A Quick Hello From One Who Has Healed

You seem to have a very clear perception of the internal dynamics and particularly the role of ego and possible issues around it.

So my questions are :

- how is narcissism related to ego-deficit?
- how is ego-weakness related to psychosis?

Particularly the second one is new to me. That makes sense for me when thinking about own family dynamics.

You same to have a very clear model in mind. Have you some (not too difficult) sources about it or some more explanations on it?

It's particularly about the global model and the link to psychosis.


(sorry for the mistakes in english)

A lot of mixed comments here. Thanks to all of you who offered kind remarks - and to those who question, keep questioning. Questioning will allow your to see deeply into the truth of your own experience.

This post is just to provide another update. I spent about two and a half months living the homeless life on the streets of Seattle, sharing the truth of enlightenment with many many people. After a while I realized that I can't really help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves... I can't save the world, all I can do is deepen into my own experience of living and nudge all things in the direction of love and kindness. I've now moved to Florida to be with family and am enjoying my life.

Many people still doubt my journey and my recovery. Doubt all you want - but to those who see the depth of everything I went through and feel the truth of it all - know that real healing is indeed possible. Ignore everyone who says otherwise, and don't get trapped or lost in identifying with your diagnosis. Narcissism collapses in on itself when you let go of your concept of self and shift the ego into a place where it becomes the small voice that holds no sway.

*mod edit*

Lastly - to those who think that my shift into spirituality is just another aspect of narcissism - you really need to do more reading and research. Every ancient wisdom tradition and all modern neuroscience points to the exact same things that I'm saying. Ignore everything I say and rely on those instead if you prefer- it doesn't matter! Anyone who's found the truth within themselves knows that what I'm saying is true...

Philonoe wrote:
So my questions are :

- how is narcissism related to ego-deficit?
- how is ego-weakness related to psychosis?

The ego is not a real thing. It is an intellectual construct based on the presence of circular patterns of thinking and conditioned patterns of behavior. If you can break out of the conditioned 'I Am' narrative - setting aside the circular patterns and altering the conditioning, you can begin to shift the ego into the background rather than letting it live in the foreground. The ego will always be there, but because you are no longer caught up in it and can see things as they are, the narcissistic patterns of behavior disappear. This takes time and practice - all relating to mindfulness, meditation, and the power of neuroplasticity...

This is true of any psychological label - even people dubbed 'normal' are caught up in their own internal narration, thought patterns, and conditioned behaviors. Every human being can benefit from shifting their orientation and perception into a new state of reality that only comes through the experiential realization of awakening into higher consciousness.

I have two answers to your question below.

First, with enlightenment comes the internal experiential realization of our complete oneness with all beings - and that at the core of our beingness we are all beings of infinite love. You are everyone and everyone is you. Seeing this fully shifts everything... It's not just about cultivating empathy - it's about expanding consciousness to include the entirety of existence - and in doing so you become love.

In terms of my personal relationships, I have never been closer to my family, to my ex girlfriend, to my ex wife, to my friends, to the people I encounter, etc. I've done deep healing work in every relationship that I value - asking for forgiveness, forgiving, and letting go. The bonds with each one of them are incredibly strong now - and they've all been asking me a lot of questions to help facilitate their own spiritual growth. The only healing work I still have left is with my adult daughter... As you can imagine healing the broken bonds with your own child is the most delicate of all external relational healing work that one might encounter.

Words cannot really describe how deep my bonds are now, how much I value the relationships I have, and how much better my life is as a result of the spiritual work I'd done (and continue to do). Always remember that narcissism is about misguided patterns of thinking and behavior. Break the patterns and true freedom is possible...

Hope that helps...

wwatermelon wrote:Hi,

I would wonder how your close personal relationships have changed since your enlightenment?

And by personal relationships I don't mean a bunch of strangers you meet on the street that you want to help as you spread your teachings. I mean your real, close relationship with family, spouse, children. Those relationships are a measure of true healing imho.

It is the only realm where you can show that you truly put someone else's interests and needs ahead of your own. Because teaching people can equally be for selfish reasons too.

