NPD men in relationships with BPD women

Just curious what experience the NPD men on this board have in being in relationships with BPD women. He long did it last? Who was the dominant partner? Who controlled the relationship dynamic? What was the attraction? How and why did it end, etc? Lets hear it!

It's the most addictive thing I've ever felt in my life.

VirginiaEsquire wrote:It's the most addictive thing I've ever felt in my life.

Please elaborate? How did it end? Who ended it? I am assuming by your signature that you are a cerebral narc?

-- Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:30 pm --

VirginiaEsquire wrote:It's the most addictive thing I've ever felt in my life.

Also, what made it so addictive? Was it the supply, the sex, the heightened emotional reactions?

synthetic emotion wrote:Please elaborate? How did it end? Who ended it? I am assuming by your signature that you are a cerebral narc?

...

Also, what made it so addictive? Was it the supply, the sex, the heightened emotional reactions?

Yes I believe I am a Cerebral NPD (self-diagnosed), probably with some other PD traits mixed in for good measure.

I only had one BPD girlfriend (diagnosed BPD) but I had a coworker who I now believe was BPD/HPD hybrid, who I was madly infatuated with, and I've been close to other BPD women as well.

There is a pull to these women that I don't experience with other women. They pull emotions out of me. That's what it feels like. That they reach inside me and pull out emotions that are usually safely locked away in the Pandora's Box that is my psyche. That provides me with massive highs and lows, like a drug. Hence the addictive nature of these relationships. The sex is really an afterthought for me. The attraction is psychosexual. It's a sexual attraction that's psychologically-based.

If your re a cerebral narc then I understand what you mean about the sex being an afterthought. I the on relationship you have, and I hope I'm not prying, but can you share the relationship dynamic? Who was in control and drove the narrative? How did it end?

synthetic emotion wrote:If your re a cerebral narc then I understand what you mean about the sex being an afterthought. I the on relationship you have, and I hope I'm not prying, but can you share the relationship dynamic? Who was in control and drove the narrative? How did it end?

Control was always passing back and forth. Everyone has control and no one does. It varies. That's the whole reason these relationships have such highs and lows and are so volatile. It started with sex on the first date, which supplied me because it confirmed that I deserved such special treatment. Ended with me breaking up with her after a few months, definitely wasn't an amicable breakup. We were young. Not self aware. Prone to letting our worst sides show.

VirginiaEsquire wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:If your re a cerebral narc then I understand what you mean about the sex being an afterthought. I the on relationship you have, and I hope I'm not prying, but can you share the relationship dynamic? Who was in control and drove the narrative? How did it end?

Control was always passing back and forth. Everyone has control and no one does. It varies. That's the whole reason these relationships have such highs and lows and are so volatile. It started with sex on the first date, which supplied me because it confirmed that I deserved such special treatment. Ended with me breaking up with her after a few months, definitely wasn't an amicable breakup. We were young. Not self aware. Prone to letting our worst sides show.

What was the straw that broke the camels back? As a BPD, did she ever try to recycle you?

synthetic emotion wrote:

VirginiaEsquire wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:If your re a cerebral narc then I understand what you mean about the sex being an afterthought. I the on relationship you have, and I hope I'm not prying, but can you share the relationship dynamic? Who was in control and drove the narrative? How did it end?

Control was always passing back and forth. Everyone has control and no one does. It varies. That's the whole reason these relationships have such highs and lows and are so volatile. It started with sex on the first date, which supplied me because it confirmed that I deserved such special treatment. Ended with me breaking up with her after a few months, definitely wasn't an amicable breakup. We were young. Not self aware. Prone to letting our worst sides show.

What was the straw that broke the camels back? As a BPD, did she ever try to recycle you?

I didn't know how to disarm her defenses at the time. Plus she was the wrong personality type for me. If she had been the right personality type in terms of temperament, etc, it might have lasted longer. We have tried to recycle each other but have never gone through with it.

That's interesting. From what I have read in the BPD forums it is the NPD's that drive the narrative of the relationship. The BPD needs the NPD to love them back and the NPD feels they deserve the love regardless. The NPD remains emotionally distant, and so the BPD acts out to "test" them. The NPD could care less as long as he's receiving his tribute and so he walks away. The BPD gives chase and then pays him his tribute.... And so goes the cycled of the dance. Does that ring true to you?

synthetic emotion wrote:That's interesting. From what I have read in the BPD forums it is the NPD's that drive the narrative of the relationship. The BPD needs the NPD to love them back and the NPD feels they deserve the love regardless. The NPD remains emotionally distant, and so the BPD acts out to "test" them. The NPD could care less as long as he's receiving his tribute and so he walks away. The BPD gives chase and then pays him his tribute.... And so goes the cycled of the dance. Does that ring true to you?

Well that's the textbook "NPDs are bad" version, but let me provide how we feel. Yes the NPD has a hard time showing love or letting someone in emotionally. When the BPD feels unloved and pulls, the NPD feels controlled and pushes. When the BPD feels rejected and pushes, the NPD feels hurt and distances, or ignores. The NPD isn't doing these things to be mean. The NPD is triggered as well by fear of being controlled or by fear of being rejected or hurt for opening up. Opening up is hard enough for the NPD that when the NPD does open up and starts to get hurt a little bit, the NPD feels that he was right all along to have those psychological defenses in place.