"Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very...

Thanks for the replies. It's very interesting to read the mind of a NPD. It helps!

Ubinix800 wrote:

MeAgain wrote:I know the feeling exactly. I stopped trying to analyse the reason for it along time ago. It varys depending on who's company I'm in. I guessing it's a hangover from childhood survival behaviour. Fight or flight and all that stuff.

Personally it feels like there's a glass wall between me and others. Then again, this feeling also seems very reminiscent on something called complex-ptsd, which you can read about online, so I wonder if there's a link between that and CNPD. Even when I was very young I still felt distant and alone around others, and I always thought it was totally normal; that others felt the same way too...

Good posts on this thread.

Trauma can certainly cause someone to feel alone. I know because of personal experience. I don't have a PD but have suffered major depression and anxiety as a result of early life experiences and have felt alone or disconnected, while with others, at times (not always). There are a lot of reasons someone could experience that feeling and that feeling can border on dissociation. I'd guess you'd have to ask yourself some questions, about your own feelings, to get to the bottom of it. For instance:

Do you find others to be a bore because you feel superior or, maybe, because you just don't share interests with those you find yourself in social settings with?

Do you have feelings of inadequacy (may or may not also involve envy)?

I noticed you have body dysmorphic disorder (dunno what the delusional kind means) which must indicate you're disconnected from yourself so that seems it could cause a problem connecting with others. Do you know if that's common with that?

You said you often feel this way. That means sometimes you don't. Can you identify what's different at the times that you don't?

Perhaps one thing that can be illuminating is to observe how feelings of social-connectedness vary with symptoms of depression and anxiety... I feel that for me, I become more disconnected/aloof as I am less depressed and anxious. I imagine this may be common for individuals with grandiosity, callousness, and other traits that typify NPD and/or ASPD. Depression and vulnerability can serve as motivation to appease or connect with others, although our natural state may dictate manipulation or subjugation.

psyguy wrote:Perhaps one thing that can be illuminating is to observe how feelings of social-connectedness vary with symptoms of depression and anxiety... I feel that for me, I become more disconnected/aloof as I am less depressed and anxious. I imagine this may be common for individuals with grandiosity, callousness, and other traits that typify NPD and/or ASPD. Depression and vulnerability can serve as motivation to appease or connect with others, although our natural state may dictate manipulation or subjugation.

Interesting post because it illustrates how such feelings can differ depending upon the mental state of the person. Feelings of disconnect happen just the opposite for me. The worse the anxiety and depression, the more I isolate which, naturally, causes being disconnected. The better I feel the more social and connected.

Where is the OP? I swear this is the world's slowest forum.

Well thanks for the replies.

I think if you just had this single symptom in itself, you could consider it to be trauma related, but when you scored in the 'high' range in covert narcissism, and, along with that, you have this symptom at the same time, it would make sense that this is in someway related to the core of covert/hypersensitive narcissism, if you get me.

It feels like mild and constant derealization, which is of course a form of dissociation (although it has other causes), so I can see how this can be trauma related like others have said here.

Another related thing to mention is that, people around have noticed (the ones that aren't too polite to say anything) that I have this distant/self-absorbed look in my eyes constantly. So then, if I was in a group of friends, or at a family gathering, and I stared at the floor when I was in the middle of that group, it would likely look like I was mentally elsewhere and it's also probably quite noticeable in a small room, which just makes me even more self-conscious. I hate to have the thought that people may be, somehow, be catching onto the fact that I have covert narcissism, if they already know about it and know the symptoms :S

Not to derail the thread but, this disorder, in general, regardless of the underlying cause is really crap to live with. It's supposed to exists to mask some defect in the persons ego, and a total lack of self-worth and a deep sense of shame. This would explain that when I have nothing to compensate for or base my vulnerable self-esteem off, I feel a wave of shame from head to toe; see: "A marked propensity to feeling ashamed". Regardless of what anyone here says, covert narcissism is real, it's not a myth made up on the internet, and despite how crap it is to live with: feeling humiliated, slighted and enraged at every turn over some mild disrespect, I don't know what I would do without it, it is there for a reason.

I want to say, Psyguy, I loved your response on this thread. It was so nice to read something that basically stated what I experience and also the reasons behind it. So well written!

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I don't feel uneasy around people because I'm relatively extroverted and think I'm better than most people. I'll only feel uneasy if I feel threatened by another girl's appearance or if I think a friend is better than me in some way which is rare. Being threatened by the appearances of other women is a lot more common for me... I lose my mind. It's funny, I don't really care what guys think about me nearly as much as girls and I am straight.
As for feeling alone, yes, yes, one hundred times yes. I always feel alone even when I'm with my family or my significant other. I think it's because I don't really feel empathy.

-- Thu Apr 05, 2018 9:12 am --

psyguy wrote:

ddxy wrote:I feel my best in a group of one('me time'), two and three , I mean it gives me a power of control and I am my socially best , humorous . Exceed the number by one from max and I do into a state of being lost , silent mode. I don't like divided attention in these scenarios.

Yeah, I can definitely commiserate with this. After there's greater than around three people I kind of fail to "see the point" of having any such social activity and things just feel miserable, annoying, or pointlessly boring.

Also, all of this. Yes!!! When I'm around too many people I get frustrated unless I'm still getting a lot of attention/respect from people, in which case I'll feel elated.