Can narcissism be diagnosed on NHS and it there a cure?

Hi

I did something unforgiveable last night. For 10 years, my partner and I argue non-stop. I was 100% at fault. If he makes a mistake, I would blame him and shout at him so much like it is the end of the world. I put him down all the time as if he is completely useless. As he was growing up, he had an abusive father, I take no notice of this and showed no empathy towards him (when we argue) and again and again, he forgives me. I would then do it again. All the arguments are explosive, to the point where violence is used (I bite him, and he pushes me away) but everytime he forgives me as he thinks I will change. He says I am self-centred, calculated and manipulative. He said when people say they are in a dark place? I am that dark place. He calls me pure evil, and he is staying because he doesn't want our little girl to grow up like me.

Last night, he mentioned going away for a few nights and before he even gets a word in, I flipped, saying he was leaving me to do everything. He said I was being unfair, and my little girl came in and asked us to stop shouting. We argued so much that I told him to get out (I tell him this every time we argue) and I went to tell me little girl that her daddy was leaving. She started crying, and he grabbed me and took her out of her room and said I was despicable. He said I am not fit to be a mother. He said I better change, I better sort this out. He said he thinks I am bipolar, I can be nice to him one day but the next, if something I don't like happens, I can go from nice to anger in less than a second. The rage in me will takeover and I don't see anything else.

I don't want to scare my little girl again. Already she is scared of me. She prefers her daddy to me. They say you take it out on the closest person to you, hence that is why my partner has not left, he doesn't want my daughter facing my jekyll and hyde personality.

I looked up on my symptoms, and they sound narcissistic but I ONLY show these traits to my partner. No-one else. Every one else thinks I am an angel. Little so they know

PS. I was diagnosed with severe depression 10 year ago and have been on anti-depressants. At first my partner thinks it's my depression, but he has had enough of being treated like a punchbag. I have already destroyed him, I don't want to destroy my little girl too

Hi,

I'm sorry for the possibly harsh tone in this reply, I'm just giving it to you straight as someone who grew up in the same circumstances as your daughter.

Do you feel like you have a choice in the way that you act? What drives you to treat them like this? How do you feel when you do it?

Regarding protecting your daughter from the Hyde/Jekyll-you, believe me, she's already exposed. I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and my sister and I dealt with PTSD for years together with a long list of other psychological disorders.

I'm not sure what exactly you're asking here, but I'd suggest that you get yourself properly assessed by a psychologist and deal with whatever you're diagnosed with, to change the way you treat your family. Alternatively let them go and see them during visits.

Make no mistake, in the rate you're going you're definitely scarring your little girl for life.

I really don't mean to be rude or mean, and I apologize if it comes off that way.

Well there are several things to note here I think. When you and your partner argue all the time (arguments in which, if your description is correct, you both are shouting) for ten years you have a dysfunctional relationship and both of you have issues, else you wouldnt stay in it for such a long time. From that perspective maybe a couples approach might be useful to look at.
From the diagnosis perspective there are two types of diagnosis really, one is basically by using DSM and other symptom lists, you can get this quickly by any psychiatrist, sometimes also neurologists and MDs - other one is a more depth-psychological thing which is based on interviews that look at your psychological structure. This is usually done over the course of several interviews with a psychologist / (psychiatric) psychotherapist who is schooled in psychodynamic/-analytic treatment and diagnosis. If NHS pays for that or offers it sadly I cannot tell you as I'm in Germany, maybe someone else here knows.
As for y cure thats a bit of a complicated question. Your biggest personal thing seems to be an inability or unwillingness to control your impulses; after all having a mental disorder of any kind does not immediately turn one into an abuser. Impulse-control can be learned, its a longer process but when there is a stable motivation prognosis there is mostly good. When its about totally changing the basic personality structure to get some BPD or NPD or whatever you might have out of the system aka turn borderline->neurosis that is a more theoretical possibility; there is lot sof people where it has worked, also lots where for whatever reason it hasnt. Its definitely a very long, slow, hard-to-control and hard-to-bear process thats quti eon another level than changing some "bad habits".
So if you can manage to keep your motivation up enough for this, I would suggest you look for a psychodynamic therapist, tell them about your stuff and simply see what they think.

Akuma wrote:after all having a mental disorder of any kind does not immediately turn one into an abuser.

I agree with this.