Other PD and NPD Relationship support

MOD COMMENT:

This is a NPD support forum. Anyone who posts here other than NPD forum members are guests. We welcome those who want to contribute and post in order to further understanding. But posts that are intended to challenge, inflame or create unnecessary drama will not be tolerated.

All posters who come into this forum will treat these members with courtesy and respect. The same is to be expected if NPD forum members post in the BPD forum. I am not concerned whether that has been the case in the past, it is that way now. You would not want people to arrive in BPD forum and create harm. The same rules apply in NPD forum.

Threads regarding NPD/BPD relationships are highly charged. If you can post without all of the unnecessary attacks, than so be it. If you can not, then stay out of this topic.

And if you want to explore your "fetishes" this is not the place for it. We have closed the paraphilia forum. But I am sure there are other forums to explore this type of thinking. Not here.

Thank you for your consideration

mark1958 wrote:MOD COMMENT:

This is a NPD support forum. Anyone who posts here other than NPD forum members are guests. We welcome those who want to contribute and post in order to further understanding. But posts that are intended to challenge, inflame or create unnecessary drama will not be tolerated.

All posters who come into this forum will treat these members with courtesy and respect. The same is to be expected if NPD forum members post in the BPD forum. I am not concerned whether that has been the case in the past, it is that way now. You would not want people to arrive in BPD forum and create harm. The same rules apply in NPD forum.

Threads regarding NPD/BPD relationships are highly charged. If you can post without all of the unnecessary attacks, than so be it. If you can not, then stay out of this topic.

And if you want to explore your "fetishes" this is not the place for it. We have closed the paraphilia forum. But I am sure there are other forums to explore this type of thinking. Not here.

Thank you for your consideration

Mark, my man, why are you c#ckblocking me?

Lol Sorry for the buzzkill MId. But it is housekeeping's day off, no one to clean up after.

That said, I did not lock the thread. Just making sure we understand each other. Carry on.

mark1958 wrote:MOD COMMENT:

This is a NPD support forum. Anyone who posts here other than NPD forum members are guests. We welcome those who want to contribute and post in order to further understanding. But posts that are intended to challenge, inflame or create unnecessary drama will not be tolerated.

All posters who come into this forum will treat these members with courtesy and respect. The same is to be expected if NPD forum members post in the BPD forum. I am not concerned whether that has been the case in the past, it is that way now. You would not want people to arrive in BPD forum and create harm. The same rules apply in NPD forum.

Threads regarding NPD/BPD relationships are highly charged. If you can post without all of the unnecessary attacks, than so be it. If you can not, then stay out of this topic.

And if you want to explore your "fetishes" this is not the place for it. We have closed the paraphilia forum. But I am sure there are other forums to explore this type of thinking. Not here.

Thank you for your consideration

I respect that you feel that this forum isn't the place for "fetishes" or talk of sexuality of which fetish is a part and as such will refrain from commenting, however I will say this and it just maybe me... but I feel that my BPD is directly connected to my interest in being a masochistic submissive as was my ex's NPD was with his sadistic dominance. We may just be anomalies in the broader scheme of things, but my suspician is that that is not the case.... it seems to me that the NPD/BPD relationship by it's very nature is infused with a D/s dynamic inherent whether consciously or not. So in my opinion, BDSM is intricately entwined with my BPD.... so how can I discuss my BPD without touching upon this aspect of myself? Furthermore, my sexuality and expression of such is an important part of who I am, and of how my BPD is manifest in a disfunctional way.... I am sure that may also be the case for some pwNPD as well.

So are you therefore stating that discussions around NPD or BPD and NPD/BPD relationships must exclude those elements that touch upon it's sexuality? Is this forum truly that prudish? And what are you so afraid of if the conversation should include that? As long as the discussion is done respectfully with analytical selfawareness and open discussion, I don't honestly see what the problem is.... We are adults after all and especially when it IS a significant part ( at least for me) of my mental health challenges and intricately entwined with it. You basically wish us to discuss everything except the massive pink elephant in the room.... how mentally healthy is that?

Just my overinflated 2 cents worth on that topic....

Biggirlscry wrote:

mark1958 wrote:MOD COMMENT:

This is a NPD support forum. Anyone who posts here other than NPD forum members are guests. We welcome those who want to contribute and post in order to further understanding. But posts that are intended to challenge, inflame or create unnecessary drama will not be tolerated.

