Who am I?

julllia wrote:But what do they mean when they say narcissists have identity but borderlines don't? If they both don't really have identity, does it mean that narcissists have a grandiose self also?while borderlines are chameleons ? What is the difference?

I am having problems understanding identity lol.
We are not our jobs, are we the things we like?

-- Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:08 pm --

I read that quote
"Our identity should not come from what others think of us. It should come from within. "
So does it mean what you are when others don't exist?not
In dependence of others

No. This isn't related to PDs.

Identity is what you express socially. What you IDENTIFY with. Your identity is formed by what you wear, how you speak, what you do. Identity is like a trademark or fingerprint so that others can pinpoint you.

But the whole idea that there is a ME/YOU is wrong. The personality is nothing more than a calculated cognitive thought process based on the sum of all the experiences that you've experienced in your life. The personality is like the psyches scar tissue. You are nothing more than a thought stream that defines itself as being, although there is not something that is YOU. You are simply a stream of thoughts ever changing to the current moment. There is no static you. The ego is false.

The thing that you think you are, is nothing but the thought process of the now, trying to make sense of itself. It is a hard concept to phantom, and not something that is easily explained, but once you realize it, you know you understand it. It took me a lot of reading into buddism, but it eventually hit me.

I've been thinking about it and to strip away the self, the ego, the personality so that all thought and ideas of identity are gone is a tough one. But when it's done I guess we can live a free life and in an existential way truefully. We no longer will need to mirror identities that we come across because we wont need one to exisit so therefore making clearer connections.

Midwinter wrote:But the whole idea that there is a ME/YOU is wrong. The personality is nothing more than a calculated cognitive thought process based on the sum of all the experiences that you've experienced in your life. The personality is like the psyches scar tissue. You are nothing more than a thought stream that defines itself as being, although there is not something that is YOU. You are simply a stream of thoughts ever changing to the current moment. There is no static you. The ego is false.

The thing that you think you are, is nothing but the thought process of the now, trying to make sense of itself. It is a hard concept to phantom, and not something that is easily explained, but once you realize it, you know you understand it. It took me a lot of reading into buddism, but it eventually hit me.

Then in conclusion, there is no such thing as free will or a soul. We're just the result of complex thought patterns, which in turn are nothing but chemical processes. Neurons firing, because they must.

It makes perfect sense, but it goes against anything that makes people human. What are the chances of the insane having a better idea about life than everyone else?

covertunsure wrote:Ahh, yes, I ask myself who I am every single day. My identity is such a morass of contradictions, hypocrisy, confusion, and ambiguity, it's just ######6 painful. I don't know who I am, what I want, or what my "real" personality is, especially in relation to strangers and people I want to get to know (I'm the ultimate chameleon).

I identify completely with this. Even now, in my 40s, I feel like the Invisible Man - undo the wrappings and there's nothing there. My character/behaviour will change depending on who I'm with. I can't decide if I'm religious or not. I could be researching Wicca one week and the next I'm scoffing at it.

Politically I'm attracted to extremes but I can see the merit in almost any political viewpoint and thus am unable to say whether I'm this or that when it comes to allegiances. Objectively I'm working class but my narcissism wants me to be upper middle class and there's a constant conflict over that.

I feel as if I have very few original thoughts of my own and need to read other viewpoints before I can formulate my own to put forward. My opinions can change faster than the weather.

Ultimately I want to be able to say, "This is who I am, this is what I believe, this is what I stand for." One day I'll think I've 'got it', and the next day I'll wonder what the hell was I thinking. It's never ending. I wish I could be like a Zen monk and just 'be' with no thoughts of what I am, focusing always on the present moment instead of occupying my thoughts with identity. Easier said than done.

Anyone ever played Soma? It had me questioning my existence for weeks afterwards lol

Hebi wrote:Anyone ever played Soma? It had me questioning my existence for weeks afterwards lol

I had someone recommend this to me. Based on this person's description I think I'll adore it lol (he said it resembles more a book, or a film, just interactive), I just can't seem to find enough time to devote to it. Is it really that good? What did you like/felt strongly about (it)? How much time does it take to finish it? Is some kind of pre-video games experience required to play it? Last time I played anything worth mentioning was ages ago..

Shanzeek it is amazing. I used to game a lot, not so much anymore, i definitely understand how time consuming it can be and if you’re anything like me, I get so sucked in a binge for hours at a time with a new game. It is very much like an interactive story. There’s no actual combat, when you do encounter enemies, you either strategize your way around them or run like hell. A lot of it is exploring and problem solving.

