Other PD and NPD Relationship support

Hebi wrote:That’s one of the ways I justify it actually.... because I’ve been nosy in the past and found things that exes did. But my bf knows about it, and agreed to it... and he’s literally never brought it up out of anger or anything. He’s completely ok with it, unless he’s really good at hiding it.

I don’t know. I kind feel like you have to go with your gut sometimes. If someone has made themselves untrustworthy, then they can’t be mad when someone breaks their own trust to prove it

Hebi wrote:

sorrynotsorry wrote: I made a post about it in the BPD forum. When I date a vanilla non narc, I get bored quickly and I miss the weird aspects of my relationship with my N. Like the fact we use the locators on our phone and he uses words like soul mate.

Hey, sorry not sorry, where’s that post at that you posted in BPD forum? I like to track my bf too

Biggirlscry wrote:Very very eerie... it is as if you are describing my last relationship with my NPD ex-bf. I believe that most pwNPD are not self-aware nor particularly interested in being so. And particularly in the current climate with Donald Trump, identifying as a Narcissist I suspect would be difficult, however the NPD forum members here would be better suited to elaborating on the degree of self-awareness most pwNPD might have or want to have. So your bf I suspect is not unusual in that regard. But his self-awareness although it would be beneficial, is not as important as yours. I found it helpful to understand the dynamic and the behaviours. It also helped to assure me that he would be back, which he was 9 months later as yours will be too. My ex also told me from the start that we are soulmates and we have had very very similar experiences, and are both equally adventurous and experienced sexually.

And incidentally I agree whole heartedly about choosing my NPD ex-bf anyday over my ex-husband. Nons bore me to tears, not to mention they all want to fawn over me and chase me and that puts me right off. My NPD ex did that at first too.... and I was not all that interested in him for the first two months although we were dating, but I was also seeing several other men at the time. It wasn't until I raged at him the first time and he rose up and dominated the hell out of me that I took notice..... FINALLY!! This is what I was waiting for from him. Mind you the sex was fantastic from the start even at the beginning because he was very sadistic and dominant in bed.... but it took 2 months before he fully dominated me outside of that. I am an uncommonly attractive woman for my age ( I look 35 despite my 49 years) with a very retro pinup starlet look about me and a figure of the same era consequently I get an excessive amount of male attention. So much so that I take male interest for granted and most men bore me.... there has to be something more, and more importantly they have to be dominant enough to handle me and to put me in my place. If I can walk all over them, I just walk away.

So yes, he understood me and what I needed in a way alot of non-males do not and I understood and loved him inspite of all his lies and manipulations, because I know him, I see him and I see the wounded little boy inside him..... I understood the facade he wears and it matters not to me now although at one time I was flummoxed by it all..... now I would be willing to accept even his lies and cheating the same way he came back to me and accepted my destructive behaviours. I have also been discarded for the moment.... but only for the moment because he can't stay away from me, and he will be back as surely as the sun rises in the morning, this I know beyond a doubt. Push - pull, attraction - repulsion, it is all just a matter of time.

sorrynotsorry wrote:We have a lot of similarities. I turned to the lifestyle because of the fawning and eagerness of men. I’m quite attractive, more in a flippant sort of way, I don’t put much effort into it other than yoga five times a week to make my body really fit. I also got my boobs done. I see my appearance as one of my only sources of power but I do not find myself attracted to men who are too obviously disarmed by it, if that makes any sense.

I’m concerned about my relationship with the N mostly because I have children. Two sons. I know that it’s unhealthy and that it’s effect on me is unhealthy. It’s not to say I don’t have an unhealthy reaction after every failed affair, I do, but with the N it’s pretty jarring to my life. So I’d like the willpower to end it, but again I’m left with that whole how do I date a non narc vanilla guy problem. And my predicament persists in that I don’t want to be alone, but I also don’t want to destroy some unsuspecting co-dependent, and I don’t want to be destroyed by the N, or the others like him that aren’t as severe. Every man I seem to date has narcissistic tendencies but only he is an actual N. It’s so exhausting going in circles like this.

Mumatthebeach wrote:Hi Akuma, thanks for your feedback. The messy bit is that I was convinced he was scary and the borderline bit was borderline pyschosis - I thought there was a demon living in him. Oh well, you lose some and you lose some.