Song that reminded me of NPD

Thank you everybody - not for telling me that it's alright, but that I'm not the only one to have felt as I have. I'd like to respond at more length, but I have to get ready to leave in a minute, so I'll return to this later.

I'm conjecturing that the level of narcissism a person "suffers" from is entirely culturally defined. I've often thought that a society comprised of narcissistic perfectionist citizens would work quite well. A super efficient crime free society that would consume all weaker societies around it!

We've digressed. Let's get back on track with this.

http://youtu.be/VeEApMz5neU

A client of mine recently told me how his N boss could take people's breath away with his style of management. I told him that we were the beautiful people, after all! It's simply a question of keeping those ego defences strong, getting that narcissistic supply in productive ways, finding new ways to be beautiful as we lose our looks and understanding that it's good to be good! Until the psychologists invent a time machine this is going to be my theme!

http://youtu.be/d89h5jLF0k0

Esquire wrote:I think the seemingly innate N repulsion to people who seem "weak," such as children, old people, the disabled, etc, might come from a couple of different places. First, I think they remind us of our own frailty, vulnerability, lack of omnipotence, and mortality, and second, I think we look for people who can provide us with things of value, i.e., supply, stuff, etc, and that's more likely going to come from persons who Western society views as, "strong," such as people in their prime, intelligent people, well educated people, wealthy people, etc.

I realize how this makes us sound, but I think it's good to use this forum to be honest about the things inside that aren't so pleasant.

Perhaps that was it, Esquire. My inner bully was definitely activated. It's something to do with people who are vague, indecisive, talk or move slowly.

I think that I also felt contempt, (without realising it), for people who were kind to me. I think that I saw it as 'weakness', (appeasing, capitulating?) somehow. I was never appreciative or grateful for anything, but instead rejecting.

I absolutely agree about being honest about those unpleasant inner aspects. I've wished for a long time that there was more discussion about that, but it doesn't seem to happen. It would help me, but perhaps other narcissists don't feel the same way. It is difficult, when it may draw criticism.

TinyToad wrote:

Esquire wrote:I realize how this makes us sound, but I think it's good to use this forum to be honest about the things inside that aren't so pleasant.

I agree 100%. The truth will always be far more valuable than anything it could ever be hidden behind. I also honestly think this is why we with BPD are often so drawn to partners with NPD. I know a lot of professionals seem to theorize it's that we're gluttons for abuse or something, and maybe yeah that is probably a small part of it, playing out stuff from childhood and all, but I also think a huge part of it is that we with BPD have invalidation from others as a HUUUGE part of our underlying issues, and we see people with NPD basically invalidating themselves all the time on a very deep level. Makes me wonder if we just wind up projecting our own battle onto partners with NPD, like we are trying to save them or something because we see them doing to themselves what our caregivers did to us. It is like watching someone stab themself in the eye.

Tiny Toad, sorry to derail your thread, but I've got a feeling that you don't mind too much. Strangely enough, I was talking to a young man yesterday who's got traits of aspd, and I said to him that it was like watching him metaphorically punch himself instead of others.

I didn't know that narcissists evoked that 'rescuing' response in people with bpd, I can see what you mean.

Truth too late wrote:

bitty wrote:I'm not proud of that trait, but I can remember being not very nice, in a covert way,

I'm that way. I'll feel a twinge of contempt for anyone with Downs Syndrome, or palsied, morbidly obese, elderly dementia (for example). An immediate low-level of being painted black. I think it's as simple as the mirror. They can't be who I want to be.

The only disability that evokes something compassionate in me is blindness. I don't know if I feel genuine empathy because I (any of us) know what it's like to be in a dark room and be disoriented. Or, the more likely explanation: They can't see me and less likely to judge me; a mirror that starts with an immediate benefit to me?

Truth too late, I might feel contempt in the way that you describe for the same reason.(sorry, I'm distracted, because any minute now other people are going to wake up, so I'm rushing a bit.)

I just wanted to say that I've identified with several things that you've written about the way that you used to think and behave, and it's really helped me, so thank you.

solstice1962 wrote:Same goes for me I'm afraid (or am I?) Weakness in people just brings out the mild sadist in me. My own view is that Ns hark back to an earlier stage in human development when the weak got picked off for the betterment of the species. Ns are natural Darwinists. Personally, I like children and they seem to like me. I was at the Mary Rose exhibition recently. A tour around that gives an idea as to just how much tougher life was in past times!

Max Stirner in "The Ego and its Own" expounds a similar view. Written in the 1840s. Ns are nihilists.

solstice, yes, I also have that inner sadist. A sort of gleeful, inner bully. Thanks for sharing that, It helps to read of other people, like yourself, who have the same sort of feelings as me.

Apologies again for going off topic. I was going to start a separate thread, but didn't know if it would be okay to quote people's responses in this thread in a new one.

solstice1962 wrote:Same goes for me I'm afraid (or am I?) Weakness in people just brings out the mild sadist in me. My own view is that Ns hark back to an earlier stage in human development when the weak got picked off for the betterment of the species. Ns are natural Darwinists.

That's interesting. I really see it because I do feel a twinge of contempt. I even know it when I feel it, like "c'mon, stop it. That's wrong." In fact, it's one of the things I often wondered if I was ASPD (back when I used to trait surf).

I could easily attribute it to "I'm higher on the food chain, I have no use for you."

However, I get a little of that resentment when I paint anyone black. That wouldn't be due to what you described, would it? What troubles me about how I have this reaction to the infirm(?) is that I don't perceive them as deserving it. The only difference between the two episodes is that I don't have that "c'mon" moment. I keep painting blacker, disliking the person more.

I'm going to have to think about it more, whether it's the same feeling in both circumstances. (I still have those emotions. They just don't go far now. Except for the gum snappers. I could really kill one of them.).

I find that disabled people are mild narcissists by default. They are very preoccupied with their own needs and demanding of the time of others. Maybe it's this that sparks our sadistic impulse. I'd better shut up or polish my jackboots!

http://youtu.be/49MnzqB28qQ

Their boss is a sexy Adolf Hitler!!

http://youtu.be/h4BTVoksDkg

http://youtu.be/0IA3ZvCkRkQ

http://youtu.be/Cm7peg4CKoY