coping with my narc family

I come from a family chock full of narcs, each of whom express uniquely in their own way. A few are also histrionic which adds some dimension.

I used to be in full contact with all of my family. After contact, whether over the phone or in person, individually or in groups, I would always come away with some sort of PTSD-like symptoms that would last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. I would be weighted down by disturbing events and things said. I would have trouble sleeping and old unpleasant memories of the narcissism that enveloped my childhood would trigger. I would feel depressed and negative until I could finally shake the whole thing off.

Here is an example of one such disturbing memory. My mother gathered the family around to tell everyone about funny stories from our childhood. When it was my turn she told a story about how when I was a toddler she lost sight of me while we were out in the yard one day. She thought that I might have fallen into a water tank and be drowning. She described in detail her panic and fear about seeing someone drowning. She continued her story by saying that she was just so overwhelmed that she went back to the house to get my father to check the water tank. We lived on a farm and the distance from the house to the water tank was quite far. My father came running out and looked in the water tank but I was not there. He found me a short time later, wandering somewhere on the property. To give a little background, my mother told me many times growing up that she never wanted kids, wished I was never born and could have had an abortion for me. She said these things very matter-of-factly. She never had time for me growing up and she only ever saw me as a burden to her. I interrupted her story and said "If I was in that water tank I would have drowned by the time dad got there". Her sympathy seeking story teller persona suddenly changed into enraged monster and she shot me down for stating the obvious. The fact that this wasn't in keeping with the other funny, lighthearted stories was of course never brought up.

Lately I have been avoiding my family and have been trying to find ways of communicating that work with each individual family member. I find that email seems to be fine with my mother (as long as I don't reply most of the time) but phone or in person is a disaster. I cannot communicate with any of the others at all except through other (non-narc) family members. My sister and one of my cousins don't ever make me feel those PTSD-like symptoms so I can see and talk to them freely. I used to feel shackled but I have given myself permission to do what is best for me now. I feel so much better. My family were the number one, constant source of pain in my life but now I sleep better and feel better.

Good luck, your going to need a family outside of this family