Do you get fed up pretending to be empathetic?

You know that moment, when you know someone is about to tell you something that requires an emotional response, or at the very least a response that gives the impression you actually care? I dread that moment.

Sometimes when people are talking it's like I'm having a private mental battle between the part of me that wants to say "You know, I honestly don't give a $#%^ about anything you just said" and the pragmatic part that knows I can't do that if I don't want to alienate everyone in my life.

The constant pretence and acting, it wears me out as I get older. I honestly wish I had normal emotional responses.

No. I don't pretend at all.

I can easily be sympathetic towards an issue however I have a very strict rule that I will sympathise when the topic is originally brought up however if there are means any ways to work on said problem or fix it I don't want to hear any of it until it's been worked on. That's just a waste of my time and I shouldn't put any more effort into a problem than someone else who actually has the problem does.

It wins me all the friends. It's great.

I agree I don’t pretend, I just try to offer a logical solution to the situation if there is one. I remember a chiropractor I was going to, a cute little chick and very young breaking down in tears during a session telling me her BF just called and broke it off with her.

I’m looking at her face she was overwhelmed with sadness but what is going through my head is, “ok wtf does she expect out of me does she want a hug, should I tell her she can do better, should I ask her out?” I just ended up staring at her until she stopped crying.

@Z

That's ridiculous though. Firstly if this happened before your session she should have just said she has had a personal problem and needs to reschedule your appointment.
Secondly if this was during your appointment why the ###$ did she answer her phone. A break up call could have waited until after a patient considering that you are paying her for that time.

I pretty much would have told her that while she was crying plus called her unprofessional.

As I said. All the friends. So many.

To be honest I am not really like that to people who I am friendly with but I can be a bit ruthless if I am paying someone for something. It's one of my more grating traits.

Yeah, she didn’t have a secretary yet, she just started her practice so she would answer phones in-between patients. It happens what can you do, I’m sure she didn’t think it was a break up call.

I completely identified with the original poster, but was then struck by how differently the people who answered behave. I wonder if what's playing out is that female narcissists will pretend to empathise, whilst male ones won't, because of their expected roles within society?

Men are more likely to be reserved or practically minded anyway when empathy is called for, but this isn't the case for females. Our 'approved' qualities are attractiveness and warmth.

You are so soft Z. I don't think I have seen any of your negative traits come to the surface. Do you think it's gotten better over the years or have you gotten better at hiding It?

Also I'll just add that if she answered the call before your session - she is not a princess who cannot possibly use her vocal chords to reschedule an appointment and she studied to be a chiropractor so I am sure she was old enough to realise she wasn't emotionally stable to attend to a patient sooooooooooooooo...

No excuses.

Even if she's cute .

I don’t know what to tell ya, it didn’t bother me. I was more interested in trying to date her now that she is single. I’m more of an opportunist than an asshOle

There is a difference between being an asshole and expecting people to be professional under a professional setting or at least as professional as possible. Being an asshole would be to say that I could see why he dumped her if she is so emotionally needy that she would see a patient just to get sympathy.

But yes. I can be a bitch sometimes.

Spaced wrote:You know that moment, when you know someone is about to tell you something that requires an emotional response, or at the very least a response that gives the impression you actually care? I dread that moment.

Sometimes when people are talking it's like I'm having a private mental battle between the part of me that wants to say "You know, I honestly don't give a $#%^ about anything you just said" and the pragmatic part that knows I can't do that if I don't want to alienate everyone in my life.

The constant pretence and acting, it wears me out as I get older. I honestly wish I had normal emotional responses.

Well funnily just telling people to shut up isnt necessarily indicative of mental illness but can be indicative of healthy boundaries. On the other hand side if people who have some basic trust towards you tell you stuff, expecting an empathetic response, while you have an empathy deficit, then something went awry along the way - or more clearly its your fault for not having been forward abotu such a deficit with them in the past.
So from the standpoint of investigating whats going on its probably interesting to look at this ambivalence, on the one hand side being forward about your own desires (or blocking them because you think its the right thing or whatever) and feeling you have to be there for another person in some way that you think you cant.