Sex

Contrast wrote:I agree that the practice by itself is threatening and undesirable under those conditions for those who care for their anonymity. Of course. I just don't think that describing it as anything other than threatening is correct. I may have misunderstood but it seemed like you'd said he was going to use those details maliciously when we cant say that without substantiating.

Will found my details almost as soon as I opened my first account several years ago, and did nothing with them in all that time. He did tell me he had them and warned me that my info was vulnerable. I was a little creeped out by his warning and wondered if it was really a hidden threat to dox. I didn't assume that it was, but it did raise the doubt in my mind. I thought Will's behavior in general was suspicious, and still think so.

I didn't assume that his mentioning it (that he had, or used to have, my info) this time was a threat to dox either though, again, it raised the question. It seemed a bizarre thing to say, to appear out of nowhere and say. To come back supposedly from rehab and begin a new account just in order to say. It also appeared to me that he must have made similar comments to Shanzeek about her info... she admitted so herself. Especially when that was apparently done in tandem with dropping a bunch of dark hints about forum members, which she apparently took as a cue to start questioning Quoth, after Will and Quoth had had a spat.

It's hard to see how any of this was "helpful" of Will. It seems profoundly unhelpful to have given voice to these suspicions, speculations, etc. even if no harm was meant.

Shenzi wrote:I believe him to be unstable, what he did to have been selfish and impulsive and while on substances and due to mild narcissistic injury, yes, but I don't think he's a 'bad person' as Perejil suggested.

That's not exactly what I said. I said I couldn't tell whether he was a good or bad person, whether his motives were bad in this case, not that I believed them to be bad. The truth is I don't know, but Will has raised the doubt, I think.

Ronald wrote:Dude, chill. 'steerfield' was extremely hammered and high and borderline-psychotic most of the time. Take things with a bigger grain of salt... Bottom line: I was off my face, and needed to get laid.

Not sure why this is any kind of excuse if, knowing that you were off your face and borderline psychotic, you made the decision to post/email anyway. Why shouldn't you be held responsible for what you wrote?

Ronald wrote: Truth be told, I go a little cray-cray when I use substances and alcohol, but the only salient personality issue that I encounter when sober is slight obsessiveness and social anxiety; and I'm probably more drawn to the mirror than I should be (but am usually mindful of diverting that behaviour, and it's gotten a lot better recently)---I'm no-where near having a PD diagnosis. Lied about my borderline diagnosis after a doctor mentioned she noticed some features when I'd come to her for withdrawal aid. Not that it matters, but 'steerfield' developed a disordered persona that I slipped into as a way of exploring the complete fabric of my potential self; in doing so, much of it was stretched as a means of figuring out how certain traits seem to fit (hence the visible fluctuations in persona and narcissism); weed and alcohol send me part-psychotic, but it's not an unhelpful process.

This makes no sense.

Contrast wrote:Shenzi stop acting like a 13 year old girl.

This. So this. More than anything, this.

Kimera wrote:The highs and lows, the accusations and confessions, betrayals and semi-sincere apologies....I think we should make a ######6 musical out of this thread.

Agreed.

Contrast wrote:...finding out who somebody is in real life needn't be nefarious even if it does feel like a violation. Sometimes it's done out of curiosity. Following the crumbs, putting together the pieces, and getting to know that person further than you could through what they choose to show here can be satisfying.

It's a little creepy, especially when they let the person know they have their info, but I agree having the info itself doesn't necessarily mean they meant to do harm with it.

I'm not that worried about being doxxed, actually. I just wonder why Will keeps letting folks know that he has the power to do it.

Personally, I think Will is a creep, but I wouldn't have banned him.

Contrast wrote:...you're using 'dox' to mean expose publicly we've used it more loosely to mean 'find' on the forum.

This. As I understand it, doxxing is publicly exposing a poster's identity and real life details in order to encourage others to harm them. Simply to have that information is not to dox.

Quoth wrote:

Contrast wrote:It was used initially as an attempt to discredit a pool of members in one swift sweep but lately it's been used as a tool to isolate and play with members that would be the targets of the preying.

Just silly interpersonal games. I don't think he honestly believes a word of it

Ah so it was you I was supposed to be.

