Is there more meaning on the other side?

GadSitar wrote:Sounds terrifying to an NPD like me. It's like saying drop your shield and weapon during a battle. So much vulnerability in the face of daily threats... which brings me to this question I have always wondered about... How do regular people deal with this vulnerability or say feeling of being exposed to the world? Why don't they feel threatened and that they must protect themselves?

They are sometiems hurt. They surround themselves with people who care and make them feel good.

GadSitar wrote:Sounds terrifying to an NPD like me. It's like saying drop your shield and weapon during a battle. So much vulnerability in the face of daily threats... which brings me to this question I have always wondered about... How do regular people deal with this vulnerability or say feeling of being exposed to the world? Why don't they feel threatened and that they must protect themselves?

Because most of the threats arent real.

Akuma wrote:

GadSitar wrote:Sounds terrifying to an NPD like me. It's like saying drop your shield and weapon during a battle. So much vulnerability in the face of daily threats... which brings me to this question I have always wondered about... How do regular people deal with this vulnerability or say feeling of being exposed to the world? Why don't they feel threatened and that they must protect themselves?

Because most of the threats arent real.

You mean to say this world is not a dangerous place? I beg to differ.

GadSitar wrote:

Akuma wrote:
Because most of the threats arent real.

You mean to say this world is not a dangerous place? I beg to differ.

Its not about the world being a dangerous place. People like to feel valued and accepted. If they are not, their feelings are hurt, and they feel bad about themselves. Emotional pain is as real as physical pain. Thus they try to avoid it by seeking acceptance and apreciation.

AProphet wrote:

GadSitar wrote:Sounds terrifying to an NPD like me. It's like saying drop your shield and weapon during a battle. So much vulnerability in the face of daily threats... which brings me to this question I have always wondered about... How do regular people deal with this vulnerability or say feeling of being exposed to the world? Why don't they feel threatened and that they must protect themselves?

They are sometiems hurt. They surround themselves with people who care and make them feel good.

When people speak from a place of truthfulness and are also confident in their ability to defend themselves, there is not much people can do to them really. There is nothing to expose.

(I mean in democracies with a globally fair justice system)

Cassandre wrote:

AProphet wrote:

GadSitar wrote:Sounds terrifying to an NPD like me. It's like saying drop your shield and weapon during a battle. So much vulnerability in the face of daily threats... which brings me to this question I have always wondered about... How do regular people deal with this vulnerability or say feeling of being exposed to the world? Why don't they feel threatened and that they must protect themselves?

They are sometiems hurt. They surround themselves with people who care and make them feel good.

When people speak from a place of truthfulness and are also confident in their ability to defend themselves, there is not much people can do to them really. There is nothing to expose.

(I mean in democracies with a globally fair justice system)

I see what you are saying. Most people I see have this genuiness about them. It doesn't feel like they are acting or pretending. I sometimes project and think they might be acting but there is also a profound internal realisation that I am wrong on that account.

Recently, people have found out various things I was hiding and the reactions made me feel under assault. It was mostly bad stuff from my childhood and also bad thibgs I did as an adult which contradicted the "Nice guy" image i honed over the years. Now I'm sort of exposed as a bad person and it's not a nice feeling.

Akuma wrote:Because most of the threats arent real.

Personally I think it's this ^^^

It's a difference in perception about what is a threat, and what is not (or not enough to damage a relationship over). Perhaps their core sense of self-esteem is better off to start, so easier to do.

On a broader philosophical scale, we are all guilty of trying to change others (or the world) before we change ourselves, but it's a matter of degree. There is always the option of turning our focus to changing our perception, but that can seem to be impossible. It's ironic when we think we can change others through logical arguments, but can't even convince ourselves to change.

In some ways it doesn't matter what is real, what matters is how it's affecting us. Eventually I got tired of having knee jerk reactions to every perceived threat, but it took a couple decades to start to change my perception and in reality I still do react. Still, turning the down the volume (my sense of threat level) a few notches is a step in the direction I want to go. It's a long process to change, but it starts with, I need to make a change (vs trying to change others, the world, the universe, etc.).

If I could do this most of my problems would go away....

GadSitar wrote:If I could do this most of my problems would go away....

I don't have any quick solution. That tearing into self, introspection, feeling what we were denied feeling, is mostly painful, and lonely. Most therapists really don't understand this either. It's going to hurt.

I still find myself going for the throat at times, and then later regret doing so. And I still find myself telling everyone around me to f-off at times. The reality is people do like the over-the-top me, but also they don't (haha). I suspect most people with NPD grew up with these mixed messages, be special, but don't be.

p.s. Something others kept trying to tell me, but I wasn't listening, because it went against every grain of my being...

Truth is subjective. It doesn't actually matter what is true, what matters is am I enjoying this (or not), something we were denied as NPD types (god forbid you get to enjoy anything, accomplish things, put on a good show, feelings don't matter). We learned to be valued for what we do, but we weren't valued for just being.

This is so @!@@@! up on so many levels, but it's what we learned. It's utter BS, you only matter if you do things for me, but that's how we learned to be NPD. It's not a license to harm others, but we do have to give ourselves a license to care about ourselves, equally, not because of what we do, just cause. It's very hard to learn to think like this.