GETTING STALKED ON PSYCHFORUMS

This is for all those who've come to this site looking for information because they've been a victim of someone with a personality disorder. Before you post, consider this: the person you're trying to escape from may already be lurking here. If you post, they could be following your every move, and getting sick pleasure out of it in the bargain.

Here's my story:

I came to psychforums in May, 2006. After suspecting for a few months that she was bipolar, I FINALLY decided to take my doubts about this "woman" seriously and do some research. I ended up here, diagnosing her with HPD. KX confirmed this, adding he suspected dual diagnosis NPD/HPD. As soon as I discovered I was dealing with someone who was mentally ill, I backed off. No contact whatsoever beyond the minimum to keep her away from me until she just finally stopped trying. Suspecting I was slipping from her grasp, she had desperately tried to keep me as a source of narcissistic supply, and believe me, I had been. It's amazing the decisions you make based on incomplete information, but once I got wise that she's ill, that was it.

(The straw which broke the proverbial camel's back was something quite banal: To explain how she'd gotten away with so many affairs, she'd once bragged that she was a good liar. That's true: inasmuch as she was able to fake sincerity and a genuine interest in me as a person and as a friend, she's an artist. But when it came to the bald-faced lie, she was absolutely hopeless. She'd always claimed to be married, but when on the last day I saw her I asked her if she'd ever worn a wedding ring, her whole body suddenly changed. It was like something out of a movie. She stiffened, her voice altered and her speech became monotone, her face became rigid, eyes cold, almost robotic: she claimed she didn't wear a wedding ring not because she felt cramped in her marriage, but because it interfered with her playing her musical instrument. Right, and I'm the King of Siam.)

So after putting her off long enough and making sure she was gone for good I simply got on with my life, but I made one mistake: after coming back from summer holiday, I kept posting here. Yeah, I ranted and got into a few tangles, so what. Just by reading the many posts from people who've made the mistake of befriending these losers, I derived some solace in knowing that I wasn't the only one to have been duped by a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I also learned that arguing with them is like wrestling with a pig: you have to lower yourself to their level, they're too slippery to get a firm hold of, all you do is get dirty, and above all, the pig's the one having all the fun.

I had already decided to stop coming around here when one day in mid-December I found this comment on a blog I check out once in a while like I do many others. It starts off like this:

"When I stumbled upon your blog a while back, I wasn't even aware what a blog was. I read through a couple of charming entries, kept your picture in mind and was stunned to bump into you..."

Even before finishing I immediately recognised the post as written by her. On that same last day I saw her, she mentioned she'd recently met the blogger by chance in person in a park in the city she'd moved to with her "husband" and "son." But in stark contrast to what she wrote on his blog, she told me she'd taken an instant dislike to him, didn't like Americans in general, and thought his blog sucked.

So since I saw the comment not only as another one of her lies but an obvious move to suck the blood of her next unsuspecting victim, I sent her a short note calling her out on her #######4. I also took the opportunity to finally send her a longer note, explaining in steady, even terms why I unexpectedly stopped contacting her: I'd figured out she had personality disorders. She admitted as much that she was ill, lied that she didn't know that while she knew me, and claimed she wouldn't contact me again.

I'd copy the ranting, foam-at-the-mouth drivel she also wrote me as a feeble attempt to make it look like she had dropped me instead of the reverse, but there's no point. Suffice to say this: she let it be known quite clearly that all this time, she had been stalking me on this forum. It's actually quite hilarious: At the same time as she's accusing me of "lurking on the net so much" and telling me, "let me go," here she is lurking on this site, hanging on and following me around for six months!

So let this be a warning to any normal person who thinks psychforums is a healthy place to be. Remember that it's a hangout for the mentally ill. If you hang around here too, you may be followed. There's already a ton of information to glean from the years of previous posts. Beyond getting something out of that as a basis to work on, I recommend you avoid this place. It's as poisonous as the person you are posting about.

If anyone fears they are being a victim of this on psychforums needs to contact a mod or admin right away, not just for stalking but being harrassed, being threatened etc.

