I am either the King or the Loser.

I crave power, dominance, and control. When I get these I am the king. When I do not I am the loser. There is never a middle ground with me.

I enjoy the validation I get from people in the form of the 3 bolded words. Still, I do not take pleasure in hurting people but when it does happen, it is another form of validation. I do not lack empathy and I can be quite emotionally warm as a person.

I have been diagnosed aspd. Others call me an npd. I brought this up with my therapist and she laughed saying I am too self-aware to ever be an npd.

Whatever. All I know is I either believe I am someone truly special or I believe I am a piece of crap and it's all connected by the most recent validation and thought patterns currently occurring in my life.

I am only 20. Maybe once I am older I will become more stable. Who knows.

Kaloya? Is that you ?

RkC wrote:I brought this up with my therapist and she laughed saying I am too self-aware to ever be an npd.

You got yourself a crappy therapist there

Feel free to explain Akuma.

If your therapist thinks someone cant have NPD because they have self-awareness then he/she apparently has no experience with this clientele and on top of that a rather sketchy idea of what it is about.

I'm interested in your opinion of what an Npd looks like, Akuma. Awesome name, btw

RkC wrote:I'm interested in your opinion of what an Npd looks like, Akuma. Awesome name, btw

Well that's kind of the point, there is no generic pwNPD. Even on the prototypal level there are several abstract varieties of narcissistic disorders distinguished at the moment: the grandiose and vulnerable one and the overt and covert one. While it is kind of a [often correct] cliché that a grandiose overt pwNPD will be less likely to become self-aware it has to do not so much with the personality construct but with the individual overall ability for introspection, psychological-mindedness, how his emotional states are, his willpower, impulse-control, his individual interpersonal and life-experiences etc. So how a pwNPD looks like and how likely they are to show up in therapy [and if they do how long they will stay in therapy] depends not on some diagnostic term. In addition the NPI- or the DSM-narcissist portrays only a subset of narcissistic disorders; in contrast psychoanalytically informed therapies for example give the term narcissistic a much broader meaning.