Do I have NPD?

Hi all,

As you can tell by my username I was previously diagnosed with BPD (By a private psychologist 4 years ago), however a couple of years later i went to a different place (a psychiatric hospital) and the psychiatrist there does not believe i have BPD, however I have not recieved another diagnosis as of yet, because in the last 1-2 years i have been suffering from Depersonalization and that is the issue that is being addressed atm.

I know that i am narcisstic, but i don´t believe i am narcisstic all the time. Furthermore i hate myself for being narcissistic.

1) "Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)"
i do believe that i have some philosophical ideas that could better our society, i can sometimes slightly exagerate my achievements and talents but i dont believe that i am doing it by allot and i certainly dont talk about my achievements unless asked or we are talking about how i have improved my depression and state of mind etc..

2)"Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love"
I do have fantasies but not unlimited success, or power, i do however like to be influential and have a group of followers that share my ideas. I do want to look the best i can for example i contemplate nose-job and height surgery as i am a short male. Sometimes i fantasize of how i would look if i was looking really good. I dont know if i have a fantasy for ideal love, but i do desire it.


3) "Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people" (or institutions)
Yes sometimes i believe i am special or different and that i am misunderstood, and yes i do feel ashamed with being associated with people (for-example) stoners or ugly/akward people as i would feel like people would judge me and think the same of me.

4) "Requires excessive admiration"
This is the part that troubles me because this is exactly what i don´t require, sometimes i dont believe them and I dont care for others admiration and i am pretty cold if someone says something good about me (because i feel like a loser and their words or admiration dont change what i feel internally.)

5) Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
This is true but i only expect so much from people because i believe that i would give the same to them if they asked me for something. Thats why i get upset if someone doesn´t want to do me a favor cause i think that i would have done it for them.

6) Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
To a certain degree, but i can feel guily about it and if i take advantage of them, i dont believe i do it in a negative way. I have asked to borrow money in the past, but i didnt repay them because of my financial problems back then and i feel guilty about it, but did i take advantage of them? I mean in one of the cases one of my friends said that "dont worry about when to pay it back" so if you ask for something is that taking advantage and they give you that kind of anwser? Is that not idiocy by their part? But as i i said i do feel guily about it and soon my financial income is going to improve and i want to pay them back to rid myself off the guilt.

Having said that there has been times where i have had the money to pay them back but i had so little money that i wanted to spend that money on something i wanted rather than to pay them back.

7) Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
I do lack empathy but not on purpose, i dont realize that i am being un-empathetic - But sometimes when i feel people have hurt me, i do try to say hurtful words back.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
This is true i can be envious of others success - rarely do i think others are envious of me though, but it does happen that i can believe that.

9) Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Completely true in my case, but to my defence, i am not always aware of it.

Another thing is when people disregard me or i feel like they have hurt me - for example psychologists - I view them as incompetent, but the truth is i am not the most competent person myself but i judge people all the time.

Apologies for the long post but its been bothering me for a while.
Help would be appreciated.

“I know that i am narcisstic, but i don´t believe i am narcisstic all the time. Furthermore i hate myself for being narcissistic.”

I hate everyone else for not understanding my narcissism better.

Hi ZombieZ,

I think you misunderstood my statement. The feeling i have deep down is that everyone hates me, and that is because i am a bad person (Even though i am not) because i can be narcissistic at times and because i am not perfect and because i am worthless.

I don´t hate everyone else for not understanding my narcissm better, but i do wish that narcissm is not put in such a negative view - After all i was psychologically abused myself as a child.

I wrote this post yesterday because i was emotional, but today i have come to the conclusion that i think (again i am not sure) That i have a mixture of atypical autism (or perhaps some schizoid tendencies, and borderline & narcisstic traits.

I don't believe that i fit the requirement for NPD, if that is what you were trying to say, because that was my original question.
To be honest, i didn't really understand what you were trying to imply, i mean i understood it, but it did not really answer my question.

Thanks for your input anyway.

ZombieZ wrote:“I know that i am narcisstic, but i don´t believe i am narcisstic all the time. Furthermore i hate myself for being narcissistic.”

I hate everyone else for not understanding my narcissism better.

I thought it highlighted the difference between BPD and NPD you internalize the hate towards yourself I externalize it towards everyone else. I was also told I have ASPD by a psychologist at a psych evaluation so maybe that’s part of it too.

It sounds to me like you may have some narcissism issues (may or may not be NPD). Your therapist is probably trying to address the issues that are most difficult and upsetting to you. You said you are both focussing on your dissociation symptoms.. If you find that your narcissism issues are a cause of this then they might be worth addressing at this point, but that may not be the case.

It depends on what is the cause of your narcissism, and whether you have recovered from that. You said you have borderline type issues, eg. a feeling of a lack of value, unlovableness etc. For some people, they mostly get over those issues, but the narcissism remains - this is when it's worth addressing the narcissism. But if you are actively using narcissism as a coping strategy then it may make more sense to address the borderline issues first. For me, before I went to therapy I had already worked through my fear of being unlovable. The narcissism was kind of like a 'remnant' of that - false beliefs I had developed to cope, which stuck around, and I could not remove them without therapy. So first I figured out what caused me to become narcissistic in the first place, came to a level of acceptance of myself as I was (loveable), then later was able to address the narcissism because I didn't need it to cope anymore. I hope that makes sense.

BorderlineMale wrote:I wrote this post yesterday because i was emotional, but today i have come to the conclusion that i think (again i am not sure) That i have a mixture of atypical autism (or perhaps some schizoid tendencies, and borderline & narcisstic traits.

I used to think I was ASD (autistic) as well. Now that I have mostly recovered from my cluster B (BPD, NPD) issues, I've realised that my issues here were not ASD at all. Empathy deficits are a symptom of both ASD and cluster B personality disorders, so it can be easy to think that you might have ASD. But in ASD the empathy deficits are due to a lack of theory of mind, whereas for cluster B personality disorders, the emotional disregulation causes the person to misinterpret a wide variety of social cues, and to react in an inappropriate manner (both internally and externally). So a person who is cluster B has a warped theory of mind, rather than an absent one. Therapists tend to be pretty good at spotting ASD though, and for them they can usually tell the different between an empathy deficit (cluster B) and a lack of theory of mind (ASD). I would tend to defer to what they have to say on this matter.

Welcome to the club. Us Narcissists are happy for who we are. The "disorder" part was created by a bunch of psychiatrists looking for another way to make money off of us, by labeling Narcissism as a disorder.

BadShrimp wrote:Welcome to the club. Us Narcissists are happy for who we are. The "disorder" part was created by a bunch of psychiatrists looking for another way to make money off of us, by labeling Narcissism as a disorder.

NPD is a bit more than just being happy for who you are.