NPD men in relationships with BPD women

Narcs Hoover all cluster bs Hoover.its what we do, that's why a relationship with a Npd/bpd can be never ending if the partner lets them back in to go through the same cycle afain.

I agree with reflection. That's our trump card. We'll hurt ourselves and are willing to risk being abandoned if there's a game to be played and I have to win. I will destroy the Npd even if it means destroying myself in the process because that will give me a bitter satisfaction. Not doing so will make me feel helpless. I try to stop the $#%^ from hiring the fans these days so I walk away...picking my battles.

Here's a question? Wouldn't a bpd cause too much narc injury because of her splitting? If she had a distorted view of you that not only shatters entitlement but smears the image with a layer of goo, why stay? Or come back? I'm just curious as to how he's reacting after I called him out on his activities not in an angry way but a matter of fact one. He knows I do all this stuff to him but sticks around. I'm starting to think I can do anything as long as I give him attention,

You makes some goo points pennylanes, but I'll answer your question. The Narc doesn't really care too much about your opinion or calling him out. At most he is possed about not getting the attention. But his image is so carefully crafted and protected your ONE opinion is. It going to make or break his universe.

What you need to understand is this. If you think he is hanging around you and sticking around you, and outing up with attitude because he loves and needs you you could not be more naive or Diluted. I am not saying you are so don't take that as an insult. What I am saying is if you think he doesn't have 2 or more other women (or men) falling over him at the time he is playing with you, you are dead wrong. The narc will always have his backup sources if supply. When you fail to give him the attention and worship he requires, HE WILL get it from someone else, and I promise you Henie already. This is not about YOU & HIM, it's about HIM. He will discard you or anyone without emotion or notice and move in as though he never knew you. That's part of their MO. He will only engage you again if he thinks he is getting supply. You and everyone in his life is an expendable and replaceable resoure. He does not love you he loves his drug and you are ONE of his dealers. If fail to get him his fix, he'll go to another dealer, after all he had several. If he doesn't.... He ain't a narc. More over this is the
Very reason BPD love narcs. Because it's a constant chase.

-- Mon May 12, 2014 9:12 am --

Also, from what I have seen, narcs always have their main source of supply, the one person they profess to be their girlfriend or wife in paper. Everyone else is the backup. From what I have read in your posts it sounds like you fit more into the backup category. Hes likely had a girlfriend from day one that you never knew about. He just moves between his sources as he sees fit. Whatever emotions he is expressing to you, they are contrived and fake. Pantomime so that he will get his way. Clever little f@ckers when you think about it lol

synthetic emotion wrote:You makes some goo points pennylanes, but I'll answer your question. The Narc doesn't really care too much about your opinion or calling him out. At most he is possed about not getting the attention. But his image is so carefully crafted and protected your ONE opinion is. It going to make or break his universe.

What you need to understand is this. If you think he is hanging around you and sticking around you, and outing up with attitude because he loves and needs you you could not be more naive or Diluted. I am not saying you are so don't take that as an insult. What I am saying is if you think he doesn't have 2 or more other women (or men) falling over him at the time he is playing with you, you are dead wrong. The narc will always have his backup sources if supply. When you fail to give him the attention and worship he requires, HE WILL get it from someone else, and I promise you Henie already. This is not about YOU & HIM, it's about HIM. He will discard you or anyone without emotion or notice and move in as though he never knew you. That's part of their MO. He will only engage you again if he thinks he is getting supply. You and everyone in his life is an expendable and replaceable resoure. He does not love you he loves his drug and you are ONE of his dealers. If fail to get him his fix, he'll go to another dealer, after all he had several. If he doesn't.... He ain't a narc. More over this is the
Very reason BPD love narcs. Because it's a constant chase.

-- Mon May 12, 2014 9:12 am --

Also, from what I have seen, narcs always have their main source of supply, the one person they profess to be their girlfriend or wife in paper. Everyone else is the backup. From what I have read in your posts it sounds like you fit more into the backup category. Hes likely had a girlfriend from day one that you never knew about. He just moves between his sources as he sees fit. Whatever emotions he is expressing to you, they are contrived and fake. Pantomime so that he will get his way. Clever little f@ckers when you think about it lol

I think you're projecting a lot of yourself and generalzing. I didn't talk to him for six months or see him for eight. I caused him enough he'll I think he became a recluse started wearing sweat pants and didn't level the house. I'm not in love with the guy I'm just trying to make sense of te relationship so I can avoid anything like this in the future instead of sweeping it under the rug. He's still in love with his ex and as for his main girlfriend I don't think he has one an as to why it's too personal and revealing to put on this site. You're making the intellectual mistake of assuming everyone pd or not are the same. Like all bpds are these whining lonely desperate self destructive masochistic beigd prey for predators to destroy. I feel sorry for the woman you were involved with, she sounds like she must have been brutally abused to put up with a aspd. That's a severe lack of boundaries. Just hearing you talk repulses me, so does harkness.

