Hi,
I was wondering if any other daughter of a narc mom experiences this exact same thing.
For as long as I can remember, my mother has been using a specific game to upset me to the point of a total mental meltdown. These “crashes” happened many times, and every time, once again, I thought “oh well,, don’t take it too hard, this time is will be different.” It obviously played out the same way again: us arguing, she insulting me, me going haywire and losing it completely. It usually took me a few days to recover from an incident like this, sometimes I called in sick.
It’s only during the past few years that I started to understand the reasons behind this game, since I figured her out as being extremely narcissistic.
It all goes like this.
Our relationship functions in phases (or used to function, since I broke almost all contact with her). First she contacts me being very nice and extremely interested in my life (usually she doesn’t give a sh#t about my life). Then she suggests a meet-up or says she will join me for an event that is important to me, like a dance show I participated in, or my birthday. Or she invites me over and tells me she would cook for me. She is the nicest, most normal mom you can imagine. She talks in detail about the upcoming meeting or event. What she will wear, what she will cook, what she will buy. Of course I’m happy that finally my mom is part of my life!
Then she cancels the event, sometimes even on the same day. She uses some lame excuse like a mild medical issue like a cold or she even has the guts to tell me that she can’t leave the house because she is waiting for the mailman and therefore can’t meet me for my birthday.
I go insane, fall into a rage, can’t understand what’s going on, feel hurt, discarded like a piece of garbage. She yells and me, calls me ungrateful and what not. Then we go silent for months, until she contacts me again like nothing ever happened.
This game repeated over and over again. Somehow she always managed to trap me once more and play me all over again. It’s only during recent past that I simply ignore her invitations and false suggestions. Now she became almost silent, like I don’t exist.
Anyone else experiencing this? How do you deal with it? How can I ever fully accept that my mom hates me and my only existence is to be used a toy for her sadistic moves?