Even if it's through a text message over msn or another messenger this person can be charged and arrested.


So if anyone is dealing with this on here contact one of us, if it's outside of here and through msn, email what have you save your information logs or emails and send them to your local police.

Sadgurl,

Thanks for the advice, but unfortunately it doesn’t apply to me. People who come here have to understand that sociopaths / psychopaths did not get a Masters in Emotional Con-artistry (B.A. Major in Manipulation and Lying) by being so stupid as to leave a paper trail with a direct threat upon it.

You also have to remember that these people do not play by what the rest of us consider to be the rules.

Expecting them to do so would be like putting out a restraining order on a tsunami after getting word there had been an undersea earthquake. The best thing to do is PROTECT YOURSELF.

You should also re-read the pig analogy in my post. These people LOVE CONFLICT. Pursuing them legally plays right into their hands.

And with all due respect for the hours you have put in here and the thousands of posts you and other moderators have made and your well-meaning intentions, I would venture to say that passing this problem off as a police matter is merely a fig leaf to deflect criticism away from this site.

Most of the forums on Psychforums have by now built up a deep enough knowledge base for anyone looking for information to draw upon WITHOUT HAVING TO POST THEMSELVES AND EXPOSING THEMSELVES ANY MORE TO THE SICK PEOPLE THEY THINK THEY HAVE ALREADY ESCAPED.

If you truly cared about the well-being of those who have had the misfortune of “befriending” or god forbid being lovers with these people, you would agree with me. Get informed, sure. Use Psychforums all you want. But DON’T POST!

BTW, for those with a smattering of curiosity, the blogger is located at :
http://germandiary.blogspot.com/

You’ll find the artefact in question as an anonymous post signed J in the comments section of a December 3 post entitled I‘m Curious.

The blogger seems like such a nice fellow, and a perfect sighting for this predator‘s crosshairs: the guy’s living in a foreign country, maybe he hasn’t had time to make a lot of new friends, probably a stay-at-home dad with lots of time on his hands. Enough time has already passed for her to have turned on the oily charm and false flattery, so he’s probably lost already.

sociopaths / psychopaths did not get a Masters in Emotional Con-artistry (B.A. Major in Manipulation and Lying) by being so stupid as to leave a paper trail with a direct threat upon it.

Actully some are that stupid.


These people LOVE CONFLICT. Pursuing them legally plays right into their hands.

This is true about the conflict but the legal aspect i would have to disagree with. That would bring attention and anything that would have people cast a suspicious eye would be avoided or anything dramatic.

I would venture to say that passing this problem off as a police matter is merely a fig leaf to deflect criticism away from this site.

This confuses me. How could this site take criticism. For what exactly?.

Most of the forums on Psychforums have by now built up a deep enough knowledge base for anyone looking for information to draw upon WITHOUT HAVING TO POST THEMSELVES AND EXPOSING THEMSELVES ANY MORE TO THE SICK PEOPLE THEY THINK THEY HAVE ALREADY ESCAPED.

True, but there is also a plethora of web site's all over the web which offer the same information and in some cases without the added theories from the perspective of victim, victimizer and professional whithout having the option of registry or posting. I think people come here for the reason of voicing themselves. So being exposed is something the individual would have to take into consideration.

Dispite the large amount of childhood sex abuse victims we have on the site (moderators included) there is still a pedophilia forum. The individual makes up their own mind as to what they can handle yet the reality of a trigger or being exposed is likely. So we all make our own choices.

Get informed

If we are talking about ASPD then getting informed would be knowing that stalking is highly unlikely as there is no feed. Nothing gratifying like material possesion, money, sex ect. This would be something unrelated to an axis II PD. Whether the individual had one or not would be coincidence.

But DON’T POST!

So i expect to not be reading any more of your posts then?. Or are you just passing along your opinion.

BTW, for those with a smattering of curiosity, the blogger is located at :
http://germandiary.blogspot.com/

But i thought your complaint was with this site.