I don't think he's that bad.

This is what I've noticed mostly about the magliamt strains of cluster bs ...they really don't have any real idea of what humans are like. They're like the high school
Kid who sits there and watches someone for ten minutes and decided that they're this or this but you can't predict every outcome or see possibility. That's the arrogance and fear of the world that's exhibited. You don't understand the world realt but have such a fear of a loss of control you desperately try to define and construct things...lies generalizations and biases that just aren't true. Delusions. You can't control a person unless they're really ###$ up and if they're that damage then it has very little to do with the abuser.

I hate being ignored that's it. If someone sought to destroy me or I get the sense their intentions aren't good I cut them off.

No self projections, I'm ASpd, not narc. My posts are based on my experiences with narcs and observing them in person (family) and communicating with them here. Contact Harkness, he will resound a lot of what I am saying.
Also, you man you are describing is not a narc.... Not in any way. If what you are representing about him is true this is just a normal guy (non) that was unlucky enough to fall into a relationship with a BPD. I am not you or him so all I have to go off of is what you say. So if what you say is so, he is the furthest thing from a narc. A narc is only invested in ANYONE to the extent he get his supply. The minute it's gone, he discards that person and moves on without remorse. If this guy is sulking over you and has becomes a recluse... He is no narc. At best you might piss him off for a week or two before he's moved on. You need to think of him as a drug addict of sorts. If the drug addicts dealer disappears, do you think he is it's going to sit around and cry about his lost drug dealer.... NO! He is going to be out there scoring drugs from another dealer in a matter of hours. The dealer is unimportant, it's the drug that the addict cares about. That's not self projection.... That's life. Such is the life of the narc. A constant pursuit of supply. Not unlike the BPD in a lot of ways, difference is the narc can walk away like nothing, the BPD chases. It's the polarities that draw the two together. The narc ignores the BPD chases. This guy is no narc. Harkness.... Thoughts?

synthetic emotion wrote:No self projections, I'm ASpd, not narc. My posts are based on my experiences with narcs and observing them in person (family) and communicating with them here. Contact Harkness, he will resound a lot of what I am saying.
Also, you man you are describing is not a narc.... Not in any way. If what you are representing about him is true this is just a normal guy (non) that was unlucky enough to fall into a relationship with a BPD. I am not you or him so all I have to go off of is what you say. So if what you say is so, he is the furthest thing from a narc. A narc is only invested in ANYONE to the extent he get his supply. The minute it's gone, he discards that person and moves on without remorse. If this guy is sulking over you and has becomes a recluse... He is no narc. At best you might piss him off for a week or two before he's moved on. You need to think of him as a drug addict of sorts. If the drug addicts dealer disappears, do you think he is it's going to sit around and cry about his lost drug dealer.... NO! He is going to be out there scoring drugs from another dealer in a matter of hours. The dealer is unimportant, it's the drug that the addict cares about. That's not self projection.... That's life. Such is the life of the narc. A constant pursuit of supply. Not unlike the BPD in a lot of ways, difference is the narc can walk away like nothing, the BPD chases. It's the polarities that draw the two together. The narc ignores the BPD chases. This guy is no narc. Harkness.... Thoughts?

Harkness wants nothing but his bpd to come back. He yearns for her and can't let go.

Oh he's off looking for new supply, within hours. That's besides te point.

the narc can walk away like nothing

After the first discarding and ST and many attempts from my behalf to at least see me and talk to me he would finally agree to meet. We met and he was all cheerful like nothing ever happened. I tried to follow along and play it cool even though I was feeling so much devastation by his devaluing and discarding and by my attempts to understand what was happening and to moderate my emotions.
But I would forget about everything. He was there with me, this was my second chance to make things right between us, but to my disheartening disappointment I was just a stop by to some other appointment he had with friends.
So I would confront him about it. 'You ignored me and haven't talked to me in weeks and now you agreed to meet with me you won't even stay for a full hour and you are leaving? If this is how you are going to be then leave and don't you ever come back (I never actually meant that)'
But his response.. I can't forget the smirk on his face, and very calmly he would just say 'be careful what you wish for because I don't really care about coming back'. Feeling so superior and smiling right in front of me, so proud that he knowingly at that very moment teared me apart.
And then I would chase, I would beg, I would be devastated while he would simply just go out partying.
I've never felt the desperation so intensely, I was a flood of emotions and I would show it to him, now I know that he was enjoying this dramatic display of so many mixed emotions and he wouldn't give an end.
I was begging for an ending, I couldn't control myself, but he would not give it.

Now this is the only thing I cannot forgive to his behavior. He knew I was super sensitive and he would just provoke all the chaos with the most subtle way. I was hurting for real and him causing this to me made him feel so powerful. It sucks to be the B in these situations..