It's very nice that you want to bring redemption to a whole bunch of strangers, but unless you can care deeply about a very limited few, I wouldn't believe that you truly cured your narcissism.

And I'm sorry about being skeptical, it's just my nature.

Akuma wrote:Instead of being annoyed by it why don't you explain in detail why his "cure" would work at all? Because as I see it Narcissism is - just like Schizoid and Borderline - an ego-deficit. So a further reduction of ego will logically lead to a reduction in ego-functions (reality-testing f.e.), which translates to ego-weakness which is per definition psychosis.

This position misunderstands what I share with people. Look at all of the eastern wisdom traditions and the current research in neuroscience. The ego is nothing more than patterns of thinking born of our conditioning. If we identify with the ego, with those patterns, then we become our ego. When we can step outside of the ego - shift our patterns, our perceptions, and our orientation, we are no longer lost in the ego identification that gives rise to our emotional challenges. This is true of all human beings no matter what label you may be wearing.

This isn't something that can be explained in any meaningful way - it has to be experiential in order to fully grasp the depth of what I'm saying. Note that this is true of any awakened being who is explaining the value of the spiritual path. Even well known modern teachers like Ekhart Tolle say the same things I'm saying - but they cannot be fully grasped until they are experienced - not just intellectualized.

A interesting article and video on the nature of ego, how the ego evolved, and how dissolution of the ego is the next stage of evolution.

http://thespiritscience.net/2015/07/30/ ... ego-exist/

Livinginmyhead wrote:I spent about two and a half months living the homeless life on the streets of Seattle, sharing the truth of enlightenment with many many people.

I have a question. You've mentioned the spiritual dimension of your healing (a new conception of yourself, your place among others, the universe... I go so far as to say the multiverse. But, some can't think as big as me. ). How do you know your spiritual view of the world wasn't (isn't) simply an explanation for the reality you accepted about yourself, not the cause?

You have to admit, there are a lot of people with many different spiritual views. Some have no views and they're perfectly sane. Since spiritual matters can't be tested objectively, it seems like focusing too much on spiritualism could lead to the proverbial "cure worse than the disease."

I definitely believe there is more to reality than we can see. I think it's healthy to accept that, be open to it. But, our problem, obviously, was that we were out of touch with reality. Believing that the cure comes from something which can't be determined to be real... that seems like it could be fraught with danger? Not merely humility, but vanity?

What I mean is: I went through a similar "I'm going downtown to be with my people." And then becoming frustrated that those whom I deigned to help didn't recognize the gift I was offering.

Also: my coming to awareness has some aspects that seem hard to describe as mere coincidence. Do I focus on those when telling my story because my "coming down to earth" has to be "great" in some way? It can't be as simple as "I am mentally ill, I see it now?" Would that be too common for someone like me -- who was placed on earth with the majesty I was destined for, and fulfilled by recognizing I'm mentally ill?

How do we know when we're being realistic -- while at the same time accepting that we can't firmly identify reality's boundaries?

I think about those things often. For example, I see a lot of spiritual overtones. The ironies which come to my mind all the time. I call it evil Zen. It's like polar opposites (good vs bad). I see it so much, that I honestly think of NPD as demonic possession. My revulsion at my traits. "Love the sinner, hate the sin."

Getting back to my point: How do I know I'm not simply defining myself with the same black/white view I've given everything else? Elevating what was a lowering (of myself to to reality) into into an other-worldly battle of good and evil -- with me as the arbiter (God?).

Do you ever think of that? How it's "all relative?" I think (hope!) at least reminding (questioning) myself keeps me in touch with reality (and proper respect for the reality we can't see, which I agree: it exists.).

But, you're right. Getting clear on this stuff is *amazing*. I don't know if I'm "cured" (I don't know what it's like to be normal, I have nothing to compare to.). But, I'm very happy with this.

All I can say is that it is an experiential shift in consciousness that cannot be 'explained' in any meaningful way to someone who has not experienced it themselves. No words can fully describe the transitional state of mind. It is completely unbelievable to most people, possible in the view of those who are seekers, but not fully understood by anyone until what was sought is found. It truly is about awakening to higher consciousness as described in all ancient wisdom tradition, modern neuroscience, and even by current spiritual teachers like Eckhart Tolle, Ram Daas, Adyashanti, and many many more.

