Has anybody here come to accept that they aren't special?

I've come to the realization that I am not special. I am not Superman. I am not a hero. I cannot save humanity. Kindness only gets me so far. Being everyone's savior is only hurting me.

I've accepted the fact that I am human. That selfishness makes me happy. That people are a waste of my time.

I've learned that every moment I spend on my looks and beauty makes me proud.

I would rather focus on my looks and my body than waste my precious time focusing on the ugliness of other people. Being special means everyone looks at me to save them from their pathetic selves. No thanks.

I'd rather just care about the only person that matters to me. And that person is ... me.

Maybe i mistake with language...


For me special doesn't mean that one is better then other.

It means that one has something very very personal and unique.

I don't mind if people don't see me (better most of the times) - provided some people perceive that and maybe resonate with it.


I think it's sad when people try desperately to be like others look like. Better enjoy.


It seems to me. (although it looks a little like an ad for sugared beverage or something )

(I don't fit criterias for NPD)

Philonoe wrote:Maybe i mistake with language...


For me special doesn't mean that one is better then other.

It means that one has something very very personal and unique.

I don't mind if people don't see me (better most of the times) - provided some people perceive that and maybe resonate with it.




I think it's sad when people try desperately to be like others look like. Better enjoy.


It seems to me. (although it looks a little like an ad for sugared beverage or something )

(I don't fit criterias for NPD)

I understand and I agree. Everyone's definitely unique.

NoLongeraGOD wrote:So where do you think that twist comes from? I've always felt entitled to everything I wanted. When I've had it I've felt great and my "I'm a god" feeling was reinforced and when I haven't had it I've felt varying levels of miserable/depressed.

Good question. Is this something you and other pwNPD can't relate to? I'd love to believe I'm not NPD but I think that's wishful thinking.

I know I also have some BPD traits, not sure how strong though. My vulnerable narcissistic traits are predominant. Scored something like 98%ile on the personality trait test for vulnerability.

covertunsure wrote:I believe at my core that I'm special. I know part of it is biological—narcissism is the most heritable personality trait, according to research, and my dad certainly has signs of it.

I also simultaneously believe that I'm unworthy of love, affection, or other people's sexual interest.
So yeah, whatever I have does a seriously crazy-making number on my head...

You remind me of me - I used to rapidly vacillate between 'feeling special' and not 'feeling special'. When I had narcissistic supply I was on top of the world, but as soon as it went away I felt empty, depressed even, and feared that I was inadequate; a pitiable person unworthy of love or affection. I used supply to try and avoid that second feeling state as much as possible.

I really identify with the idea that a narcisist has a 'fractured self' - different personality facets that come out at different times. For me there was the fulfilled, 'lovable self' (when I had supply), the empty, 'pitiable self' (when I didn't have supply) and beneath all that the 'vulnerable inner child' - my true self, which I had built the other personality facets on top of and mixed in with, to protect it.

I'm not sure how heritable NPD is, but I do know the narcissists are made rather than born. I know I have a very emotionally sensitive temperament, but maybe some are not. My understanding is that NPDs tend to be sensitive.

After a year in therapy, I found out last week that while I don't have full-blown NPD, I'm on the spectrum, I have a lot of N typical defence mechanisms, enough in my mind to surrender to the fact that I'm a narc. I approached my therapist with this theory and she was like, "yeah, that's pretty much the case". Well, it would've been nice to know before now!! Anyway, it's been quite a shock, but I've been coming to terms with it over the last week. It's made a lot of things make a lot of sense, which has certainly removed a lot of weight from everyday life. I wouldn't compare it to MDMA, sadly, but there's definitely a trippy lightness to being at the moment. I don't know how long that's going to last. I'm even finding it hard to think of anything in everyday situations now that I'm removing the narc narrative whenever it starts up (all the time). There's not much left!! It's just.... quiet!! Simultaneously there's a sadness. I don't really understand the previous posters who seem to be embracing their NPD. We all know deep-down that we're completely broken and we're deluding ourselves that we're special. I don't know, for me, now having that awareness is so bitter-sweet. I now know that I've got a truck load of work to do to rebuild myself, from ground zero, and eradicate any of the #######4 I've made-up over the years. I refuse to live the rest of my life as deluded as my life has been up to now.