-- Mon May 12, 2014 9:58 pm --

Pennylanes1 wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:No self projections, I'm ASpd, not narc. My posts are based on my experiences with narcs and observing them in person (family) and communicating with them here. Contact Harkness, he will resound a lot of what I am saying.
Also, you man you are describing is not a narc.... Not in any way. If what you are representing about him is true this is just a normal guy (non) that was unlucky enough to fall into a relationship with a BPD. I am not you or him so all I have to go off of is what you say. So if what you say is so, he is the furthest thing from a narc. A narc is only invested in ANYONE to the extent he get his supply. The minute it's gone, he discards that person and moves on without remorse. If this guy is sulking over you and has becomes a recluse... He is no narc. At best you might piss him off for a week or two before he's moved on. You need to think of him as a drug addict of sorts. If the drug addicts dealer disappears, do you think he is it's going to sit around and cry about his lost drug dealer.... NO! He is going to be out there scoring drugs from another dealer in a matter of hours. The dealer is unimportant, it's the drug that the addict cares about. That's not self projection.... That's life. Such is the life of the narc. A constant pursuit of supply. Not unlike the BPD in a lot of ways, difference is the narc can walk away like nothing, the BPD chases. It's the polarities that draw the two together. The narc ignores the BPD chases. This guy is no narc. Harkness.... Thoughts?

Harkness wants nothing but his bpd to come back. He yearns for her and can't let go.

Oh he's off looking for new supply, within hours. That's besides te point.

I wish my N would yearn for me as well. I wasn't going to leave him, but he pushed me away to the point of no return. Now that I think of it, I only left because this is what I thought he wanted from me to do.

A narc will become a recluse if a large enough narc injury has occurred, a public humiliation. It's when their false image fails and they lose most if not all thier sources of supply- a major financial loss or illness- a moment when they realise that that their grandiose fantasy isn't going to come true. The cracks in the mirror are showing. They do chase if the object discards them before they have completely devalued the object or if it is a long term source. They can't be ignored and will seek that validation or the reconquerjng of what is rightfully theirs. In their heads. That's why hpds Nd bpds hold appeal to to the Npd, they can brutally discard just as well.

I know your bpd couldn't let go but she sounds really damaged. Bpd exists on a spectrum. I can leave a partner without a replacement and have. Not always but more than not, I know I am more unique in this aspect.

You're generalizing. My dad is a severe narc. I know how they work. In fact I recently cut off my narc father, he kept on calling and then started obsessively trying to be a good dad. Weird. But I was done. I was thankfully loved by someone once so I know when to say f you I'm done and walk. My psychiatrist once told me and this is Comforting that people who seek therapy were loved ove by someone because they wouldn't know otherwise what they were missing.

Not my parents obvs

Someone loved me and that's why I'll be ok.

Read sub_missings post.... Beautifully illustrated. That's is text book. Thanks for sharing that sub_missing, I could not have demonstrated an better example. BTW pennylanes it sounds like you have been reading Sam Vaknin on narcissism. Good stuff. I am not sure what edification you are looking for here. If you are trying to best or best the narc or just understand his mind set? They are what they are. He gave you something and you gave him something. Really when all is said and done the Narc gets the better end of the deal. Sub_missing, what do you think? You are more qualified than most to comment on pennys post.

synthetic emotion wrote:No self projections, I'm ASpd, not narc. My posts are based on my experiences with narcs and observing them in person (family) and communicating with them here. Contact Harkness, he will resound a lot of what I am saying.
Also, you man you are describing is not a narc.... Not in any way. If what you are representing about him is true this is just a normal guy (non) that was unlucky enough to fall into a relationship with a BPD. I am not you or him so all I have to go off of is what you say. So if what you say is so, he is the furthest thing from a narc. A narc is only invested in ANYONE to the extent he get his supply. The minute it's gone, he discards that person and moves on without remorse. If this guy is sulking over you and has becomes a recluse... He is no narc. At best you might piss him off for a week or two before he's moved on. You need to think of him as a drug addict of sorts. If the drug addicts dealer disappears, do you think he is it's going to sit around and cry about his lost drug dealer.... NO! He is going to be out there scoring drugs from another dealer in a matter of hours. The dealer is unimportant, it's the drug that the addict cares about. That's not self projection.... That's life. Such is the life of the narc. A constant pursuit of supply. Not unlike the BPD in a lot of ways, difference is the narc can walk away like nothing, the BPD chases. It's the polarities that draw the two together. The narc ignores the BPD chases. This guy is no narc. Harkness.... Thoughts?

I always have backup options. Entering a relationship without them seems foolish to me. I don't cheat, but my eggs are never all in one basket.

I can walk away very easily. In some cases I come back to "hoover" and in some cases I wait for them to do it. But I never go without.