Am i becoming unaware again?

Got supply somehow, dont know what, maybe my anxiety made me manic but now after months of being aware i feel like i am becoming unaware. I cannot see how i am a narcissist. I am literally weeks away from getting therapy and this happens. Is it just mania doing this? How do i remember the reality of whats wrong with me? Should i not even care if im narcissistic or not? I'm not abusive to my friends anymore or anyone else so is it even an issue if i am or am not? I also have Pure o ocd so was it just that the entire time?

How do i remember the reality of whats wrong with me?

You say you have mania, anxiety and OCD. So you do remember, you just dont want to. Youre probably getting cold feet now that therapy draws nearer and your mind is starting to look for reasons not to attend.

We're more self aware when our mood is low. A high mood brings our defences up to full strength.

It could be just nerves before starting therapy, it is a pretty big thing when you first start.

I don't know if it's any help or not, and from the date of your post you've probably started it by now, but anyway, my suggestion is really try not to dwell on whether it's one thing or another, all of this is only an issue if you actually feel as though you are in some difficulty or that you don't feel comfortable with yourself emotionally etc.

Surely that's the thing to concentrate on, if you don't feel you're functioning on any level as well as you could be.

I mean, there does seem to be some confusion in what you say and what you're experiencing right now soI think what you said in your original post is plenty to take into your first session, and just treat it as 'you time', talk about how you feel, no matter how little sense it makes, just let it come out and worry about labels later. A good therapists job is to draw your attention to the emotional content of what you're saying, and thats where the growing can start.

Well that's what I learned from therapy anyway, and look at me now, I'm nuts, so ,, y'know....every cloud an' all that.