Closet/covert narcissism

but i don't like to be the giver, i want to be taken care of lolol. what about you?
although i can revolve my life around someone. but i don't like to tell you what to do but i also don't like to take care of others. eh..
but seriously if 2 borderlines are together,who is the codependent.if 2 codependents don't attract.
i doubt we are like my mother either of us,although i felt the addiction.(like a guy is theonly reason to live.i want to find a reason to live that gets me high on passion lol)
i doubt i could let dependence be so destructive as my mother did and so blind and in denial. my mom is very empathetic person but she needs to feel needed and if you suffer she would just choose my dad over you ,even if he is the one who hurt you. maybe this is why i am afraid of realtionships because of how pathetic she was. although the only very empathetic person of my family and i prefer her

Akuma wrote:On a neurotic level this will be annoying enough I suppose but on a borderline-narcissistic level there will be diffusion between subject and object, a feeling of annihilation anxiety, that when the object leaves [=gets destroyed] the self gets destroyed [or fragmented -> psychosis].
Apart from that though it had a completing quality and a weird "us against them" quality that is hard to describe.

Completing and us against them quality - is how I once actually described the relationship in a conversation, he said I was "stealing his line" for stating that.
I also remember posting around here about unbearable pain not long after a break-up (while playing it cool in front of him..), I probably suppressed a lot of memories from that period, but I think it might fit the above mentioned feeling of annihilation anxiety; I kept returning in contact with him because I simply couldn't deal with the pain. I don't think it was the typical pain nons usually experience after a break-up (can't know for sure, though), I think you actually pointed me even then to read more about BPD.

Edit: I think mods deleted few of our posts, jullia, anways, take it easy , I was describing a rl dynamic to a third person or him with this us against the rest of the world mentality, it started bothering me a lot throughout the rl and I started feeling very isolated, so I couldn't agree more about its toxicity.

So you've decided it's subclinical? Out of curiousity can I ask your reasoning? I've read the thread through but I can't work out the jump.

Also from my perspective I'm happy to answer the questions directed at me earlier in the thread but I dunno how much point there would be as the thread seems to have moved on.

@shazneek .mine wasn't a mod. sometimes i get triggered and get upset when others sound narcissistic or you reminded me something upsetting. generally you do seem that you take admiration through him.
do you like to take care of others and give to them ?you didn't answer that.

i am thinking i wanted to die without him, i know this feeling. but i am not dead, so it must be bogus.

that is kind of strange question above . maybe better description is : do you see someone ###$ up and want to help him?
and take care of him?
i don't for example. i feel like a mix.i want to feel needed but i do not want to take care of others at all,i might want sometimes to revolve my life around them though.

Quoth wrote:So you've decided it's subclinical? Out of curiousity can I ask your reasoning? I've read the thread through but I can't work out the jump.

Also from my perspective I'm happy to answer the questions directed at me earlier in the thread but I dunno how much point there would be as the thread seems to have moved on.

I'm a bit confused by your question, where did I decide anything? I'm not sure I know what you mean, no new "decisions" since page 1 I think.

(I was analyzing my initial reaction to your example as it pissed me off a bit, because it was more than obvious (to me?) this person was portrayed solely in negative light, however, I realize you wrote a long paragraph of the only example you knew, with intention to help, so I've decided to explain this over-reaction to myself through my (CNPD) hypersensitivity and distorted view of "unfriendly" reality. I did notice though I get triggered a lot by your comments, as they seem to be (perhaps reading it falsely) sending mixed signals: example - you respond the thread and you're the first one to point me in proper CNPD direction, but you then portray this CNPD representing character in a completely negative (on a topic where someone is struggling to grasp the idea of having cnpd) way and it leaves me feeling very confused - is this an act of help or the opposite of that? It's absolutely possible I'm misinterpreting your a bit rougher approach as hostility, when it's really not. If you agree, I suggest we leave it at this, as it's very far from topic. I am genuinely grateful for all your advice. )

Edit: if you mean the codependency comment, it was written in past tense, describing a period before it even occured to me it might be something else

julllia wrote:that is kind of strange question above . maybe better description is : do you see someone ###$ up and want to help him?
and take care of him?
i don't for example. i feel like a mix.i want to feel needed but i do not want to take care of others at all,i might want sometimes to revolve my life around them though.

Hmm, I was running around my father a lot while growing up, so it came naturally to act similarly with my ex. But not always - there was inconsistency and a switch of roles present in both my and his behaviour.
I don't know how the answer the question without a context, it depends I guess, I don't think I'm compulsively trying to help everybody I encounter, but I did find myself ocassionally in that role, it's not foreign to me.

i was in the spd forum and after i answered something i noticed that someone said "i married my wife because i wanted to help her." and i kind of got speechless,if that statement is upsetting or it is not... not sure

julllia wrote:i was in the spd forum and after i answered something i noticed that someone said "i married my wife because i wanted to help her." and i kind of got speechless,if that statement is upsetting or it is not... not sure

I did say few times I was attracted by pain, not sure if that counts as having a need to help? Or be helped? I don't know? What exactly do you mean by helping? I did want to help my ex boyfriend but quickly realized I'm even more f*cked up than he was and unable to help myself, let alone another person.

i don't know what i mean, sometimes i read how giving the narcissist is and how he wants to take care of someone and fic him,especially for the covert i think. but the motive is to control him maybe.

-- Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:21 am --

and also to feel how important he is and needed by helping others.