fergi6777 wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLdkvEziZUc (Amy Bouzaglo on Gordon Ramsey's show)
Wow.
That was good! I could see myself in Amy. Her interaction with Chef Ramsey reminded me of how I interacted with a "company shrink."[1] I was
exactly like her. Not as outwardly emotional and aggressive. I was more passive-aggressive and dismissive, haughty. But, I'm serious, it was the same combativeness, resistance, outright denial.
Non-stop for 2-3 hours.
At the end of my session the therapist was beaten down and exhausted. I felt like I won.
However, at the very end, while scribbling notes he said: "I see people like you in my practice every day." I asked what he meant, with a bit of furiousity in my voice. He said "Oh, they come to me all the time. They're usually older. They can't make it work anymore. You know. What you're doing."
I had a strange mixed emotion."I'll prove him wrong, I can make this work. I beat him down didn't I?" But, I knew what he was talking about. And, I knew the last 2-3 hours felt like holding sheets of plywood in the wind while standing on a ladder. I knew something wasn't right. You can't be like Amy and not know.
I always remembered that guy's seed. When things collapsed for me, having that in my mind made it a softer landing. It was that seed that caused me to occasionally trait-surf through the years. As a N, I'm all about self-sufficiency. I knew that shrink was telling me something. So, I acquired a working knowledge of the subject. I had the vocabulary -- except, somehow I never looked at NPD. (I dismissed it due to the stereotypical grandiosity which was
not me.). But, I had enough to make it a year until I finally discovered covert NPD.
Seeds like that were really valuable. That's why I always encourage nons going no contact to try to plant one. (You see how it worked at the end of the movie, Social Network. At the end, the lawyer tells Goldberg he's not an Ahole, he just works hard trying to be. That triggered Goldberg to remember his girlfriend who planted a seed when she broke up with him.). For me, those bits and pieces were invaluable when it hit the fan. I don't think I could have handled it without the working vocabulary and the preparedness for what I knew was there. I just didn't know if/when it was coming.
Anyway, I guarantee Amy felt that same precariousness in her mind while putting up such a show of strength. It's amazing to see myself in her. It makes me realize: Whatever we're running from must be frightening that we would choose to put up that level of false bravado to avoid facing it.
I wonder what happened to her.
[1] An employer "team building" initiative. Everyone in the group had to go for aptitude evaluation, etc. It turned into a lab experiment for me. The shrink smelled me out. He began analyzing me.