Inverted Narcissistic Craving

covertunsure wrote:

ViniStonemoss wrote:Almost everybody has empathy as a sensor, be it the emotional or cognitive form. But empathy as taking the necessary steps when someone is struggling is the department where narcissists struggle.

How does one know whether they have it as a sensor or if it actually manifests in taking action?

Most people can sense other's distress, including Cluster B.

But sensing a person's distress does not mean I'm going to address it appropriately ( = take the appropriate action, be it listening, empathizing, take time out of my schedule for you etc.)

And since as several here have pointed out, narcissists overestimate their emotional empathy, that's very well possibly the case for me too.

Perhaps you should trust your guts here. You wrote that you are sensitive to other's appraisal of you and can be self-absorbed but that you fear the diagnosis. Which points toward the fact that you have at least some traits but can't relate to the archetype.

Don't you know in your guts what you are? Do you really need some form of external validation? I'm not advocating against you seeking expert advice - on the contrary, just that you seem self-conscious enough that you might be able to trust your intuition a bit more.

People are complex and it's rare to neatly fit into a single DSM box.

AProphet wrote:I was self abusive, mostly harmless to others, "hated" (cant realy hate, you have no feelings) only my friend and my love that cared for me more than anyone, in all this life.

Not mentioning I broke her heart while being in love with her.

So you did hurt someone after all.

What makes you think you're not a narcissist anymore? The intense self-loathing would suggest that you are?

AProphet wrote: "empathy towards yourself" and "NPD doesnt nesscesairly lack empathy" level.

I hear you, can be grating. But truthfully is nothing else but a defensive habit. It's the nature of the disorder to confuse self-indulgence with self-care.

It does irritate me from time to time, and I catch myself reacting negatively, but then I realize it's part of a hand people have been dealt and had I been dealt this hand, I would not be doing a better job at caring for myself.

ViniStonemoss wrote:

covertunsure wrote:

ViniStonemoss wrote:Almost everybody has empathy as a sensor, be it the emotional or cognitive form. But empathy as taking the necessary steps when someone is struggling is the department where narcissists struggle.

How does one know whether they have it as a sensor or if it actually manifests in taking action?

Most people can sense other's distress, including Cluster B.

But sensing a person's distress does not mean I'm going to address it appropriately ( = take the appropriate action, be it listening, empathizing, take time out of my schedule for you etc.)

I have a terrible memory, but as a kid, I think many people thought I was sensitive and sweet. I've always hated seeing people be hurt and felt like I wanted to help them. But I've also always been obsessed with getting attention. I was the class clown in school, etc.

ViniStonemoss wrote:

And since as several here have pointed out, narcissists overestimate their emotional empathy, that's very well possibly the case for me too.

Perhaps you should trust your guts here. You wrote that you are sensitive to other's appraisal of you and can be self-absorbed but that you fear the diagnosis. Which points toward the fact that you have at least some traits but can't relate to the archetype.

Don't you know in your guts what you are? Do you really need some form of external validation? I'm not advocating against you seeking expert advice - on the contrary, just that you seem self-conscious enough that you might be able to trust your intuition a bit more.

People are complex and it's rare to neatly fit into a single DSM box.

Just to clarify, what do you mean by "know what I am?" Do you mean trusting my gut, e.g. about my attractiveness, etc.?

I'm obsessed with my attractiveness and others' opinion and reflection of it. I "need" them to help define me and tell me I'm attractive. I don't truly believe that I'm supernaturally beautiful.

My gut tells me I'm an 8.5/10, so very handsome, but I have a painful compulsion and need to be something that I'm not--movie-star level handsome (e.g. (almost) perfect). I feel I need to be this in order to be special, awe-inspiring, and most of all, to win over and find love with someone I'm super attracted to and who I'm proud to be with because of their high sexual marketplace value.

To stress the point, the need to be perfect carries over into almost every other domain, but the focus on attractiveness predominates, perhaps because it's almost exclusively the only kind of "narcissistic supply" (if that's what it is) I can fairly easily get on a daily basis.

ViniStonemoss wrote:Seems like CovertUnsure is gathering self-information. I am not sure there is a wrong way to go about that.

What I see here is that his therapist cued his OCD apparently, I wouldnt call that self-information. He has been in these loops for years. Sure, theres nothing wrong or right about it, but its also not useful.

covertunsure wrote:Do you mean trusting my gut, e.g. about my attractiveness, etc.?

I meant trust your guts regarding your narcissism.

covertunsure wrote: I feel I need to be this in order to be special, awe-inspiring, and most of all, to win over and find love with someone I'm super attracted to and who I'm proud to be with because of their high sexual marketplace value.

That sure sounds like a narcissistic fantasy.

Akuma wrote:What I see here is that his therapist cued his OCD apparently, I wouldnt call that self-information. He has been in these loops for years. Sure, theres nothing wrong or right about it, but its also not useful.

Right. I thought that if he could trust his intuition that led him here in the first place, he could move on to solving something else.

Sometimes you need people to validate your intuition, because you are used to let people define you.

But there is a possibility I am being naive about this...

Apologies for being snappy, I do appreciate your input.

One example of how I may not be narcissistic is that I don't care that this talk is no longer about me haha. I'm not going to bother to read all of this, but still. I'm glad that my post has sparked a discussion between you guys and thus has been useful.

hahahahahahah I just proved Vaknin with your own study and they will pretend it doesnt exist. Marvelous. Doesnt matter if the fool gives you credit or doesnt. Time to get off narcissism planet.

-- Fri Oct 04, 2019 5:54 am --

ViniStonemoss wrote:

AProphet wrote: "empathy towards yourself" and "NPD doesnt nesscesairly lack empathy" level.

I hear you, can be grating. But truthfully is nothing else but a defensive habit. It's the nature of the disorder to confuse self-indulgence with self-care.

It does irritate me from time to time, and I catch myself reacting negatively, but then I realize it's part of a hand people have been dealt and had I been dealt this hand, I would not be doing a better job at caring for myself.

HHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HWTFF I JUST UNDERSTOOD THIS POST AHAHHAHAHAHAH
OH MY GOD AHAHAHHAHA WOW you realy got back at me!!!!!!!!!!! I am hurting

oh my god i was this way.... I am so ######6 scarred... it wil take me years to recover...

Zoicite23 wrote:One example of how I may not be narcissistic is that I don't care that this talk is no longer about me haha. I'm not going to bother to read all of this, but still. I'm glad that my post has sparked a discussion between you guys and thus has been useful.

Thb I had not even read your first post

To my defense, it sounded more like a confession, but do you have further questions?

ViniStonemoss wrote:

Zoicite23 wrote:One example of how I may not be narcissistic is that I don't care that this talk is no longer about me haha. I'm not going to bother to read all of this, but still. I'm glad that my post has sparked a discussion between you guys and thus has been useful.

Thb I had not even read your first post

To my defense, it sounds more like a confession, did you have any questions?

why would he ask you idiots questions? You think your having a discussion? sharing ideas? cool
Like Vaknin says. You live in a magical fantasy where you are all powerfull, godlike.

No. Just making it up for participating to the derailment of his thread.