I don't know what your own experience or journey looks like - only mine. What's important is knowing that there is a journey towards healing that can be taken... The deeper you go, the more you free yourself. Eventually you cross a threshold that has such tremendous clarity that you are no longer a slave to the conditioned mind - the ego. The work continues from there - until we draw our last breath, but narcissism and all other forms of mental illness are left behind because you understand your own mind, see things as they truly are, and shift every aspect of your self concept into a place where there is both no self, and one self that contains the entirety of the universe at the very same time.

I truly wish it was possible to hand out spiritual awakenings to people - I was an atheist before mine. But it really is something that has to be done internally. It is the hardest thing any human being can do, but it is also the most rewarding endeavor imaginable... If you've found it, or are on the path toward it, or you've even just tasted it a bit, you know that it's true...

Also note - I don't believe in religion, religious systems, or religious figures. Spirituality is about you and your relationship with your own existence, your relationship with the divine. If you look beyond religious systems of belief and focus on spiritual sciences and wisdom traditions, you'll see the same messages repeated over and over again by multitudes of awakened beings. The reason there are so many differing views has to do with the level of conditioned thought still present in the mind of the person sharing their views. If someone positions a particular belief system as the answer it's because they never moved through the layer of conditioning that contains their belief system. People who are truly awake will tell you that the entire journey is your own inward journey - not to look upward or outward, but to learn to love and trust yourself and to honor your own journey....

Beyond that, the best I have to offer is written in the draft book I keep offering links to: *mod edit* I also have a handful of videos I did while I was going through the voluntary homelessness part of my journey. I now live in Florida with family and my girlfriend who is also an awakened being...

Take care...

Livinginmyhead wrote:All I can say is that it is an experiential shift in consciousness that cannot be 'explained' in any meaningful way to someone who has not experienced it themselves.

I absolutely agree. That's why I identified with your thread when I first got here. I could relate to your palpable realization of a new reality. I believe I've experienced it too. I feel quite liberated and able to speak about it in a way I could never imagine.

My question, however, was: do you recognize that making the new insight exceptional (uncommon), book-worthy, other-worldly, etc., is consistent with our traits? I.e., why wouldn't returning to earth as a mere mortal be conducted in as grand and profound terms as what led you to float away in grandiosity to begin with?

Do you ever consider that?

The trip downtown with the homies seems like it might have been guided by the same principle (based on how it turned out). I can say this because I feel like I went through a similar "big fish in a little pond" lowering of myself (which wasn't necessarily a lowering of myself. It was more to bring my strengths to those who should recognize them most. Only to realize: those who need my strengths couldn't recognize their own need. I.e., It wasn't my powers to improve their lives which went unrecognized. Just the proverbial case of "a prophet being dishonored in his home town.").

I'm not saying that your realization of your condition is false. I'm just asking if you ever ask yourself questions like that? How do you know the grandness of your revelation isn't a product of the traits which have been revealed to you? Why isn't it as simple as "I was lost in mental illness, and now I see it?"

After I posted my reply to you last night, I saw this video and it reminded me of what I'm getting at:

SLC - The Oprah Winfrey "Reality Tunnel" (The Idealized Ego, "The Beautiful Soul").


Warning: He uses needlessly vulgar language. Some people dislike him because he can be rough, maybe not as good as he fancies himself. But, knowing my traits, I try to take what I can where I can without letting the person's flaws be the problem.

Livinginmyhead wrote:A interesting article and video on the nature of ego, how the ego evolved, and how dissolution of the ego is the next stage of evolution.

I was thinking about this a couple days ago when you first posted it. Are you referring to the Ego as defined by psychology? Because, I believe that's the Agent/Mediator-self. I think dissolving that would be the wrong way to go.

What caused me to reply: I was watching another video by mr. potty mouth about Ego in the sense of Zen philosophy. He could be entirely wrong about this. But, he said what Zen refers to as the ego is actually two components, and "destroying the Ego" means to destroy "the masturbation of" the Ego.

He gets pretty animated about it, as if people are really trying to destroy their Ego (sense of self). I wondered what you thought?