Myths about NPD

Does this ring true for any of you? Are there any other myths you find to exist? I know a few have said the need for narcissistic supply is a myth for them. Any other ones?

https://youtu.be/jV1knP5-K1o

That's pretty funny. He's actually perpetuating a popular myth about NPD in a video trying to refute myhths.
In reality, narcissists self-esteem goes up and down.
DSM-5:

a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

So then what is the purpose of the grandiose false self image then? To protect an underlying issue of low self confidence?

ZombieZ wrote:Does this ring true for any of you? Are there any other myths you find to exist? I know a few have said the need for narcissistic supply is a myth for them. Any other ones?

https://youtu.be/jV1knP5-K1o

"My Narc tried to hoover me back!" is probably the one I've read here the most in the years I've been on. Another is that pwNPD have no empathy and are exploitative.

ZombieZ wrote:I know a few have said the need for narcissistic supply is a myth for them.

Nobody seeks supply intentionally as it is essentially unfulfilling. Seeking supply is not a need you can just carve out from yourself/repress, you have to transition to validating yourself in a constructive manner.

Posters who consider supply a myth are generally unaware that they are seeking supply, or they will keep their awareness of it to a minimum and deny. I feel like pwNPD who are on the introverted side of the spectrum, might be less comfortable with the flamboyant aspect of their own grandiosity. Even though in subtler ways, it will keep rearing its head.

The splendid isolation some pwNPD will seek is typically a mean to avoid coming to terms with one's exploitativeness and lack of empathy as, as soon as people are involved, they will point it out to you. Removing people from the equation is a temporary fix to feeling bad/ashamed about/of oneself.

ZombieZ wrote:So then what is the purpose of the grandiose false self image then? To protect an underlying issue of low self confidence?

I'm not sure but I'll get back to this later as it's something I'm interested in.

ZombieZ wrote:So then what is the purpose of the grandiose false self image then? To protect an underlying issue of low self confidence?

I think this has something to do with them wanting to be acknowledged as special, and not just another ordinary person. Entitlement may have a lot to do with this.
pwNPD may have a better answer for this.

So I'll finish this post started earlier.

I find that the biggest myth surrounding NPD is the idea that pwNPD can't take criticism. And that you have to walk on eggshells around them.

This is mostly caused by the fear a disordered person can inspire, but is not in my opinion justified. While it's highly dependent on context and delivery, I do my best at work to be straightforward and frank with people on the narcissistic spectrum, both colleagues and managers, and have being enjoying decent working relationships as a result. They know I care about them but they also know what I won't tolerate. So that they can afford to skip the scanning for my weaknesses chapter and focus on themselves should they want to.

As far as grandiosity goes, I find that the child has 2 conceptual choices, either he is being taught how to regulate his shame and tolerate that acknowledging having done something wrong isn't the end of him, or he is not taught to deal with the consequences of his actions (either because of neglect or the parent's own delusions), and his natural proclivity will be that which of a child, not realizing when he's done something wrong. If he is shamed for having done something wrong without comprehending why, this is when he might turn to grandiosity "since I'm best I can do no wrong", sometimes reinforced by a parent or grand-parent desire for the child to incarnate their own sense of primacy.

There might be other scenarios but that's my conception of grandiosity in an adult: a fugue in the wrong corner of the self due to difficulties processing shame. A reason why to be pointed out a wrongdoing can generate some bragging instead.

ZombieZ wrote:So then what is the purpose of the grandiose false self image then? To protect an underlying issue of low self confidence?

Well basically there is a tremendous hatred towards a non-gratifying mother so there is either, depending on the theorist, an identification with primitive (grandiose) perceptions of the caregiver (-part-object) or simply a self-cathexis. It can also be looked at from the perspective of super-ego development where one can argue for example that the borderlinish good/bad precursors - that later make up personality in much more complicated networks - are used regressively to create a sort of quickfix for an unreachable good-state; so the unattainable goodness is attained by identifying or merging with goodness [or also idealized badness]. This all may originate in abuse, which create chaotic super-ego-imprints in the toddler that can not be made sense of and that could also lead f.e. to classic BPD. While not a "purpose" in itself, it is a side-effect of such a grandiose self-structure then to protect against the chaos of the pure BPD state and also against psychotic developments, both in the child but also in the adult.
Among other things such a view of the pathogenesis explains why narcissists are anti-dependent, why f.e. narcissists dont hover, why its hard to work goal-orientedly, but also why NPD is compared to NPD usually much more stable and has more impulse-control than BPD.

Obviously the theories are more complicated. Kernberg and Masterson have explained their ideas pretty well and Meltzers Claustrum idea is also a helpful addendum to this, altho he never uses the word NPD or BPD.