All posters who come into this forum will treat these members with courtesy and respect. The same is to be expected if NPD forum members post in the BPD forum. I am not concerned whether that has been the case in the past, it is that way now. You would not want people to arrive in BPD forum and create harm. The same rules apply in NPD forum.

Threads regarding NPD/BPD relationships are highly charged. If you can post without all of the unnecessary attacks, than so be it. If you can not, then stay out of this topic.

And if you want to explore your "fetishes" this is not the place for it. We have closed the paraphilia forum. But I am sure there are other forums to explore this type of thinking. Not here.

Thank you for your consideration

Is this forum truly that prudish?

Don't worry. You will come to realize that this is more of a place to keep narcissistic individuals in chains rather than giving them their freedom to express themselves. Any form of hostility is met with warnings

I agree with Biggirlscry however. There seems to be a very interesting dynamic between narcissism and borderline that often results in a sadomasochistic relationship. The narcissist is determined and hungering for control and most narcissists also like to see others suffer. It is a sign of their power over someone else. The borderline wants to suffer, to re-experience their traumas in order to cope with them at a disordered level. The narcissist supplies this, and in turn, the borderline constantly keeps the narcissist on his feet. Narcissists like myself love spontanity, and borderlines is an extreme mix of that. Something primal. It's like taiming them is ephemeral.

I perused the old paraphilia forum. It seems maybe they got in some trouble because of the bad behavior of a few? Maybe it comes from really high up (I don’t know how high it goes up on a web forum) and even if mark doesn’t neccessarily agree with it, he still has to be like, noooooo. Is it just that we can’t go in to any specifics? Or no mention at all?

Midwinter wrote:The borderline wants to suffer, to re-experience their traumas in order to cope with them at a disordered level. The narcissist supplies this, and in turn, the borderline constantly keeps the narcissist on his feet. Narcissists like myself love spontanity, and borderlines is an extreme mix of that. Something primal. It's like taiming them is ephemeral.

But, wouldn’t this dynamic be unhealthy?^^ It’s simply enabling the disordered thinking of one another. I do believe that BDSM can be a form of trauma re-enactment like you said, not for everyone, but speaking for myself, it is. There is some unconscious desire to have a sense of power over the helplessness. BDSM is perfect for that, because when played properly, there are rules, guidelines, limits, mutual respect, and consent. It’s the idea of, they can do this to me, but I am the one allowing it and can stop it. The D or M is the dominant decision maker but the S has plenty of control, one might even argue, more control over the dynamic.

I think for me, with BPD, I am always seeking control. Control over who can leave me, of my abandonment issues, of how someone acts, etc. So even with the BPD/NPD love affair, I’m attempting to take control over a familiar situation, where I am helpless, they have the power in the relationship, and attempting to force something that just won’t ever be compatible. Because I am certain that, if I can make this emotionally distant person more available, I can make this avoidant person NEED me, if I can make them love me as much as they seemingly love themselves, then everything in the past is set right, because it wasn’t me after all.

So with NPD, can you identify a similar trend? Of trying to master something that maybe you could not have in the past? Maybe a lack of power or control over your situation when you were younger? That makes you want to seize those things now. Or a lack of validation or acknowledgment?

Hebi wrote:I perused the old paraphilia forum. It seems maybe they got in some trouble because of the bad behavior of a few? Maybe it comes from really high up (I don’t know how high it goes up on a web forum) and even if mark doesn’t neccessarily agree with it, he still has to be like, noooooo. Is it just that we can’t go in to any specifics? Or no mention at all?

This is pretty much the case. The decision was reached by the forum operators to move away from that type of dialogue for a variety of reasons. It just was not leading to anything positive. Therefore all Mods, have a zero tolerance policy on that type of discussion. Paraphilia type posters are usually removed immediately from these forums.

However, my comment was simply to caution everyone about going too far into that direction. It was simply a pre-emptive warning to be careful. Frank sexual discussion have always been a part of all of our forums. We just need to be careful about going too far into specifics.

Saying I have unusual sexual appetites, whether relating to a particular disorder, or for some other reason is fine. Saying you like to be submissive in sexual "gaming" is ok as well. Saying I like to be physically hurt or degraded in some way and then describing the particulars, is not.

I think everyone gets the snapshot.

Hebi wrote:So with NPD, can you identify a similar trend? Of trying to master something that maybe you could not have in the past? Maybe a lack of power or control over your situation when you were younger? That makes you want to seize those things now. Or a lack of validation or acknowledgment?

