NPD men in relationships with BPD women

Harkness wrote:

purple tulips wrote:

Harkness, I would like to know..when you or any Narc does not act humanely during an interaction with a lover, why is there such shock when the lover cuts all ties and goes NC?

I don't understand the question.

Unless I missed the mark...I think It's a shot at N's? She is asking why N's are shocked when their partners cut them off after the N's treat then like sh*t? I wanted to answer but I'm not an N. There is a lot of speculation in that question about N's.

synthetic emotion wrote:
Unless I missed the mark...I think It's a shot at N's? She is asking why N's are shocked when their partners cut them off after the N's treat then like sh*t? I wanted to answer but I'm not an N. There is a lot of speculation in that question about N's.

Are they 'shocked?'

Getting treated like sh*t is a two-way street: some nons get what they deserve.

How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

purple tulips wrote:How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

I don't understand you.
Looks like legitimate answer to me. Honest.

Also: the assumption of 'not acting humanly' is kinda triggering, would you agree?
I have seen BPD 'in action' on this forum yesterday. I also witnessed the rage when person diagnosed with BPD attacked another person purely based on displaces anger, and out of nowhere.
The more I think of that the more I realize that the question is, in fact, stupid. Just something that would trigger the appropriate reaction of others.
Wondering if this could be defined as passive-aggressive.

purple tulips wrote:How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

Purple,

I didn't mean to instigate anything so I apologize if you feel that way. You must admit you question was a loaded one. You ask when Narce DO NOT ACT HUMANE. Again I am not N but I would think that's a broad generalization. Even more so to say that they all feel shocked.

I am going to take a crack at your question based on limited knowledge I have gleaned from the boards. If they do act shocked its because the nature of the NPD is based on "grandiose" self projection (or so I've read). If someone were to cut them off they would perceive it as a slight, an insult, as in "how dare they, I am so and so". It's not that they are shocked by the idividual who left them, in fact I'd guess it has nothing to do with their partner at all. The shock that you think you are seeing is the narcs condition playing itself out and expressing disbelief that someone else could possibly do such a thing by cutting them off. I don't think that the narcs lover is terribly important to them, simply a source of "supply". When that lover becomes aware and cuts them off, the narc isn't mad at the lover but more so the fact that they lost a resource. I think you are putting too much emphasis in the lover and not enough in the condition. For the narc, everyone is replaceable... And very easily so.

That is my best guess based on what I've been reading so please don't hold me to that. I am not an N so if Harkness or anyone else wants to chime in and correct me please do so.

VioletAasA wrote:

purple tulips wrote:How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

I don't understand you.
Looks like legitimate answer to me. Honest.

Also: the assumption of 'not acting humanly' is kinda triggering, would you agree?
I have seen BPD 'in action' on this forum yesterday. I also witnessed the rage when person diagnosed with BPD attacked another person purely based on displaces anger, and out of nowhere.
The more I think of that the more I realize that the question is, in fact, stupid. Just something that would trigger the appropriate reaction of others.
Wondering if this could be defined as passive-aggressive.

I had nothing to do with yesterday, but I saw/see how you like to start sh1t. I will not be a part of it. I was merely asking harkness a question since he stated he knows when he is acting inhumane. Has nothing to do with any attacks on character or anything and you jumping my sh1t for trying to further understand NPD and the thought processes will not intimidate me no matter how much you provoke me. Good day.

VioletAasA wrote:

purple tulips wrote:How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

I don't understand you.
Looks like legitimate answer to me. Honest.

Also: the assumption of 'not acting humanly' is kinda triggering, would you agree?
I have seen BPD 'in action' on this forum yesterday. I also witnessed the rage when person diagnosed with BPD attacked another person purely based on displaces anger, and out of nowhere.
The more I think of that the more I realize that the question is, in fact, stupid. Just something that would trigger the appropriate reaction of others.
Wondering if this could be defined as passive-aggressive.

VioletAasA,

I get a bit of passive-aggressivism in that question as well, but lets give here question the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure some narcs have done that. Perhaps the question was just phrased Inappropriately.

