A Multitude of self images in a lifetime

She sits quietly in the corner of the classroom, and idolizes the girl with the flowing hair and wistful manner. She admires the styles she wishes she had had the mind to put together herself. Jealousy ensues. She starts to dress like her, carry herself like her, talk like her. Finally she gets her hair done just like her. She gets a compliment. She is satisfied.

There is a dormant period. An intermission. Maybe when classes have ended, and she goes back to her solitary, isolated lifestyle. She is depressed, unmotivated. She finds a friend on facebook. Her friend starts posting artwork. She falls in love with the work-- it moves her. She just has to outdo her friend. She starts practicing, drawing (many of them copied from her friend), and posting them. When she finally starts getting compliments, she is happy.

This type of cycle repeats itself. Always, she wears the face, image, mannerisms of someone else. Everything she does is a competition with someone else. This is how she identifies herself. The person in the mirror either successfully lives up to, or fails to live up to someone else. Someone she idolizes. She knows nothing of herself, or rejects herself, or might possibly even hate herself. Maybe there is no self, or the self was suffocated long ago.

She is a chameleon, and lives her life wearing other people's identites.

Is this narcissistic, borderline, or histrionic. I know it must be one of them, just not sure which.

For all I know, this can be a part of any of these three personality disorders, and is probably not exclusive to them.

What you describe illustrates very well why I think that the common thought that NPDs/HPDs/BPDs are "self-centered" is misleading. Selfish? I don't know, maybe. But how can one be self-centered when all their thoughts and actions are based on and guided by what others think or how others react? The center of their universe is everyone but themselves. There is no real center. The "self" is denied and forgotten.

Undaunted wrote:She sits quietly in the corner of the classroom, and idolizes the girl with the flowing hair and wistful manner. She admires the styles she wishes she had had the mind to put together herself. Jealousy ensues. She starts to dress like her, carry herself like her, talk like her. Finally she gets her hair done just like her. She gets a compliment. She is satisfied.

There is a dormant period. An intermission. Maybe when classes have ended, and she goes back to her solitary, isolated lifestyle. She is depressed, unmotivated. She finds a friend on facebook. Her friend starts posting artwork. She falls in love with the work-- it moves her. She just has to outdo her friend. She starts practicing, drawing (many of them copied from her friend), and posting them. When she finally starts getting compliments, she is happy.

This type of cycle repeats itself. Always, she wears the face, image, mannerisms of someone else. Everything she does is a competition with someone else. This is how she identifies herself. The person in the mirror either successfully lives up to, or fails to live up to someone else. Someone she idolizes. She knows nothing of herself, or rejects herself, or might possibly even hate herself. Maybe there is no self, or the self was suffocated long ago.

She is a chameleon, and lives her life wearing other people's identites.

Is this narcissistic, borderline, or histrionic. I know it must be one of them, just not sure which.

I felt something inside reading this. Sorrow maybe. I related to most of all that you wrote. Especially the she gets a compliment. She is happy. As well as she wears the face, image and mannerisms of someone else. I am always looking for someone to define who I am. Or maybe it is aspects of who I want myself to be. I also am often depressed and unmotivated. I need direction and positive reinforcement to be motivated. Even then I am unsure as to if it would last.

I don't feel as though I am in competition with everyone. That holds no interest for me unless I am directly being challenged. Even then it is only done as a defense mechanism. I seek acceptance from others more so than anything. I want to fit in.

I am unsure as to how I feel about myself. I sometimes think that is because there is no ME. But yet there has to be because she hurts.

I hope that you find the answers you seek. Or at the very least some peace.

anagram wrote:For all I know, this can be a part of any of these three personality disorders, and is probably not exclusive to them.

What you describe illustrates very well why I think that the common thought that NPDs/HPDs/BPDs are "self-centered" is misleading. Selfish? I don't know, maybe. But how can one be self-centered when all their thoughts and actions are based on and guided by what others think or how others react? The center of their universe is everyone but themselves. There is no real center. The "self" is denied and forgotten.

I agree with anagram. In these PDs the self identity is shaky and so it is a full time job to create a self based on image of what others want. The chameleon doesn't have a true self to develop and refine. They are always in acting mode developing an image.

The selfishness of narcissism defines their interpersonal relationships. They are directed only by what is in it to benefit them. What are others going to do for them?

Self identity issues needs to be married with significant disturbance in the way the individual relates to others to be one of these PDs. If you see an actor, manipulator, addicted to attention or control who can operate without conscience then you are in PD territory.

There needs to be a history of failed relationships in all areas of life. A new identity can be created after each failure. Marg