I agree with this interpretation. In fact I would go further and say that those he tries to manipulate with this bullsh*t adopt it because it suits their purposes or emotional needs.

Or Dulcet. She is the other forum monster

a quick word about 'daisy chaining', as i call it (i'm an ex-aerospace engineer, so the expression comes from connecting electronic devices in series). when you link together pieces of information about someone on a public forum, you don't have to identify that person yourself. you've thereby created a path for someone else to follow in order for them to do it for you, whether you meant to or not. effectively, it could be viewed as doxxing by proxy.

Show of hands: Who on this thread is compelled by the idea that they would be 'in the wrong' related to this and so would not do it purely on that basis?

My thought process around this relates I think towards what I'd like to know about them and what the consequences are to me which are fairly arbitrary given the nature of an anonymous(wink wink) online forum.

Moving further away from being relevant here by trying to establish what exactly the moral chatter users here will have in their heads when wondering, peeking and following up

Contrast wrote:Show of hands: Who on this thread is compelled by the idea that they would be 'in the wrong' related to this and so would not do it purely on that basis?

I'm going to answer your question as candidly as I can, Courtier. I almost always take the moral high ground in discussions because I feel it's beneath me to do otherwise. Maybe its part of the NPD; other people lower themselves to act in certain ways I never would because I'm above that nonsense. In reality, that's a lot of horsesh*t, and my moral compass is as glitchy as the next guy's.

So while I find the idea that it would be "in the wrong" compelling (so yes, I'll raise my hand to that part), I'm afraid I can't honestly say I'd never do it purely on that basis. Because the other part of the narcissism is that rules only apply to me when I want them to.

That said, I'd have the good sense not to make it known if I were doing it. Which, for the record, I'm not, but now folks are probably wondering.

-- Sat May 12, 2018 6:22 am --

Quoth wrote:I agree with this interpretation. In fact I would go further and say that those he tries to manipulate with this bullsh*t adopt it because it suits their purposes or emotional needs.

This is how I see it, too. Really it was the perfect foil to create some drama, which some posters here thrive on.

That behaviour is weak. Especially somewhere like here where there are no stakes.

A narcissist at work tried doing that with me by taking the moral high ground over shady tactics I'd used to get something done. He made a public spectacle of trying to puff his chest. I got that. He was positioning himself so to gain respect in his profession. Didn't work and backfired, because he misjudged the disposition of our superior, but the intent in my mind made sense.

Why here?

-- Sat May 12, 2018 11:37 am --

It's the difference between a power play and posturing. When there's nothing to gain, isn't that a little pathetic?

it's about superiority and/or control. i'm better than you and/or i've got something over you. or just plain well meaning naivety, which i candidly don't really believe.

Don't project your psychology onto me

-- Sat May 12, 2018 11:43 am --

I've given as much as I've taken, allowing my Facebook and identity to become public. There's no imbalance there so it doesn't apply

Wrong tab. Sorry for disjoined response flow.

In response to that post, ^, that makes sense but I for some reason cant understand why that is attractive with no external gain

-- Sat May 12, 2018 11:55 am --

Contrast wrote:Don't project your psychology onto me

-- Sat May 12, 2018 11:43 am --

I've given as much as I've taken, allowing my Facebook and identity to become public. There's no imbalance there so it doesn't apply

As you can now see, there is more than one moraliser among the people reading this. Can we bring it to the thread now, miss?

Contrast wrote:Wrong tab. Sorry for disjoined response flow.

I lost the plot a while ago, Courtier. Literally and figuratively, I think.

Contrast wrote:A narcissist at work tried doing that with me by taking the moral high ground over shady tactics I'd used to get something done. He made a public spectacle of trying to puff his chest. I got that. He was positioning himself so to gain respect in his profession. Didn't work and backfired, because he misjudged the disposition of our superior, but the intent in my mind made sense.

An obvious Achilles heel for narcs, rushing in like that without considering all sides.

Contrast wrote:It's the difference between a power play and posturing. When there's nothing to gain, isn't that a little pathetic?

It's not always about what's to be gained; sometimes it's about avoiding loss. Everyone postures to some degree, NPD or not. My earlier response to you was candid because there is no reason not to be here. In real life, I'm more cautious about exposing my position, which I think is true of most people in the corporate world. Perception management is important.