NPD men in relationships with BPD women

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, do you find that in your life you are drawn to NPD men more than nons? Are you famiad with the term recycling? I am still learning the nomenclature. Are you more likely to go back to the NPD men or the Nons... Honestly?

Yes. I am drawn to them. I like the feeling of chasing what will never love me the way I need it to, unconsciously of course. Its a comfort thing. Goes back to the dynamic of my mother and I. Am I more likely to go back? I would hope not. I am really into my DBT and therapy right now, so I don't see myself in a serious relationship for a while. I am in relationships for the wrong reasons, generally. N or not. But yes, it would be easier for an N to get my attention.

anxietykiller wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, do you find that in your life you are drawn to NPD men more than nons? Are you famiad with the term recycling? I am still learning the nomenclature. Are you more likely to go back to the NPD men or the Nons... Honestly?

Yes. I am drawn to them. I like the feeling of chasing what will never love me the way I need it to, unconsciously of course. Its a comfort thing. Goes back to the dynamic of my mother and I. Am I more likely to go back? I would hope not. I am really into my DBT and therapy right now, so I don't see myself in a serious relationship for a while. I am in relationships for the wrong reasons, generally. N or not. But yes, it would be easier for an N to get my attention.

yet you think I'm malevolent

we could have fun

Pink01 wrote:

anxietykiller wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, do you find that in your life you are drawn to NPD men more than nons? Are you famiad with the term recycling? I am still learning the nomenclature. Are you more likely to go back to the NPD men or the Nons... Honestly?

Yes. I am drawn to them. I like the feeling of chasing what will never love me the way I need it to, unconsciously of course. Its a comfort thing. Goes back to the dynamic of my mother and I. Am I more likely to go back? I would hope not. I am really into my DBT and therapy right now, so I don't see myself in a serious relationship for a while. I am in relationships for the wrong reasons, generally. N or not. But yes, it would be easier for an N to get my attention.

yet you think I'm malevolent

we could have fun

I'm sure we would. I'll bring my pepper spray.

That makes no sense.

I'm sure we would. I'll bring my pepper spray.

great idea, give her a temporary blindness so that she couldnt see your face while you were doing your thing

noted down

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

I'm guessing you are the one who walked away? What was the straw that broke the camels back?

She flaked on some plans we made and it ticked me off. I'm finished with her.

anxietykiller wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, do you find that in your life you are drawn to NPD men more than nons? Are you famiad with the term recycling? I am still learning the nomenclature. Are you more likely to go back to the NPD men or the Nons... Honestly?

Yes. I am drawn to them. I like the feeling of chasing what will never love me the way I need it to, unconsciously of course. Its a comfort thing. Goes back to the dynamic of my mother and I. Am I more likely to go back? I would hope not. I am really into my DBT and therapy right now, so I don't see myself in a serious relationship for a while. I am in relationships for the wrong reasons, generally. N or not. But yes, it would be easier for an N to get my attention.

Anxietykiller,

When you are in these relationships with the N's are they emotionally distant and unsympathetic, an did so is that the draw? If you don't mind me asking, when it ends is it you who splits them and leaves or is it they who distance themselves and leave? I am still very curious about how you turned this N's world upside down that you mentioned in your first post.

-- Tue Dec 24, 2013 6:53 pm --

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

I'm guessing you are the one who walked away? What was the straw that broke the camels back?

She flaked on some plans we made and it ticked me off. I'm finished with her.

Harkness,

I can see that. Did you go NC? What was her reaction? How long ago was it?

synthetic emotion wrote:


Harkness,

I can see that. Did you go NC? What was her reaction? How long ago was it?

It's hard to gauge a reaction over text.

I don't do NC. I think it's a tool invented for people who don't trust themselves because of their strong emotions. They "go NC" in order to stay strong or maybe to get her to come back. For me, relationships are a business transaction; I only pay my time and attention if I like what I'm getting back. If I don't like the service, I find a new service provider. I have no emotional need for the NC method.

As cold as that sounds, I still care about her and wish her the best. She's special to me. But she just doesn't have what I want, and I have no further use for her. I'm not running a charity.

synthetic emotion wrote:

anxietykiller wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:Anxietykiller, do you find that in your life you are drawn to NPD men more than nons? Are you famiad with the term recycling? I am still learning the nomenclature. Are you more likely to go back to the NPD men or the Nons... Honestly?

Yes. I am drawn to them. I like the feeling of chasing what will never love me the way I need it to, unconsciously of course. Its a comfort thing. Goes back to the dynamic of my mother and I. Am I more likely to go back? I would hope not. I am really into my DBT and therapy right now, so I don't see myself in a serious relationship for a while. I am in relationships for the wrong reasons, generally. N or not. But yes, it would be easier for an N to get my attention.

Anxietykiller,

When you are in these relationships with the N's are they emotionally distant and unsympathetic, an did so is that the draw? If you don't mind me asking, when it ends is it you who splits them and leaves or is it they who distance themselves and leave? I am still very curious about how you turned this N's world upside down that you mentioned in your first post.

-- Tue Dec 24, 2013 6:53 pm --

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:

Harkness,

I'm guessing you are the one who walked away? What was the straw that broke the camels back?

She flaked on some plans we made and it ticked me off. I'm finished with her.

Harkness,

I can see that. Did you go NC? What was her reaction? How long ago was it?

The Ns are not cold and emotionally distant at first. In the beginning, they are a dream, the last one especially because I finally let him see my inner workings and I thought he had accepted it. I get hooked in the beginning. They love bomb me. I feel safe and secure. I get the protection I need so desperately. They give off an image of a strong sense of self, which is something I don't have. Their strength seems like something that can hold me up. The Ns that I date usually have some sort of public reputation they need to uphold. When they find out they can't control me or my emotions quite like they would like to, they leave. My weakness and hair trigger emotions are too risky to their self image. When they leave me, then I split on them and destroy any possibility of us reuniting.

Im actually quite embarrassed about what I did. You can message me and ask. It was bad. I feel bad.

Harkness wrote:

synthetic emotion wrote:


Harkness,

I can see that. Did you go NC? What was her reaction? How long ago was it?

It's hard to gauge a reaction over text.

I don't do NC. I think it's a tool invented for people who don't trust themselves because of their strong emotions. They "go NC" in order to stay strong or maybe to get her to come back. For me, relationships are a business transaction; I only pay my time and attention if I like what I'm getting back. If I don't like the service, I find a new service provider. I have no emotional need for the NC method.

As cold as that sounds, I still care about her and wish her the best. She's special to me. But she just doesn't have what I want, and I have no further use for her. I'm not running a charity.

LoL... A man after my own heart, I like your POV Harkness. Is a good balance of emotion and distance and control. Have mixed feelings on the NC method though. Its usually that kind of passive aggressive tactic is used by the NPD's use.... I must admit I have found it useful myself now and again. I any case, why is it that you still have special feelings for her? I am kind of matching up what you and anxietykiller are saying and there seems to be a dichotomy emerging. I was under the Impression that the N's walked away unscathed and indifferent leaving the BPD's wanting and in rubble. But according to both you and anxietykiller even when you walk away both of you still have strong feelings for the other. My questions is... Do you think in both the NPD's and the BPD's mind that the other is always the partner that they reminisce about in their past as the one who truly understood them. The one that got away so to speak