NPD men in relationships with BPD women

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:


Harkness,

I can see that. Did you go NC? What was her reaction? How long ago was it?

It's hard to gauge a reaction over text.

I don't do NC. I think it's a tool invented for people who don't trust themselves because of their strong emotions. They "go NC" in order to stay strong or maybe to get her to come back. For me, relationships are a business transaction; I only pay my time and attention if I like what I'm getting back. If I don't like the service, I find a new service provider. I have no emotional need for the NC method.

As cold as that sounds, I still care about her and wish her the best. She's special to me. But she just doesn't have what I want, and I have no further use for her. I'm not running a charity.

LoL... A man after my own heart, I like your POV Harkness. Is a good balance of emotion and distance and control. Have mixed feelings on the NC method though. Its usually that kind of passive aggressive tactic is used by the NPD's use.... I must admit I have found it useful myself now and again. I any case, why is it that you still have special feelings for her? I am kind of matching up what you and anxietykiller are saying and there seems to be a dichotomy emerging. I was under the Impression that the N's walked away unscathed and indifferent leaving the BPD's wanting and in rubble. But according to both you and anxietykiller even when you walk away both of you still have strong feelings for the other. My questions is... Do you think in both the NPD's and the BPD's mind that the other is always the partner that they reminisce about in their past as the one who truly understood them. The one that got away so to speak

Not after the idealization phase passes, I guess. I can detach after 6 months rather easy. Possibly because my relationships never last longer than a few months. Im sure if they lasted longer it would be harder. I am unsure about this last N, however. I shared very, very personal things with him. I showed him all of me. Not a fragmented version. I always withhold a little bit of myself by telling a lie. I create a false image. That way, if someone rejects me, they aren't rejecting the real me. They are rejecting a facade. It doesn't hurt as much.

synthetic emotion wrote:

LoL... A man after my own heart, I like your POV Harkness. Is a good balance of emotion and distance and control. Have mixed feelings on the NC method though. Its usually that kind of passive aggressive tactic is used by the NPD's use.... I must admit I have found it useful myself now and again. I any case, why is it that you still have special feelings for her? I am kind of matching up what you and anxietykiller are saying and there seems to be a dichotomy emerging. I was under the Impression that the N's walked away unscathed and indifferent leaving the BPD's wanting and in rubble. But according to both you and anxietykiller even when you walk away both of you still have strong feelings for the other. My questions is... Do you think in both the NPD's and the BPD's mind that the other is always the partner that they reminisce about in their past as the one who truly understood them. The one that got away so to speak

I do seem to walk away unscathed, but I still care about her in some way. I don't think the two things are incompatible. We had a connection that neither of us could get with normal (boring) people. I miss that. Yet typing this, I feel nothing.

Anxietykiller,

Is that idealization phase you are talking about with the N's or the Nons? How long did this last relationship last? What was it about him that made you bear your souls so openly to him? I assume there have been other N's in your life, what made this one different?

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:

LoL... A man after my own heart, I like your POV Harkness. Is a good balance of emotion and distance and control. Have mixed feelings on the NC method though. Its usually that kind of passive aggressive tactic is used by the NPD's use.... I must admit I have found it useful myself now and again. I any case, why is it that you still have special feelings for her? I am kind of matching up what you and anxietykiller are saying and there seems to be a dichotomy emerging. I was under the Impression that the N's walked away unscathed and indifferent leaving the BPD's wanting and in rubble. But according to both you and anxietykiller even when you walk away both of you still have strong feelings for the other. My questions is... Do you think in both the NPD's and the BPD's mind that the other is always the partner that they reminisce about in their past as the one who truly understood them. The one that got away so to speak

I do seem to walk away unscathed, but I still care about her in some way. I don't think the two things are incompatible. We had a connection that neither of us could get with normal (boring) people. I miss that. Yet typing this, I feel nothing.

Harkness,

Do you think it's over... You don't think she will try and recycle you? I would hazard a guess that if you are feeling this way about her than she had to be feeling it as much if not more. If you don't mind me asking Harknees, in the non boards I have read a lot about the attachment that comes from the BPD's sexuality. How much of that did you experience? Would you say it influenced your feelings about her?

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

Do you think it's over... You don't think she will try and recycle you? I would hazard a guess that if you are feeling this way about her than she had to be feeling it as much if not more. If you don't mind me asking Harknees, in the non boards I have read a lot about the attachment that comes from the BPD's sexuality. How much of that did you experience? Would you say it influenced your feelings about her?

It's over whether she likes it or not. I think the attachment was more about our deeper compatibility than her sexuality. I can get sex anywhere, but looking into her eyes was something different. It almost made me feel like I had a heart too.

As for her coming back, she'll be disappointed.

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

Do you think it's over... You don't think she will try and recycle you? I would hazard a guess that if you are feeling this way about her than she had to be feeling it as much if not more. If you don't mind me asking Harknees, in the non boards I have read a lot about the attachment that comes from the BPD's sexuality. How much of that did you experience? Would you say it influenced your feelings about her?

It's over whether she likes it or not. I think the attachment was more about our deeper compatibility than her sexuality. I can get sex anywhere, but looking into her eyes was something different. It almost made me feel like I had a heart too.

As for her coming back, she'll be disappointed.

Hmmmm.... sounds like you might have a heart buried under there.

The idealization on my side happens with Ns and nons. Nons usually run faster because its a red flag for them. Not Ns. My idealization is supply for them, and they idealize me in return, which for me is more security. Thats why our relationships last longer and they are more intense- because of our mutual idealization. I don't need to be worshipped, I just want to feel safe. This is also why I have a proclivity towards men with money, although this is not always the case; I want to feel secure financially as well. I also have no self image. No sense of self. Having a man fills a gaping hole in me, whether they are wealthy or not. They give me a purpose. Its sad.

There is a lot of attachment that comes from sex with us. I am very sexual and alluring. Its essentially my power. This is where my manipulation starts and ends. After the physical attraction, the non will want to peel back the layers. I feel like my allure in that regard is all I have. Eventually I will hit my 30s, my beauty will fade, and that is why I am trying to fill up the emptiness inside of me with an identity. I don't want my only quality to be looks and sex.

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

Do you think it's over... You don't think she will try and recycle you? I would hazard a guess that if you are feeling this way about her than she had to be feeling it as much if not more. If you don't mind me asking Harknees, in the non boards I have read a lot about the attachment that comes from the BPD's sexuality. How much of that did you experience? Would you say it influenced your feelings about her?

It's over whether she likes it or not. I think the attachment was more about our deeper compatibility than her sexuality. I can get sex anywhere, but looking into her eyes was something different. It almost made me feel like I had a heart too.

As for her coming back, she'll be disappointed.

Harkness,

Is that to say that she has tried or is still trying to Hoover you?

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

Is that to say that she has tried or is still trying to Hoover you?

I just recently ended things for the last time. We'll have to wait and see if she comes back.

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

Is that to say that she has tried or is still trying to Hoover you?

I just recently ended things for the last time. We'll have to wait and see if she comes back.

Intrigued... What's was the last communication like? When was the last contact?

synthetic emotion wrote:
Another thing that served me well is that I completely kept her separate from my personal life. What little she knew about me was fabricated. She never had any recourse to chase me down. When I walked away I ceased to exist. Upon retrospect that probably fed into the abandonment thing which honestly was unintentional on my part. I just did it make sure this person had not access to me. Access was only one way. Honestly it was a safe call. Any others with similar experiences?

Yes!
HE was the one doing that, not me..Or actually, now to think of, I was doing it too. For prorection.
Won't fully let anyone in my life, without some sort of trust.