NPD men in relationships with BPD women

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness wrote:My relationship with my ex was a paradox. We had something in common on a very deep level, yet we were miles apart. The issue of dominance was a problem for us because each of us were used to being the dominant partner in a relationship and neither of us were willing to step down. I think she was used to being with weaker men. She did submit to my authority, but reluctantly. And when things didn't go her way she threw tantrums like a child.

The upshot is that we were always in a power struggle; always playing games. It's hard to have a relationship like that.

Harkness,

Came across this, and I am sure many of you have as well:
http://gettinbetter.com/dance.html

"In truth, the Narcissist is no match for the Borderline. It doesn't matter how smart or powerful he is, she'll turn his world upside-down to where he could lose his entire fortune, acquire a serious disease, and become a shadow of his former self. The Narcissist's grandiosity works against him in this type of coupling, because he has an unquenchable need to win, due to self-worth issues. He won't let himself be one-upped by anyone, but the Borderline is always better at this game than he is. As he cannot tolerate this loss of control, he'll literally fight to the death to maintain it--never realizing what he's losing/giving up, while highly focused on surmounting this challenge."

This seems counter intuitive to me as the NPD is the taker (correct me if I am wrong) and the BPD is the giver. Moreover from the posts I have read on the BPD board it seems the narc come out like bandits in this situation? Almost like a food chain.... Narc prey on borberlines? I am trying to understand the power dynamic if there is any disernsble balance of power at all

synthetic emotion wrote:Just curious what experience the NPD men on this board have in being in relationships with BPD women. He long did it last? Who was the dominant partner? Who controlled the relationship dynamic? What was the attraction? How and why did it end, etc? Lets hear it!

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:
Another thing that served me well is that I completely kept her separate from my personal life. What little she knew about me was fabricated. She never had any recourse to chase me down. When I walked away I ceased to exist. Upon retrospect that probably fed into the abandonment thing which honestly was unintentional on my part. I just did it make sure this person had not access to me. Access was only one way. Honestly it was a safe call. Any others with similar experiences?

I did the exact same thing! She still knows almost nothing of substance about me, and I gave her only basic contact info. When I changed my number I didn't give it to her. We never spent time at my place. She has no ability to chase me down.

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, that's exactly the kind of contrast I was hoping to hear. Please share more. Are you BPD, and please elaborate on how the N was destructive to you?

synthetic emotion wrote:
Harkness,

Is your relationship still going?

anxietykiller wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, that's exactly the kind of contrast I was hoping to hear. Please share more. Are you BPD, and please elaborate on how the N was destructive to you?

Yes I have BPD. He love bombed me, accepted the real me and not the image, told me everything I wanted to hear, then ran off with another woman he was seeing the whole time that I didn't really know about. This running from me happened about 2 days after the first time we had sex. When I confronted him about the inconsistency between his words and his actions he said "I don't know what to tell you". He was the first person I was completely honest with about who I was and my past indiscretions. He told everyone the things I had told him in confidence. He was manipulative, and made people think I was the malevolent one. To top it all off, he lied about his divorce. So, in my borderline rage, I went bananas. Haven't spoken to him since.

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:
Harkness,

Is your relationship still going?

We got back together recently and it ended almost as soon as it started. I wont be taking her back again. No hard feelings, there's just nothing there I want.

synthetic emotion wrote:

anxietykiller wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, that's exactly the kind of contrast I was hoping to hear. Please share more. Are you BPD, and please elaborate on how the N was destructive to you?

Yes I have BPD. He love bombed me, accepted the real me and not the image, told me everything I wanted to hear, then ran off with another woman he was seeing the whole time that I didn't really know about. This running from me happened about 2 days after the first time we had sex. When I confronted him about the inconsistency between his words and his actions he said "I don't know what to tell you". He was the first person I was completely honest with about who I was and my past indiscretions. He told everyone the things I had told him in confidence. He was manipulative, and made people think I was the malevolent one. To top it all off, he lied about his divorce. So, in my borderline rage, I went bananas. Haven't spoken to him since.

I'm sorry to hear how that played out. Based on what you said I might not call what you did a "borderline rage".... More like justifiable anger. So this guy is still married, seeing you, AND seeing another woman? I'm not any expert on N's but from what I've read it sounds legit. Do you strongly believe he is NPD? How did you turn his world upside down?

-- Tue Dec 24, 2013 11:21 am --

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:
Harkness,

Is your relationship still going?

We got back together recently and it ended almost as soon as it started. I wont be taking her back again. No hard feelings, there's just nothing there I want.

Harkness,

I'm guessing you are the one who walked away? What was the straw that broke the camels back?