Avoidant who is Attracted to Narcissists

NathanR wrote:I thought the answer to that might be obvious.

Shopping?

NathanR wrote:

Akuma wrote:@OP If you have AVPD then what are you doing here? The AVPD forum is over there *pointpoint*
Also hello Kimera, I hope you are better!

I thought the answer to that might be obvious.

Nope, no clue.

Kimera wrote:

NathanR wrote:I thought the answer to that might be obvious.

Shopping?

Put bluntly, but that's a likely possibility. It's not the entire motivation for my being here, though.

I thought I'd get better insight from NPDs than any AVPDs. They might understand, but I figured it would be better understood by someone here.

I'm not here to harm or offend anyone, either way.

I'm not offended. And the way you described the attraction, I can understand it. The type of personality you describe fills a hole inside of you --tragic, because it's only temporary. But the pain it causes feels better than the emptiness.

That's an accurate description, yes. The need to be near it is obviously harmful. I'm aware of the harm it causes me.

But it's difficult to deny it or dissuade it, as much as I wish I could. There were times I endured a lot simply because it felt so bittersweet. It's almost like self-abuse. It hurts, but feels terrific, too.

Well, we usually get a lot of haters around here. So a groupie is a nice change of pace.

Happy shopping.

"Hating" doesn't help anybody.

Narcissists may have a personality disorder, but they're still human. Their feelings might reflect only on themselves, but they do still have feelings.

Yes, I've been hurt by NPDs before. Sure, I've felt the passionate anger, but I never hated them. And I never will. I especially wouldn't hate complete strangers for sharing their traits (not only because of my intimate fascination). It'd be a little unfair. I would just be a hypocrite.

Thanks for taking time to chat with me. I was nervous entering this discussion, but it helps to have someone listen. I'm sure you're aware of that.

I agree with all kimera's posts. If they weren't diagnosed how do you know that what you are attracted to is narcissistic for sure. And not another pd for example. Is it only narcissists or other pds can do too?

julllia wrote:I agree with all kimera's posts. If they weren't diagnosed how do you know that what you are attracted to is narcissistic for sure. And not another pd for example. Is it only narcissists or other pds can do too?

I don't know for "sure", exactly. I'm not 100% certain that they had NPD. But I don't really seem to get the same effect with other PDs. All I know is that the traits commonly found in narcissists are the ones I feel attractions to. I'm not proposing that I'm an expert. I'm definitely not. But I'm not a fool, either.

My conclusions are my own, and I've also mentioned it to my therapist in the past. It's only based on research alone and discussions with my therapist. Again, it's not like I consider this a shameful aspect of my life. I'm all right with it. I was just curious about it, and wanted to see if this was a phenomenon shared by anyone else.

I also get a sense of attraction just reading about the traits and diagnostic criteria, separate from any personal interaction. That's quite telling to me.

NathanR wrote:I'm all right with it. I was just curious about it, and wanted to see if this was a phenomenon shared by anyone else.

In histrionics and borderline histrionics it is often a counter-phobic thign to be attracted to the strong, dangerous man. There its usually very largely dependent on stereotypical gender images, though. A normal attraction could also simply imply that you are not ok with these aspects for some reason so you need to project them / seek them outside of yourself. Since narcissists arent typically abusive for example you jumping to that abusiveness as a normal thing looked to me immediately like it was you who wants to be abusive towards others, so you turn this around and abuse yourself instead.