A Quick Hello From One Who Has Healed

Thank you for sharing.

It's good to know that you have a roof now, even if being homeless seemed to have sense for you in that moment.

Livinginmyhead wrote:

Philonoe wrote:
So my questions are :

- how is narcissism related to ego-deficit?
- how is ego-weakness related to psychosis?

The ego is not a real thing. It is an intellectual construct based on the presence of circular patterns of thinking and conditioned patterns of behavior. If you can break out of the conditioned 'I Am' narrative - setting aside the circular patterns and altering the conditioning, you can begin to shift the ego into the background rather than letting it live in the foreground. The ego will always be there, but because you are no longer caught up in it and can see things as they are, the narcissistic patterns of behavior disappear. This takes time and practice - all relating to mindfulness, meditation, and the power of neuroplasticity...

So you tends towards an ideal of no narcissism?

This is true of any psychological label - even people dubbed 'normal' are caught up in their own internal narration, thought patterns, and conditioned behaviors.

Yes i think so. I perceive it in myself. It's difficult to be confronted to that, though. I happened to me after travelling. Being back and couldn't enter in my shoes anymore. So who was i?

Every human being can benefit from shifting their orientation and perception into a new state of reality that only comes through the experiential realization of awakening into higher consciousness.

Yes maybe? I don't know? I'm not sure if i'm looking for the same?
Possibly i look for being more "in the world"? Well, i don't know. Each one has own journey.

Truth too late wrote:My question, however, was: do you recognize that making the new insight exceptional (uncommon), book-worthy, other-worldly, etc., is consistent with our traits? I.e., why wouldn't returning to earth as a mere mortal be conducted in as grand and profound terms as what led you to float away in grandiosity to begin with?

Do you ever consider that?

What I would say is that all notion of separation, division, specialness, uniqueness, etc. have been dissolved. I am simply one manifestation amongst billions, with my own journey to take. As we move into the higher calling of our soul, we work towards those things that resonate with us - I simply share my experiences and let others decide what to do with the information. I do not play with notions of what is and is not a part of narcissism. All of that is in the past. I have no desire to go round and round with people about narcissism - to me such things are a waste. It really isn't a part of my experience anymore - it just isn't.

It's far more valuable to speak about the depth of our beingness as beings of infinite love, how to learn to live as a loving beings in the present moment, how to let go of fear uncertainty and doubt, and surrender the outcome of our actions - concerning ourselves only with the actions themselves, and the intentionality behind them - always moving things in the direction of love and kindness. This is deep spiritual truth that applies to all human beings. To continue identifying with any mental illness is to stay trapped in a layer of egoic identification... All of that has to be left behind - all of it...

There is simply no way to express, in words, the depth of peace, serenity, acceptance, and love that I experience in each breath now. Any effort on my part to explain it will be met with skepticism or with efforts to try and take apart the things I'm saying. I'm not here asking people for advice or input - I'm simply sharing what's possible. Being trapped in identification with a mental illness is a huge barrier to healing. I've seen so many people continue to limit themselves. Whether my words carry any weight or sink in, or even matter is irrelevant. All I can do is share what I've found and how my life has changed. With all of the hopelessness, the negativity, and the skepticism that narcissist face, knowing that there ARE success stories is of vital importance to those who really want to find their way free.

I've shed these kinds of questions though - I've done the work to move through them... It's not about questions for me anymore. It's just about being awake to my own simple life and living fully as a being of love and kindness, fully in the present moment, accepting what is, and surrendering to the mystery.

Philonoe wrote:So you tends towards an ideal of no narcissism?

I tend to the idea that 'narcissism' is a word - a label used to describe a set of behavioral patterns that arise from confused thinking. This confused thinking is the result of conditioning and identification with a concept of self that does not really exist anywhere other than the confused mind. This applies to ALL forms of mental illness that are the result of confused thinking. It also includes most people who are dubbed 'normal' in our society today.

There is a lovely book called 'I Am That' by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj that discusses this at a deep spiritual level - how to let go of the concept of the 'I Am' that keeps us trapped. But if you really dig into modern neuroscience and all wisdom traditions, you see the same things being said over and over and over again.

Livinginmyhead wrote:I am simply one manifestation amongst billions, with my own journey to take.

But, billions aren't moving downtown to live on the streets with the homies, only to discover the homies don't recognize what you're there to give them. Billions aren't writing a book about cures not discovered by science.

Our journey among the billions is "special" that way.

I'm glad you've thought about it. You could be on the right track. For example, I could be keeping the awareness of my disorder alive (instead of choosing not to give it power) in order to get supply from it.

But, if I were, how different would that be from writing a book about my disorder, while claiming I don't give my disorder any power? Isn't writing the book power? Isn't using unproveable (extraordinary) perceptions (spirituality, other dimensions of reality, etc.) also along the same lines as accepting that the disorder is a part of your life and talking about it as such?

How does simply choosing not to give it power cause it to not have the power it always did? Pretty much, ignoring the reality of my traits and how they affect me is exactly how it turned into a technicolor movie I couldn't discern from reality.

I'm glad you're progressing, etc. I don't deny that you have a huge, fundamental realization about yourself which feels *powerful* in its very real effect. I can relate to that, and I'm not afraid to say I think there's something more to my self-awareness than what can be proven scientifically. (There's something spiritual, other-worldly, a reality science hasn't discovered yet -- like they didn't discover germs were little living things until 1900?).

But, I don't think that makes me immune from what is my lifetime-learned coping mechanisms, etc. Maybe I just haven't reached your level yet. But, since you've probably been at my level, you'd understand my concern and that I'm not trying to invalidate you. It's a valid concern that my "wellness" could be as magnificent to me as my sickness was. It would be very possible for me to pronounce myself cured -- a miracle which science can't explain. I've been that my entire life. Of course that's where I'd go (if I decided I shouldn't worry about where I'm going).

I'm glad it's something you've apparently considered in the past, and didn't feel offended by my asking. I just want to make the point that I don't believe it's an either/or choice. I think a person can be remarkably self-aware and live more in the "here and now" without it having to be a "cure." (Your own integration of a religious philosophy to explain and actuate the new you could be nothing more than that, just dressed up for the occasion. "I'm cured and won't give power to those old things -- as I write about the stuff I use to prevent the old things from existing... while the process of focusing on this self-validating activity, the book, is the old thing.").

Whatever's happening. I'm sure you're a million times better off than you were before being self-aware. And, if it were swinging back to old behaviors (in new clothes) I'm sure you'd detect it. (I'd like to think I would if I'm doing it.).

Thank you, but again - I'm not really looking for advice. Just sharing. This is my last post in this conversation as arguing or trying to prove my points aren't my reason for being here. I am simply living my life and sharing with those who wish to listen. It really is that simple.