Is there more meaning on the other side?

It is about perceived threats that aren’t real, I’ve been doing observational exercises for a few months. Basically walk when you walk into a room, pay attention, where do your eyes go? What’s the first thing you tend to notice? What effect does this have on you if any?

To take it a level deeper try to challenge perception, is this person really a threat, are they even aware of your presence, do they care? It’s work, but if you think about it, humans can be conditioned to think and behave in almost any way imaginable under the right circumstances. It’s a matter of repetition

xdude wrote:

GadSitar wrote:If I could do this most of my problems would go away....

I don't have any quick solution. That tearing into self, introspection, feeling what we were denied feeling, is mostly painful, and lonely. Most therapists really don't understand this either. It's going to hurt.

I still find myself going for the throat at times, and then later regret doing so. And I still find myself telling everyone around me to f-off at times. The reality is people do like the over-the-top me, but also they don't (haha). I suspect most people with NPD grew up with these mixed messages, be special, but don't be.

It's like being trapped in a dungeon of madness. Having to now contemplate your entire life without any escape. I wish there was an absolute cure for NPD.

GadSitar wrote:It's like being trapped in a dungeon of madness. Having to now contemplate your entire life without any escape. I wish there was an absolute cure for NPD.

It is maddening. For all cluster B types, it is maddening to try to find a way out. There is no absolute out either, just a fringe area where life is better (or worse). It's hard to face the fact, our core sense of self-esteem is not there, no matter how hard we look for it. Diving deeper just reveals it's missing.

All we can do is give ourselves a break, I am my own worst enemy.

ZeroZ wrote:It is about perceived threats that aren’t real

Agree with this 100 percent. This is our real challenge. Ironically people like us more when we aren't threatened, but our knee-jerk reaction is to fight. Others really aren't trying to belittle us, they are just asking a question, are you human, can I trust you and have a relationship with you? Those tests are just a way of getting through the defense mechanisms we all have. Once you do that 90 degree shift of thinking, it's possible to realize others just want to know, can we be buddies/friends, or more.

GadSitar wrote:But I just feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. I don't even find much pleasure in activities with others. What's the point in all of this? (I'm not arguing for suicide)

Maybe you have depersonalization/derealization as well.

Could be. I don't feel very alive to be honest and the antipsychotic I'm on doesn't seem to help either.

@OP Emotional connection is what bestows meaning. Being detached is what creates lack of meaning. Therefore, you struggle to find meaning.
So the answer to the titular question is "yes", pretty much.

It's up to us to choose to enjoy our lives or not. There is no more on the other side. A concert is happening right now, do you tune in or out, the rest is noise in practical terms.

There is but without self reflection I doubt you will see it. The gods, Mother Ayahuasca came to me and gave me a chance to break threw on dmt with her help. Everything she said was literally true to the word. Scared (hates) love, false self, Including "break threw, now or never" "please, you have to break threw (the sound of breaking threw). Never occured to me to ask the entities what they mean. Will something bad happen? Maybe I will die and be unable to break threw on dmt, my biggest dream. The me back then, my false self, is dead now. As NPD you are infallible and perfect. The gods have nothing to tell you, you allready know everything. I could literaly talk to the entities and they would answer. But I was unable to. I couldnt say anything meaningful to them at all.