NPD Leveraging/Faking BPD

I was wondering if any NPD (actually diagnosed) have BPD and leverage it as a manipulation tactic to make the victim feel sympathy and cling harder, or may not have BPD but "fake" having BPD to leverage it?

I personally am NPD with some BPD strands, but more dominant in NPD, according to the psychiatrist. However, I do have temptations to tell my exes that I have BPD and that I am in treatment to manipulate them back to me - at least that is what I think.

No. Borderline clinging and acting out is stupid af.

I mean, I don’t have NPD, but I have done that. I’ve done the whole, well I’m BPD and now I’m in treatment and you’re gonna miss out on the new “healthy” me if you leave now. It did work a couple times. But it would never work out in the long haul. So, it’s probably a more BPD thing I guess lol.

But really. I think pwBPD are just as villainized as those with NPD. Maybe? So I don’t think it would make much difference to someone who just doesn’t want a personality disordered SO in their life.

Hebi wrote:I mean, I don’t have NPD, but I have done that. I’ve done the whole, well I’m BPD and now I’m in treatment and you’re gonna miss out on the new “healthy” me if you leave now. It did work a couple times. But it would never work out in the long haul. So, it’s probably a more BPD thing I guess lol.

But really. I think pwBPD are just as villainized as those with NPD. Maybe? So I don’t think it would make much difference to someone who just doesn’t want a personality disordered SO in their life.

Thanks. The person I just dated stated that they knew I had "another side" of me that they accepted. That means they likely understood that there was another person internal to me battling them. However, I entered the point of extreme paranoia/psychosis where I abandoned that person.

Is that normal?

I’ve abandoned nearly everyone in my life, the only ones who seem to stick are codependent and won’t allow me to abandon them. Every single relationship I build goes through a phase of me trying to get the hell away from them. Once I start to get attached, my emotions start to get so dysregulated, I get uncomfortable and I also get the paranoid thoughts, so leaving is my way of dealing with that and still feeling in control. If they leave first, I lose it, manipulate them to come back, so that eventually, I can be the one to leave. It’s getting better with treatment, so there’s hope after all. I think it’s a normal defense mechanism for disordered personalities, definitely.

-- Sun Dec 03, 2017 12:35 pm --

But also, if you’re aware that you’re doing this, maybe try to identify the underlying emotional “trigger” managing that response? Is it fear of being abandoned? Of losing control? Of being controlled? Of them seeing the “real” you? Of the anticipated emotional roller coaster and the actions that will accompany that?

You say they accepted you, well that’s good, maybe be open about exactly what that other side of you is, and see what their response is. Next time, or if you rekindle with this person.

Hebi wrote:I’ve abandoned nearly everyone in my life, the only ones who seem to stick are codependent and won’t allow me to abandon them. Every single relationship I build goes through a phase of me trying to get the hell away from them. Once I start to get attached, my emotions start to get so dysregulated, I get uncomfortable and I also get the paranoid thoughts, so leaving is my way of dealing with that and still feeling in control. If they leave first, I lose it, manipulate them to come back, so that eventually, I can be the one to leave. It’s getting better with treatment, so there’s hope after all. I think it’s a normal defense mechanism for disordered personalities, definitely.

-- Sun Dec 03, 2017 12:35 pm --

But also, if you’re aware that you’re doing this, maybe try to identify the underlying emotional “trigger” managing that response? Is it fear of being abandoned? Of losing control? Of being controlled? Of them seeing the “real” you? Of the anticipated emotional roller coaster and the actions that will accompany that?

You say they accepted you, well that’s good, maybe be open about exactly what that other side of you is, and see what their response is. Next time, or if you rekindle with this person.

Great points - thank you. I guess I never knew I had this BPD side of me in me until ending up in the hospital a few times for suicidal ideation and extreme anxiety/paranoia. I agree that once I get attached also, my emotional fluctuation is out of control to the point where I need to break it off.

I fear losing control and being controlled. I am sure that if they dumped me or left me, I would be devastated also, but that hasn't happened yet probably because I run away before they see the true self, rather than the "false self." I end up journaling incessantly and ruminating all day on how the person is trying to control me and manipulate me.

I am opening to rekindling, although it has been 2 months of separation already. Until I fix this, I believe that it could occur again, even though I've done some CBT/DBT. Thank you!

i relate with hebi. i would probably manage to leave from a codependent too.
i was so confused because i thought that borderlines supposed to chase and act codependent until i realized they leave too.
i also feel that i am going to be the (idiot) one who falls for that excuse that you are bpd
but my pride doesn't allow me to pretend i need help and use that as manipulation. even when i do need help i am afraid to tell you

-- Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:10 pm --

it does sound common /classic behavior for bpd and npd to do that. manipulate like this

julllia wrote:i relate with hebi. i would probably manage to leave from a codependent too.
i was so confused because i thought that borderlines supposed to chase and act codependent until i realized they leave too.
i also feel that i am going to be the (idiot) one who falls for that excuse that you are bpd
but my pride doesn't allow me to pretend i need help and use that as manipulation. even when i do need help i am afraid to tell you

-- Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:10 pm --

it does sound common /classic behavior for bpd and npd to do that. manipulate like this

Exactly. I do feel like writing something to my ex explaining my personality disorders, but I am not sure if it is because I want that person to return as a form of control, or if I genuinely want to give that person closure.

actually it did help me knowing about the disorder. it made it more alluring to want the other and empathize with him and get codependent lol and feel closer but also way more unstable because i was more afraid he is going to leave me. also i understand that it wasn't my fault if he leaves.it is the disorder. the bpd is a trap. the npd i would want to avoid if i learned.
but also how painful it is to find out that he is a coward that never really loved me and was all about self esteem and no real love and action (don't take that last one personally please)
i mean it does give you closure to know why but it doesn't give you closure to realize that you were never loved
and what lack of empathy means.
but most people do not realize that really. just empathize and want to help and obsess. but i got to understand deeper the disorder because it was more personal.
i don't regret learning about it though.maybe it can help me improve myself.
i wish i could tell others that i am afraid or what my probelm is.but i am afraid to tell them lol

-- Sun Dec 03, 2017 11:31 pm --

if she/he is a non he might react bad. because a lot of people do not understand psychology.and would read the bad things and stigma.
but i think bpd is so and so.might empathize and come back might react bad

the other strange thing is that when people pretend they were sick i resented them, if it was family member especcially ( my aunt did it). or generally strangers i thought they were pathetic that had no pride.and suddenly someone is hot and i saw they wanted my attention and that made me come back in a way.
so i don't get how other times is resentment or i ignore them and other times i got supply or reassurance and want them more