Definition, Causes, Symptoms & Treatment

I dislike where this thread went, but some questions were asked 6 months ago with no answers, and since it's stickied.....

Rameylane wrote:I read that one cause of Narcisism is childhood sexual abuse.

The primary theory is that NPD is caused by childhood abuse and/or neglect, but not specifically "sexual". But for you personally, what you need to do is remove yourself from your toxic mother's influence. It's really irrelevant what specific problem she has, in terms of your health and safety.

Narcs Mother wrote:Hi, I am a newbie, but so thankful I found this website. My daughter displays every single symptom of NPD - I am having a terrible time even communicating with her, in fact, I nearly have an anxiety attack even thinking about having to even talk with her.

There is no way to diagnose your daughter based on behavioral descriptions. You should probably talk to a therapist to help with your anxiety, and they'll be able to give you practical information on how to deal with her. (To be honest, she sounds like a lot of different things to me, not NPD, just an addict.) Good luck though.

Do you think that frequent meditation could help alleviate a narcissism or is that narcissistic in itself?

Narci wrote:Do you think that frequent meditation could help alleviate a narcissism or is that narcissistic in itself?

I am deeply engaged in understanding and dealing with my pathological narcissism.

Over the past 10 years I have studied and practiced Buddhism in the Therevada tradition, which emphasizes mindful living. It also includes Vipassana meditation. It is not a religious practice - which matches nicely with the fact that I am also an atheist.

After glancing at a few short Buddhist passages for the first time since full realization and acceptance of my disorder, I became acutely aware of something... For the past 10 years my study of Buddhism has been an entirely intellectual exercise. It may have even helped me feel UNIQUE and SPECIAL in some way. It may indeed have fed my narcissism...

However, I also believe that these past 10 years have contributed ENORMOUSLY to my ability to finally open up and accept the truth of my world... Because of my studies I also feel that I have a lot of the tools I already need to meet this thing head on - I just haven't really been using them up until now.

I'm still not quite yet in the 'groove' of getting my actual practice back in place, but I strongly believe that the mindfulness orientation of my practice is absolutely ESSENTIAL to my healing process...

If I can recenter my meditation practice to stay true to my inner self instead of allowing it to be overtaken by my false self - and aggrandized as 'achieving enlightenment', then I think it will be a healthy practice that allows me to dissolve the boundaries between false self, true self, and no self.

In essence, I would suggest that ones innermost motivations are what will ultimately determine the outcome of a given meditative practice...

In essence, I would suggest that ones innermost motivations are what will ultimately determine the outcome of a given meditative practice...

A religion called " Cutting Through the BullSh1t" would not gain any followers, albeit it works better than any other I have come across.

I think that meditation as a practice can help to alleviate symptoms, but it wont, unfortunately, change the underlying personality structure.

Stillface wrote:I think that meditation as a practice can help to alleviate symptoms, but it wont, unfortunately, change the underlying personality structure.

I looked at that guy's blog, which is listed in his signature (a mod made me remove the link to mine ). He claims to have healed himself using this form of meditation. I can't say if he was or not, but I'm skeptical. Who knows though? He stopped writing in his blog immediately after that.

Livinginmyhead got a lot of flak on here before you came on 3cats. He said he came down from 32 on the NPI to 13 in the space of 8 months. Esquire likened him to David Icke and I told him he'd made himself codependent by using Buddhist techniques. He may even be schizophrenic?

How long can a narcissist 'cover' their problems?

I only discovered my ex was a narcissist after I made a confession to her that really hurt her and her ego (no I did not cheat on her) which was about 8 months into the relationship. She was in love with me and I was the prize so maybe this is why she lasted so long. Other boyfriends I know she became dissatisfied with at around the 6 months mark but as they hadn't done anything wrong and she couldn't 'punish' them, she would just split up with them. I dont know if she was ever controlling, nasty or power hungry with previous boyfriends - obvisouly she would never tell me that. She is 28 now though and claims she is perfectly normal now, and maybe she has grown out of this quickly getting bored phase?

greavesy1984 wrote:How long can a narcissist 'cover' their problems?

I only discovered my ex was a narcissist after I made a confession to her that really hurt her and her ego (no I did not cheat on her) which was about 8 months into the relationship. She was in love with me and I was the prize so maybe this is why she lasted so long. Other boyfriends I know she became dissatisfied with at around the 6 months mark but as they hadn't done anything wrong and she couldn't 'punish' them, she would just split up with them. I dont know if she was ever controlling, nasty or power hungry with previous boyfriends - obvisouly she would never tell me that. She is 28 now though and claims she is perfectly normal now, and maybe she has grown out of this quickly getting bored phase?

My last relationship lasted 5-6 years and only by the end I stopped 'covering' my problems. That is, to put it into a more english phrase, I started to behave in toxic ways.

The view to which you refer in your post is based on some mythical theory of narcissism created by social media which has not much to do with reality. That narcissists cannot last in a relationship for longer than a few months, because they can't stand covering their problems...

Unfortunately, I can relate to a different part of your post - when my partner is so good that I cannot punish him for anything, I seek different ways for destroying a relationship. Last time that happened, I cheated. This is, of course, a huge simplification, but I admit, and my ex pointed it out to me - it looks almost like I needed something to destroy us, and since he didn't provide any reason, I created one.

Zuz - my ex has always got bored of relationships very fast - a man eater! Her longest relationship was with me (on and off for 4 years - but many many troubles) before me, 2 years with a guy who was the nicest guy in the world and she had no reason to end it with him.

Her first big wobble with me came after 6 months when she thought I had been asking other girls out whilst I was with her. She basically managed to (as she always does) completely twist something that was said into meaning something else.

It makes me wonder how long it takes her to 'crack' like this and start being toxic.

She has got into a weekend only relationship now - which barely makes any sense to me - she's official with him (which is a very big thing for her and it has happened ridiculously quickly) she has trust issues, likes guys living with her (never her with them as its a loss of control), gets bored easily, I've asked her if she loves him to which she replied "I like him, a lot and I can really see it going somewhere", (where? its a weekend only relationship, kids? marriage? how?) has used rubbish excuses to email me at work but has covered it up with just being about work. I'm just hoping it fails as she doesn't deserve happiness before me. From what I can tell he is a really nice guy which means she will get bored eventually once all the fancy dates start drying up.