Discussing Moderation For NPD forum.

by **Otter** » Sun Nov 15, 2015 9:50 pm

Inquisitor wrote:The only thing that I would add is that those who frequent the NPD forum shouldn't be looking for a mod to be a sort of savior, which is the vibe I'm getting from a lot of regulars as I read the threads on this subject.

This is absolutely true. My personal opinion is that having a mod who knows the subject matter in-depth is icing on the cake. And most likely, their posts as a member already brought that icing to cake already. The job of the moderator is just to make sure that the forum is running smoothly. This is a peer to peer forum. The content of the forum is created by the members.

Inquisitor wrote:The only thing that I would add is that those who frequent the NPD forum shouldn't be looking for a mod to be a sort of savior, which is the vibe I'm getting from a lot of regulars as I read the threads on this subject. I know I've only got a few posts, but I may or may not have been around these forums before, and one thing I've noticed is that the NPD forum seems to look to its primary moderator as a sort of central figure, almost in a way that can become a bit personality-driven, thus making the forum about one person or one larger-than-life personality instead of about everyone.

When an N is lifted to mod status, that's going to supply him or her, regardless of level of self-awareness. Add to that the throngs of confused and hurt N exes looking for support, who tend to be largely female for whatever reason, as well as ACONs and BPD fellow travelers giving attention to the new moderator, and what you end up with is someone already prone to ego-inflation being given his own little pathological Narcissistic space. That's why it's best to get a self-aware N with strong character in the position, maybe even someone like bitty.

This forum is working now better than I've ever seen it work before. The dominant personalities on this forum at present are extremely thoughtful and intelligent. Truth Too Late is an excellent spokesman for self-aware Ns, I think. It does need a moderator. But it doesn't need a cult leader or a king.

This is all true. It is a conundrum to choose an N to be a mod because it *is* going to be supply no matter how well intentioned they may be. It is important for us to realize whoever is the new mod is not going to be a savior or a king (or queen). At the end of the day, that person is just another member with a few extra responsibilities--and probably a few headaches too.

by **Otter** » Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:23 pm

Ladywith3cats wrote: At the end of the day, that person is just another member with a few extra responsibilities--and probablya few headaches too.

Spot-on. And the bolded part - even spottier spot-on. :mrgreen:

Don't get in it for glamour and praise, for your cuppeth will not runneth over.

by **Après L Orage** » Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:52 pm

Ladywith3cats wrote:Otter -- thanks for your feedback. I will let her know. I'm not sure if she will see this thread or not but I'll def. call her attention to it.

Thanks for the extra effort, Lady.

by **Otter** » Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:01 pm

Didn't see that - yes, thanks Lady - and everyone - for your input.

by **1PolarBear** » Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:14 am

Ladywith3cats wrote:There is no proof he is actually a psychopath. He does have an NPD diagnosis and may have psychopath/ASPD traits (which would make him a "malignant" narcissist) but I really think he's more Borderline than Psychopath. I saw that movie "I, Psychopath" and think he displayed a lot of BPD traits and his self-identification as a "psychopath" is almost wishful thinking on his part (although, Robert Hare seemed to think he is one). Anyway, JMO, YMMV and all that.

If you look at his MMPI chart in that movie, his strongest match is StPD.
Just saying'

by **Ladywith3cats** » Mon Nov 16, 2015 2:16 am

OneRinger wrote:
Ladywith3cats wrote:There is no proof he is actually a psychopath. He does have an NPD diagnosis and may have psychopath/ASPD traits (which would make him a "malignant" narcissist) but I really think he's more Borderline than Psychopath. I saw that movie "I, Psychopath" and think he displayed a lot of BPD traits and his self-identification as a "psychopath" is almost wishful thinking on his part (although, Robert Hare seemed to think he is one). Anyway, JMO, YMMV and all that.

If you look at his MMPI chart in that movie, his strongest match is StPD.
Just saying'

StPD=Schizotypal PD? Are you sure it wasn't Schizoid? I remember he scored pretty high in Avoidant too. I'll have to watch that again sometime soon. I thought he was pretty funny in that. Anyway, back to the topic this thread is about.

by **1PolarBear** » Mon Nov 16, 2015 2:51 am

Ladywith3cats wrote:StPD=Schizotypal PD? Are you sure it wasn't Schizoid? I remember he scored pretty high in Avoidant too. I'll have to watch that again sometime soon. I thought he was pretty funny in that. Anyway, back to the topic this thread is about.

Yes, you are right. He peaked at avoidant. Schizotypal was second.
https://youtu.be/LDx3NhrX1W8?t=17m3s

His wife seems more aggressive than he is. ;p

by **NimplyDinply** » Mon Nov 16, 2015 5:30 pm

To be honest, a lot of things he attributes to NPD reminded me a hell of a lot of BPD and StPD. He even goes so far as to say StPD and BPD are based on pathological narcissism.

I'm with justagirl here. I find him highly entertaining but I would take a lot of his stuff with a grain of salt. I believe it was creative_nothing who stated that he claims a wide range of behaviors are NPD. I'm inclined to agree.

by **MrNB** » Fri Nov 20, 2015 11:10 pm

I was having a read down the forum as I've ony just rejoined after a bit of time away from here. I came upon this topic and wanted to say that I was a moderator for quite a few years on here. I can't speak for everyone but personally for me, my time as a moderator ran out because I found that trying to maintain the running of the forum meant that I was no longer getting anything out of it for myself.

So many of my posts during that time just fell into more of an advice sort of category, even when I wasn't really doing any moderating, the result was that very little of my feelings and experiences were being expressed and explored - I fell into a sort of self appointed voice of reason kind of thing. So for this and a few other reasons I backed away from here, but reluctantly found that I missed the place and decided to come back but only as a member.

So I do agree with Otter that it's not imperative to have someone with NPD as a moderator here, in fact I would say that even for me, 12 years into therapy and active recovery etc, it can still detract from the reasons why one would have come here in the first place. I suppose it must depend on the individual but in many cases the icing on the cake thing may not apply.

I was very surprised to see that there isn't one on here now, and it seems to be running ok from what I can see - which is nice. :lol:

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