I can’t remmber how much time it really took... probably took me about a week, playing an hour or two at a time? I love the horror aspect of the game, it’s really creepy to play. What I love more than anything is the psychological aspect to it. It had me questioning what consciousness really means lol There are plenty of sort of disturbing encounters that just make you think about a lot. When it was over, I swear I fell into a depression for a week because my mind had been blown so badly lol

If you don’t really feel like committing to playing it, there are entire gameplay videos on YouTube. It’s probably one game I could watch a play through of.

-- Sat Dec 16, 2017 6:47 pm --

So, I don’t have NPD, but I’ve struggled with identity issues with my BPD as well. I tend to change myself to mimic others around me and what I feel they would want me to be.

It might not be the most correct approach, but I got sick of constantly changing and not knowing who I was. So I literally went on Pinterest, and I have a ton of different private boards, of things I have decided are what will define “me.” I try not to dwell on if this is my “authentic” self or not, but it is what I enjoy now, and I don’t feel influenced by others in my life. I have a board for style, a board for things I know I like, things I want to try, places I’m interested in, role models I’ve decided to “look up to.” It might change again, but right now it makes me feel like I have something that’s my own, that I decided on on my own.

Pleasepleaseme wrote:I am experiencing what I believe to be an identity crises. I'm not sure what label to put on it other than narcisitic traits. I definately show a false self to others and get into relationships with girls I'm not 100% attracted to only to fuel my need for admiration. I don't think i match all the criteria. I do care about the feelings of others but usually only when I have hurt someone. I want to make a change in my life so that I can stop this cycle and become a real person who isn't afraid to be really vulnerable. I put on a mask of vulnerability so that the person i'm with can believe that i'm real.

I didn't read what others advise you. Bug I would tell you that. People in reality admire not that you real vulnerable. They Love strong people with treats they dont have. 1) strong-selfconfidence 2) smart (read books) 3) nice nit dressed 4) self-respect 5) typical women love somebody who can speak and little listen. not too many people can lead an in interesting converssation.
People only on words appreciate VULNERABLE MAN.
Think easy way. Why do majority of people love 007? is he Vulnerable ?
He has confidence , knowledge , smart, dressed nice, self-respect.
Copy it

msPerfect wrote:I didn't read what others advise you. Bug I would tell you that. People in reality admire not that you real vulnerable. They Love strong people with treats they dont have. 1) strong-selfconfidence 2) smart (read books) 3) nice nit dressed 4) self-respect 5) typical women love somebody who can speak and little listen. not too many people can lead an in interesting converssation.
People only on words appreciate VULNERABLE MAN.
Think easy way. Why do majority of people love 007? is he Vulnerable ?
He has confidence , knowledge , smart, dressed nice, self-respect.
Copy it

Hahah 007. I don't disagree here but I think he lacks complexity and depth (based on what I remember at least). I do like strong people, I'm just not sure it has anything to do with having a vulnerable side, everyone has one, it's just a matter of how well you're hiding it, is this really how you define strength?
I don't think you're completely wrong either, most of the guys I liked were pretty confident/strong (and everything else this mask you're describing is supposed to contain) with most people, but I knew (and enjoyed) another side of them. If they never showed vulnerability, I'd never show it, and I suck at not being vulnerable with the person I love.

i definitely understand how time consuming it can be and if you’re anything like me, I get so sucked in a binge for hours at a time with a new game.

This is exactly why I asked, I know myself, I avoid starting things out of fear of getting obsessed and ignoring all the other obligations. Thanks for the review, I'm pretty sure I'll like it, at least based on the setting, atmosphere and storyline.

shanzeek wrote:

msPerfect wrote:I didn't read what others advise you. Bug I would tell you that. People in reality admire not that you real vulnerable. They Love strong people with treats they dont have. 1) strong-selfconfidence 2) smart (read books) 3) nice nit dressed 4) self-respect 5) typical women love somebody who can speak and little listen. not too many people can lead an in interesting converssation.
People only on words appreciate VULNERABLE MAN.
Think easy way. Why do majority of people love 007? is he Vulnerable ?
He has confidence , knowledge , smart, dressed nice, self-respect.
Copy it

Hahah 007. I don't disagree here but I think he lacks complexity and depth (based on what I remember at least). I do like strong people, I'm just not sure it has anything to do with having a vulnerable side, everyone has one, it's just a matter of how well you're hiding it, is this really how you define strength?
I don't think you're completely wrong either, most of the guys I liked were pretty confident/strong (and everything else this mask you're describing is supposed to contain) with most people, but I knew (and enjoyed) another side of them. If they never showed vulnerability, I'd never show it, and I suck at not being vulnerable with the person I love.

Get someone with whom you can show your vulnerability like online friend you will never meet.
Everyone of us little bit lonely of all people. But if you show weakness as people take your vulnerability
they will lose respect unfortunately. They respect somebody stronger than them.