This is literally the crux of NPD. The need for control. Why? Because the pwNPD needs to be in control of their own world, in order to validate the false persona they have created.

I literally want to control every aspect of my life, from how other people see me, to what they wear, who they are seeing. I think that need for control stems from wanting to be in control of previous trauma. Someone like myself that has been emotionally neglected all through childhood has felt constantly helpless and out of control. This has lead to a constant need to control everything.

So yes, I experience it in all areas that involve life, and that also includes a sadistic dominating/controlling streak in terms of sex.

I think the control bit is a really big part of NPD. It is why the BPD/NPD dynamic is so common. The BPD wants to be controlled in order to process the trauma in a controlled way, and the narcissist wants to control the BPD in order to experience like they have control over their trauma. But yes, it is truly unhealthy. But I doubt that people like myself are interested in mentally stable individuals. It is said that pwNPD and pwASPD are extremely good at picking out people that is unstable, simple by the subtle signs they express in body, eyes and behaviour... Which is also why BPD/NPD often end up together.

I also grew up... neglected. Maybe we aren’t all so different after all. Maybe it’s the general predisposition of our individual chemistry and makeup that determines which psychological defense mechanisms we take on in order to deal with our early attachment issues? Although I’ve heard pwPDs claim to have never experienced any neglect or trauma, which kind of contradicts my theory.

Midwinter wrote:But I doubt that people like myself are interested in mentally stable individuals. It is said that pwNPD and pwASPD are extremely good at picking out people that is unstable, simple by the subtle signs they express in body, eyes and behaviour... Which is also why BPD/NPD often end up together.

Which is also why there are certain people, like myself, that have been continuously “revictimized” in adulthood. I disagree on all pwBPD wanting to be controlled however. I’m incredibly controlling. I still enjoy a certain dynamic when it comes to my relationship, and I enjoy playing the sweet and stupid game with people who don’t know me well, but generally even when I am seemingly relinquishing control to another, it is for my own manipulative reason or my own anticipated end game.

Midwinter wrote:
I literally want to control every aspect of my life, from how other people see me, to what they wear, who they are seeing. I think that need for control stems from wanting to be in control of previous trauma. Someone like myself that has been emotionally neglected all through childhood has felt constantly helpless and out of control. This has lead to a constant need to control everything.

Interesting.... I don't want to control every aspect of my life but am forced to. Because I have been abandoned and left and have no help nor support, I have been forced to be resilient and to take care of everything in my world. ie. job, single parent, housework, medical care..... EVERYTHING FALLS ON ME AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!

I hate having all the responsibility which is why I enjoy being submissive so much.... having someone else take control for once means that I can take a break.... that I can BREATHE!!!! Also I like the feeling of taking care of my man, pleasing him, supporting him..... I know it sounds archaic and corny but I enjoy the D/s dynamic that allows for that power and care exchange.... it works for me.

Midwinter wrote:I think the control bit is a really big part of NPD. It is why the BPD/NPD dynamic is so common. The BPD wants to be controlled in order to process the trauma in a controlled way, and the narcissist wants to control the BPD in order to experience like they have control over their trauma. But yes, it is truly unhealthy. But I doubt that people like myself are interested in mentally stable individuals. It is said that pwNPD and pwASPD are extremely good at picking out people that is unstable, simple by the subtle signs they express in body, eyes and behaviour... Which is also why BPD/NPD often end up together.

Yes the BPD/NPD relationship is toxic but I feel that any relationship that a pwPD engages in is dysfunctional so you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. At least with the BPD/NPD relationship, there is a chemistry and complimentary relationship.... it IS toxic but in a way that fits and strangely works. Not to mention, the addictive and explosive quality of the sexual attraction is like heroin.... the best drug in the world. Keep your cocaine, give me a boyfriend with NPD.

-- Fri Dec 08, 2017 7:02 pm --

mark1958 wrote:
Saying I have unusual sexual appetites, whether relating to a particular disorder, or for some other reason is fine. Saying you like to be submissive in sexual "gaming" is ok as well. Saying I like to be physically hurt or degraded in some way and then describing the particulars, is not.

I think everyone gets the snapshot.

Fair enough, I will restrain myself from gratuitous sexual descriptors and leave the Fetish Erotica for AFF or Fetlife. But I am grateful that there is an allowance to discuss how one's PD informs one's sexuality or vice versa because I believe that it is very relevant.