I appreciate your explanation, I was asking Harkness based on HIS thoughts only. Not to speak for all Narc's. Maybe I should have worded it differently. Its been my experience that when I go NC they think I am being unreasonable and cant fathom me not wanting anymore to do with them. So, I was asking is it possible they do know they were "inhumane" and just portraying as not having a clue?

VioletAasA wrote:

purple tulips wrote:How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

I don't understand you.
Looks like legitimate answer to me. Honest.

Also: the assumption of 'not acting humanly' is kinda triggering, would you agree?
I have seen BPD 'in action' on this forum yesterday. I also witnessed the rage when person diagnosed with BPD attacked another person purely based on displaces anger, and out of nowhere.
The more I think of that the more I realize that the question is, in fact, stupid. Just something that would trigger the appropriate reaction of others.
Wondering if this could be defined as passive-aggressive.

I don't know that Sach is BPD. She seems to be much more. I could be wrong. I would never see the use in harassing a group of random strangers simply because of their diagnosis, and I am BPD. I am BPD because of an N mom, and have dated plenty of N men. She was out there.

synthetic emotion wrote:

purple tulips wrote:How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

Purple,

I didn't mean to instigate anything so I apologize if you feel that way. You must admit you question was a loaded one. You ask when Narce DO NOT ACT HUMANE. Again I am not N but I would think that's a broad generalization. Even more so to say that they all feel shocked.

I am going to take a crack at your question based on limited knowledge I have gleaned from the boards. If they do act shocked its because the nature of the NPD is based on "grandiose" self projection (or so I've read). If someone were to cut them off they would perceive it as a slight, an insult, as in "how dare they, I am so and so". It's not that they are shocked by the idividual who left them, in fact I'd guess it has nothing to do with their partner at all. The shock that you think you are seeing is the narcs condition playing itself out and expressing disbelief that someone else could possibly do such a thing by cutting them off. I don't think that the narcs lover is terribly important to them, simply a source of "supply". When that lover becomes aware and cuts them off, the narc isn't mad at the lover but more so the fact that they lost a resource. I think you are putting too much emphasis in the lover and not enough in the condition. For the narc, everyone is replaceable... And very easily so.

That is my best guess based on what I've been reading so please don't hold me to that. I am not an N so if Harkness or anyone else wants to chime in and correct me please do so.

Many relationships fail because on a lack of self-awareness.
From both sides.
If purple is not aware how aggressive and judgmental her question on this forum is, what do you think her contribution to the failure of the relationship was.
Purple, I am not telling that this guy is OK and it was all your fault. I am pointing out how your question is aggressive and judgemental and you are not even aware of that.
From reading your posts by now, I expect that you will be able to understand what I am saying without discarding my response based on my diagnosis.
Otherwise, I wouldn't bother to type all of this.

-- Sun Dec 29, 2013 8:43 pm --

purple tulips wrote:

VioletAasA wrote:

purple tulips wrote:How instigating of you. There was no "shot" at narc's. It was a legitimate question.

I don't understand you.
Looks like legitimate answer to me. Honest.

Also: the assumption of 'not acting humanly' is kinda triggering, would you agree?
I have seen BPD 'in action' on this forum yesterday. I also witnessed the rage when person diagnosed with BPD attacked another person purely based on displaces anger, and out of nowhere.
The more I think of that the more I realize that the question is, in fact, stupid. Just something that would trigger the appropriate reaction of others.
Wondering if this could be defined as passive-aggressive.

I had nothing to do with yesterday, but I saw/see how you like to start sh1t. I will not be a part of it. I was merely asking harkness a question since he stated he knows when he is acting inhumane. Has nothing to do with any attacks on character or anything and you jumping my sh1t for trying to further understand NPD and the thought processes will not intimidate me no matter how much you provoke me. Good day.

Look at the first sentence on the top.
Who started the s..?
You didn't like the answer and you decided that I am starting the s...
I may have been overestimated you.