Bottom line is any poster who's being messed with by another poster should report it to mod's. If you want something done then collect some evidence. If someone is messing with you unrelated to this site report it aswell. There actully was an article two days ago in the paper of a 24 year old guy in ontario charged with uttering a threat on MSN. If people have serious concerns collect evidence and report.

Olson,

All good points. Thanks for all that.

A couple of things though. Please read more carefully. My beef is not with the blogger at all. I was merely pointing out for the mildly curious that if they want to see the comment I quoted on the blog itself, they can go right ahead.

I also think this site is definitely up for criticism. I find it significant that posts that I put on other forums (hpd, anti-psych, relationship et al) pointing out this stalking problem and directing those who might have missed it to this thread were all taken down within minutes. I don't know, I didn't see anything against doing that in the general rules or whatever.

I suspect if I'd written some glowing puff-post saying what a wonderful site this is, and that everyone should click on the ads they find here, and on and on, and copied it to every forum, it would have made sticky just as fast.

You may downplay the stalking but personally I think the potential to prolong rather than alleviate an individual's problems by not adequately warning users of the potential for abuse by sick people lurking on this site is the dirty little secret of psychforums and any other sites of its ilk.

You people have a vested interest in making sure that the freaks and weirdos who hang out here get a free ride. YOU like the conflict too. Admit it. It ups the traffic.

I actually had already decided to stop posting here, btw. I realised it is just a freak show. I posted this hoping that if it helps prevent just one other person from going through what I have, then it would not have been in vain.

All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to sit around and do nothing.

What you were doing was considered spam. One post is sufficiant. Spam is removed and your post remains.

Contrary to your belief if you had made 7-8 posts highlighting the value of the site i imagine all but one would be removed. Your confusing bias with order. Nothing against you or the content of the post but that you were spamming it.

I'm unaware of any stalking or stalking situation but i'd welcome one myself. Would make life more interesting. If this is a problem here or for you then report it. I take it you get unwanted PM's not answering them is a good idea but if its bordering on harrasment i'd suggest report it to one of the mod's aswell.

What exactly dose the blog or what gose on there or in that situation have to do with here and now and you posting 7-8 posts in different threads warning of stalking. Some people are easily swayed into paranoia.

Now i dont know if psychforums has a dirty little secret but caution when dealing with people who have psychological problems seems logical. I wouldnt of thought anyone would need to be told.

Some people are bad, some are good. Those are both extremes and there is a vast variety of different shade inbetween. But without being discrimatory the level of deviancy of a poster or their threat factor cannot be measured by the site. The site provides an outlit and resource.

But to be direct. IMO your right. There are some sick people on this site. There are people who come for social reasons. Or to mess with people. Yet if you ask them their reason your sure to get a noble response. Some small area of this site (and i will not be spicific) are more of a social group of nit-wits then a resource for valid information or support. Yet when people dont break rules action cant be taken right?. Unless we are talking of different things. Is it that you've been a target of some sort and are spreading the word of caution?. If this is the case then report to the admin or a mod and help rid the site of those same kind your warning caution against.

By you people i assume your speaking of moderators, mod's are just posters with a title, limited power and who help out. I'm still on probabtion. I have no vested interest. I imagine the same hold's true for everyone else. People's reasons for being here are there own. There is advertizing because people pay for advertizing which pay's for the site. I may be wrong i dont know the spicific's but i imagine thats so. Whether there are one or two people who (like) having the "freaks" and "weirdos" around, i dont know. Its possible.

Sure i can enjoy conflict. I think thats pretty well established. I'm upfront with how much of a prick i can be. I dont attempt to manipulate people into thinking i'm some wonderful person to screw you over. My advice right off is its best people dont even talk to me. The moderator Fomori4hire's Sig sum's up pretty much how i feel. But no if given the power to ban i'd remove those i deem $#%^ disturbers. I dont find it good to have them around. And there is a big difference between someone who can be moody like myself and a $#%^ disturber.

