstood?

Im in psychoanalytic therapy for over two years now and my paranoia has basically vanished completely. My social anxiety and self-centeredness has also decreased. On the other hand side I've become much more creative and have started to set myself goals I want to achieve. At least all my neighbours seem to like me a lot, too , constantly showering me with stuff... I'm not sure why though lol.
From where I started a few years ago - being constantly high on drugs and basically just lying on the couch all day - thats a pretty drastic development I think; eventhough for me personally it looks like very slow babysteps with lots of setbacks, which only in retrospect looks like a development.
Personality disorders or structural disorders are very complex to treat and frankly CBT is not suited in most cases if you ask me. Therapy needs to address the structural deficits, basically you go through the development that you should've gone through as a kid and it takes an awful amount of time, but is necessary, because a lot of the issues that are caused by borderline disorders will only vanish when the mind has matured enough. This cant be just "conditioned" or induced via some magic pill sadly - at least thats my experience and also what I've read in a lot of psychological literature over the years.

Akuma wrote:Im in psychoanalytic therapy for over two years now and my paranoia has basically vanished completely. My social anxiety and self-centeredness has also decreased. On the other hand side I've become much more creative and have started to set myself goals I want to achieve. At least all my neighbours seem to like me a lot, too , constantly showering me with stuff... I'm not sure why though lol.

If you don’t mind me asking were you referred to psychoanalytic style therapy or did you specifically seek it out?

I wanted to do that type from the start.