Is this a narcissistic personality disordered person?

Hi, I am constantly being told that I call "everyone" a narcissist, however, in my experience, I now encounter so many people I believe it is VERY common, my own mother definitely being one unfortunately.

I have just walked away from my GF since I believe she is one, if I describe her behavior, can anyone tell me if she indeed a narc? Or the problem is with me?

When we first got together, she seemed overly controlling. I had to delete all my dating profiles, I wasn't allowed to speak with my ex before her, she was not happy me having female friends, etc. etc. She would have temper tantrums over little things like me using my cuttlery wrong, but at the same time, she was constantly sending me love letters, little notes, it seemed over the top, and she seemed upset if I didn't match the amount of cards and love letters that I gave back to her.

Then came the first major problem;

I had a female friend call me drunk one evening and I ignored it. I explained it was only a friend. As a consequence, my GF then got up in the middle of night and while i was sleeping went through all my phone messages. She then found a private discussion I had with my sister about getting money back owed from my ex (whether I should or not because it was over $1000) - it was only a discussion I had not interacted with my ex in anyway, just a private conversation with my family.

This triggered my GF to go insane, and she had an explosive temper tantrum in the morning when I awoke. I then went to work and then found I was blocked by her on every form of communication when I got back to my own place.

No matter how many messages I sent asking her if we could talk/resolve, or explaining that I had no feelings for my ex, she would not reply. She did not communicate IN ANY WAY with me for TWO WEEKS. It was only when I had gone to hers for the third time, written a letter, and loads of flowers she finally gave in and talked to me.

During the silent time she would unblock me on messaging, only to block me again minutes later, then deny she had unblocked me in the first place when I questioned it. When I had turned up to her's for the third time, she "pretended" she was on her way out to an important "work" meeting, but I knew this wasn't the case since she drove off up - what she didn't that I knew - was a dead end street.

Now the most recent episode. Valentines night. I had sent her a card in the post, got flowers, chocolates, but unfortunately a personalised gift hadn't arrived (I explained that I was sorry about this). However on the eve, I felt like I was being interviewed. She seemed to give the impression that I was at fault because I had not talked about marriage or possibly proposed that evening (I only know her 8 months) etc. I then told her that if we were to get married etc, we need to live together first, and this requires her to get a job (she has not worked for nearly a year and I had been paying for 99% of our outings). We then got back to mine, and she had a temper tantrum saying that I had bullied her about getting a job (I had not, and had been very calm and rational about it) and said she was "going". This time, I did not try to stop her this time, and her temper tantrum got worse and worse while I hid under the bed sheets trying to avoid confrontation.

She then repeated the same behaviour as before, blocked me on everything, ignored any messages from those channels of communication that weren't blocked. 4 days later it was my birthday, and still I heard nothing from her. The sad thing is I had got her an engagement ring, but she just didn't know.

I then gave up and stopped contacting her after sending quite a few upset messages seeing as she had ruined my birthday (I had booked 2 nights in a hotel with champagne but instead spent my birthday completely alone because I had no time to make new plans).

She then (2 weeks later) unblocked me from facebook. I gave her the ultimatum and said if she doesn't contact me tonight I am going for good. In response to this blocked me again! This triggered me to drive to hers, and her mum was there and handled me at the doorstep while my GF hid upstairs. Her mum then told my GF to call me later, we spoke, and she apologised saying she was under a lot of stress at the moment (her mum is ill) but I said I would not tolerate such childish behaviour anymore and the damage emotionally and financially she was causing me. Her mum then started screaming for help from upstairs (even though she didn't appear that ill at the doorstep), and the call ended.

I am still blocked on everything and do not know what to do.

I am torn because I am worried she is overburen with her mum being ill, yet she has shown to me she has deep narcissistic traits. Also, I believe her mum is a narcissitic parent, pulling the strings, because her daughter is now looking after her, and she ignores me. It's like her mum doesn't want to lose her to me?

Can anyone tell me if this is what I am seeing here? Or is this just normal human interaction and I have been overly upset by her need for space after arguments etc.?

Thanks

Hello, are you still here and involved in this?

I've only just joined and don't like to see a thread go unanswered in any forum...

I have had an insecure-seeming girlfriend who had periods of verbal aggression, and a platonic female friend who almost certainly has the behaviours we associate with NPD. Your girlfriend sounds more like the first type, as difficult to work with as this is. Maybe since posting you have gone round in familiar circles and find yourself in the same place.

With the virus situation you may be using social media more than you had for communication. I think this is a big problem. My friendship with the woman with NPD is probably in the finished-looking shape that it is because she was over-reliant on Messenger. Last February she walked up to me on the street, said, "Can you unblock me on Messenger, I want to talk to you," and then walked away. To a 48-year-old man this seems almost funny (and she is 43, with the tastes and habits of someone half that age) but it's not really. This thing of apps messing up communication instead of aiding it is a disease that will outlive the coronavirus.

I had sixteen sessions of counselling last year with the best counsellor I've ever had, and have learned that some mixes of neurosis just cannot work in relationships. The wrong buttons can only be pushed, unintentionally or otherwise. I have wasted a long time in my life missing people who I shouldn't; I've persevered with friendships that were never healthy. I would want to say to a lot of people, seeing the same kinds of thing being replayed everywhere - by all means never give up on anyone immediately and don't act in a fickle fashion as soon as anything goes wrong. But months of pointless pain and aggravation show that the polarity is wrong. There people just need to accept that things can't work and move on. Seven billion people in the world - there is someone who is a better fit for both parties when this stuff is happening.