Difference between narcissism and NPD?

Great thank you!

In my situation pwHighNarcTraits is most fitting however possNarc is quicker!

I guess this comes from the innate human need to categorise, because this puts us at an evolutionary advantage. Helps us survive.
We like to see patterns.

For me it gives me the closure (almost) I would never get from my possNarc ex. For someone so critical of me (and others) it's the one thing he wouldn't say. Why I was not good enough for him to really be with.
Going through what I have for the past few years has been confusing and illogical. Which is funny as he valued logic so highly.
A reason for the pain helps me survive.

Esquire- My ex N would often complain how he was never validated by his parents growing up. If I started to validate him, he would often say I don't need your kudos. I think what you said was spot on.

He is also constantly in search of a better paying job regardles how much he makes. He said he gets bored at work and has to be challenged. The longest he has ever stayed at a job is 4 years. He's 52. Instability in all aspects of life from employment, finances, relationships is a good indicator. Looking at ones history is a good indicator of the future.

I guess I see PD as something that stays for very long if not life-long. Narcissism
On the other hand doesn't define the person as a PD would.

addx wrote:Lifelong inability to fathom or comprehend a truly selfless act of will as nothing other than stupidity/mistake/weakness.

Interesting. I am a new-boy here. I score fairly highly on the The Narcissistic Personality Inventory - 28, and have known for about six years that I am a Narc. I think it's more complicated than that. I regularly indulge in 'random acts of kindness' because I know what needs to be done, and do it, even though the recipient doesn't know me and often never meets me. I am not looking for their gratitude. I guess I just want to feel better about myself. To try to assuage the deep-seated feelings of worthlessness that are the flip-side of the condition. Whether this is because I have some hidden store of empathy, I don't know, but I hate to see people who are in real trouble and really want to help them.

This is completely at odds with the rest of my behaviour, which is classic Narc. Even at my worst, about ten years ago, I donated the entire proceeds of a substantial project to a charity for children, even though they would never know where the money came from. I am struggling to understand this condition, for my own sake, as well as that of the people closest to me. I have really damaged people in the past and I really don't want to do it any more. Soon after I knew what I was, I seriously contemplated taking my own life, to spare anyone else the grief of having to deal with me. I think I am in a better place now and helped considerably by the kindest and most understanding woman I have ever met, but I still revert to type occasionally and can be cruel and heartless. I have learned to recognise and apologise for my behaviour and can only hope that she continues to tolerate my worst excesses.

Xavier Onassis wrote: I think I am in a better place now and helped considerably by the kindest and most understanding woman I have ever met, but I still revert to type occasionally and can be cruel and heartless. I have learned to recognise and apologise for my behaviour and can only hope that she continues to tolerate my worst excesses.

That sounds hopeful and positive, and I think it bodes well for your future. I'm similar, still falling into narcissistic ways sometimes, but able to see it now, and drag myself out of it and apologise, like you. I also find myself sometimes being more helpful and generous than other people, even when no-one's watching, and like you I think it's partly to feel better about myself, but also that there may be genuine empathy there too.

I hope you're doing okay, and welcome to the forum.

Having "healthy narcissism" as opposed to "destructive narcissism" is my own goal. With that I can be emotionally healthy, and extremely prideful at the same time, but without ever putting someone else down.

To put it simply, narcissism is a trait that everyone has on a spectrum of low to high. NPD is a person who displays extreme and dysfunctional forms of narcissism and is defined in the DSM with specific criteria.

Anyone can be “Narcissistic” but what dictates having NPD is a pattern of traits that affect multiple facets of a persons life. NPD in and of itself is pretty rare and constitutes a variety of behaviors that span across a long period of time that are rigid, and resistant to change. Not all people with NPD are “BAD” per se but a lot of the traits that come along with this disorder are antisocial. Also having purely NPD on it’s own is rare. What you’re likely to see is someone with one particular personality structure with traits of other disorders. For example, someone with Borderline Personality Disorder can commonly be confused as having NPD if they come along with narcissistic traits. But what differentiates between someone with the former and latter is the core issues the person is dealing with. NPD’s are also confused with HPD’s due to attention seeking and self-centered behaviors but again the core issues are different. Someone who is NPD is usually more the calculated, controlling, and aloof type. They also are consistently grandiose and block out their issues through a lense that they are superior and that their specialness excludes any responsibility for their actions.

When I asked the psy why she thought my NPD was more severe than BPD, she said it's because BPD need people... Perhaps she meant they have a lot more attachment capacity.

-- Wed Jan 22, 2020 10:20 pm --

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:Someone who is NPD is usually more [...] controlling

Apart from being confirmed by a psychological test, another psy who interviewed me said I wanted to control everything. Did I stare into his eyes for too long without blinking?

number230000 wrote:When I asked the psy why she thought my NPD was more severe than BPD, she said it's because BPD need people...

I don't understand that statement. NPD people thrive on attention and require others for their own self-worth. I can't see how they would need people less; probably more.