Here is a suggestion. Have a look around the site. Outside of the cluster b forums. For example i sometimes visit the DID forum to read because they are a good group of posters who always support each other and rearly fight or try and show one another up. No boasting of manipulation or vakinin like theorectical tripe or how to get revenge ect. They are mearly helping each other.

And i imagine sometimes some people forget thats the point. But this site is not to blame.

You were spamming the forums, I removed your posts because you had about 6 of them, more then 3 is considered spam here, I left 2 or 3 of your posts up, anymore of the exact same post will be removed. Find the right forums and post them there.

juswundrin wrote:You people have a vested interest in making sure that the freaks and weirdos who hang out here get a free ride. YOU like the conflict too. Admit it. It ups the traffic.

Personally, I don't care how much traffic there is on psychforums. Do you think the mods actually get paid to be here? Not a dime, honey! That's okay, because I'm here to be both a student and a teacher... I like interaction, NOT conflict. Talking about problems and learning from others is what I like... I'll happily admit to that.

Olson wrote:For example i sometimes visit the DID forum to read because they are a good group of posters who always support each other and rearly fight or try and show one another up. No boasting of manipulation or vakinin like theorectical tripe or how to get revenge ect. They are mearly helping each other.

That's one of the reasons I asked to mod there. I love the DID forum because they are SO supportive and kind to one another. It's the most uplifting forum on the site, in my opinion.



Stalking can happen anywhere. Speaking freely on the world-wide forum of the internet puts your information out there for everyone to see. If someone puts two and two together, you can be found anywhere and stalked anywhere. We all have a duty to ourselves to play it safe when we don't want to let certain information fall into the wrong hands. At the same time, living in fear gets us nowhere.

I had a very hard time opening up on psychforums, but it came to a point where I decided that I needed help enough to risk him finding my words. MY decision (which may not be the same for you) was to put them out there anyway, and I'm glad I did. How would I feel if he found me and started sending me messages back when I was my most vulnerable? I don't know. We all have the responsibility to decide that for ourselves. I hope that you find privacy... even if it means keeping a journal at home that no one else can ever read. Be safe and be cautious.

Wow, the mods seem to have woken up.

Thanks for all this.

Amy: Blame the victim by calling me paranoid? Gee, you're swell.

Thanks Olson, glad you agree with me, but I stand by my assessment of this place not only as a hangout for sick people, but that the problem I just went through isn't played up enough on the site.

In general, your answers make it sound as if it was all my fault.

Please understand: I'm not saying that psychforums has no function. All I'm saying is that it is negligent of the site not to put a WARNING at the top of the pages in a sticky that there are sick people hanging around here and that one is in danger of being followed by the very person they're posting about.

If you truly wanted to show that you care about the people who come here and their well-being, you'd do at least that, not bury it in some fine print.

Remember that I was followed on this site by someone whom I DUMPED just by suddenly breaking off contact, and who couldn't get over it. It was like I was looking at a rabid dog, not knowing whether to kick it in the face or run like hell. So I took the third route: I backed away slowly saying: nice doggie, nice doggie!

I didn't intend to do this but now that I'm typing away:

I realise you may be reading this right now, so if you are -

Maybe it pisses you off that there are men out there who have normal relationships with their wives and daughters. Just because your childhood was hell doesn't mean you have to go through life willingly wreaking havoc in the lives of married men.

I suggest if you want to keep on being the screw-up you are, you not be such a coward and pick on someone down at your level, ie someone with no life and nothing to lose.

Maybe it also pisses you off no end that I finally saw through your cheap manipulations and lies and turned my back on you unexpectedly to save myself.

It probably also pisses you off no end that there is someone out there who sees through you like glass. Someone from your own back yard.

Well, how does it feel to be given a taste of your own medicine?
You're all about bait and switch. Bait with one thing, switch to the other. That's what I gave you in the end, and you didn't see it coming. Now you know what it feels like.

Get over it indeed.

I'm going to close this as Sean has already spoken to you in the other thread. I don't appreciated your attitude to the mods here, and there can be nothing good that will come out of this thread now.