Have I Been Poisoned?

Over the past nearly year I hired a babysitter who was helping me during my pregnancy. The father wasn't around and I have two other children, and a very busy career. I really needed the help.

She appeared very very helpful, but over time various inconsistencies began to make it clear that she has a problem with compulsive lying. She also stole from me from time to time. As these events appeared minor in nature and I really needed emotional support as well as physical help, I overlooked them. Here are some instances, and there didn't seem to be any particular reason to tell the lies. Also, she appeared extremely and unusually dedicated to me personally, often commenting on my failing health. (From the date I hired her I began falling very ill.)

*Her mother had died when she was 17/16 - she later introduced me to her mother in person who was working nearby
*She had no family in the US or anywhere - later I found that she had many brothers and sisters living nearby
*Various small appliances, lotions, cosmetics coming up missing and then being observed in her home, and when mention was made, fantastic stories about how they got there or their sudden reappearance at my home where they belonged
*Dramatic and prolonged please on asking for more money, lying about having earned it, and when caught directly, doing so much as to throw herself on the floor crying at my feet, stomping in and out of the house, in general carrying on in a very dramatic and strange manner

Her helpfulness included:
*Taking me to the hospital in the middle of many nights when my symptoms became accute
*Coming over randomly in the middle of the night to "watch over" me when I reported I wasn't feeling well- taking on a heroic role
*Pointing out symptoms I wasn't experiencing, such as shaking and trembling, to encourage me to get back to the hospital ER
*Swooping me to the ER when very severe illness presented on my part, such as septicemia introduced via my PICC line

My illness, during this pregnancy, was excrutiatingly painful. This caused many painful tests, unwanted IV therapy (but which I insisted upon as a necessity of keeping a viable pregnancy!) Pain treatment, and nearly weekly hospital stays. These are my symptoms, which of note, would induce me to run to the ER and be admitted, invariably get better and better, I would get home and quickly become sicker and sicker:

*Intense gastric distress. Since I had a gastric bypass and a repair 2 and 1 year earlier respectively, as well as 3 other abdominal surgeries, it was assumed by myself that adhesions may have been the cause
*Weakness
*Visual disturbances which I kept from the doctors on fear of being called crazy
*Mental confusion
*Extreme irritability
*Depression
*Extreme fatigue

She took care of my children impeccably, but her main attachment appeared to be to me. My children also indicated things that seemed to completely contradict her care. In short, her intense care and opposite hidden characteristics caused me to become more and more dependent upon her. Soon I was unable to even walk or move about, totally immobile without the help of her arm so to speak. She moved into my house. She took control of my finances. She appeared to have complete emotional control of her boyfriend. More and more her mask slipped off. She began to be VERY controlling with me and even openly cruel. Eventually my health deteriorated to the point that a PICC line was installed with parenteral nutrition each night. After that it became infected multiple times, and my arms experienced a flesh infection from unknown cause. VERY MYSTERIOUS! And very, very deadly and painful.

Finally, when giving an induced birth (there was no more amniotic fluid due to very high blood pressure) she actually walked out of the room to accuse me to the physician of IV drug use! Then came back and cut the umbillical cord.
The above was incredible for me to believe. I could not wrap my mind around it. I was crushed, yet she again regained my trust, needling her way in, until my friends began informing me that she was calling herself my infant's mother. I was also notified by hospital staff that she was seeking unauthorized access to the infant. DCFS was notified of my suspected drug use, although no unprescribed drug was ever found in the infant's system or mine. Through DCFS I found that she had an active case, her sons were in foster care due to her physical abuse, and she had gone to jail for it. She had provided me with a false identity as a means to bypass my criminal background check. She had multiple alias's.

She was fired and broke into my house 3 times, stealing ALL my baby things. She also stole strange things such as lightbulbs, peanut butter, and toilet paper. She again attempted unauthorized access to my infant who was in NICU at the time. I found out the extent of her
intrusion through the medical records in which the nurse wrote that she indicated that she was the mother of the infant and insisted on seeing him, getting medical information over the phone, and etc. Eventually she broke into my home and stole my check book, and forged a check to herself which cleaned out my account. While the bank gave my money back immediately and I opened a new account, this was the last straw I needed. She still to this day calls my ex husband inquiring about where I am and how I am doing, if I am in the hospital, have moved, etc. He no longer takes her calls.

Can you give me your opinion: does all of the above make it seem that I was a victim of poisoning or some other abuse on her part? Psychologically, what does this look like?

Hey,

This is quite a horrendous story to read about. I mean, to learn that you have suffered all of this at her hands. I had not realised what forum we were in, but my thoughts while reading your post that it seems like Munchausen's By Proxy (which s the forum we are actually in). So, this must obviously be what you think it is too? I think it's important to try to understand why she is behaving this way thuogh. I amen't really to know the exact reasons, but typically it would be something from the person's childhood. She certainly seems to have formed an attachment to you- both good and bad - so that could indicate that she was void of love when she was younger... ...? Children who do not receive love from their parents generally end-up having skewed relationships involving attachment to one person. Obviously, there are exceptions though.

Another way to look at it is that you were the mother she wished she had and/or she respects you as a person and sees you as having achieve lots. However, she feels that she cannot emulte your achievements and that is why she tries to 'assume' your identity.

Where did you actually hire her from originally? If it was an agency, then you must obviously report everything to them. Also, besides what has already been mentioned, it sounds like she realyl has been engaging in identity theft, whewther knowingly or unknowingly. You have reported everything to the police, haven't you?

Take care,
Kevin

I got her off craigslist. I generally do a total background check, very careful as I did in this case. Only diff is that she used an alias and a false driver's license in that name. So I had no way of telling she has such an extensive record.

I have cut off all contact with her. But I worry about others around her getting sick too?? Now I have to go thru this entire DCFS investigation and even tho I tested negative for drugs so many times, this DCFS guy is being a moron and it's been nearly two months since they forced me to sign my son over to another family!!! We are all hoping my baby comes home Friday. But this is the kind of horror she has put me thru.

I did regain my health VERY quickly after I cut all contact with her. Now I walk 2 miles daily and am very active. And I EAT!! YAY!!!

You will get through all of it some day soon. Just put your head down and get things done as they come along. However, you should really report that person to the police, or at least to craigslist. If you don't, then she will probably wreck another person's life temporarily. People like her need to take a few steps back in their lives so that they can take more forward eventually.

Kevin

It was probably a bad idea to hide your visual disturbances from the doctor. Next time you see your doctor for a check-up, ask about the symptoms. He might recognize them as some kind of infection or toxin, so he could tell you whether you were intentionally poisoned or just caught something. Or if you happen to know someone who is a chemist, biologist, or doctor, ask that person.

The potential poisoning is classic Munchausen's, but a lot of the stuff doesn't fit.
She has already been arrested for abusing her own children.
She took control of your finances.
She sent you to ER for shaking when you weren't actually experiencing the symptom.
She undermined your independence to make you depend on her.
She broke into your house and stole your things.
She cleaned out your bank account.
She tries to stalk you by calling your ex.
She used an alias.
This looks a lot like Antisocial Personality Disorder to me. It seems there was a lot of financial motivation for what she did to you. Are you sure she is a compulsive liar? Compulsive lying is not the same as lying a lot. Maybe she lied to gaslight you. (Look up the term "gaslighting" if you're not already familiar with it) She might have been trying to confuse you and make you doubt your perceptions so you would rely on her to know what's going on, making you easier for her to manipulate. Gaslighting might be why *she lied about her mother being dead (or about the living person being her mother), why *she took you to ER for symptoms you weren't really experiencing, and why *she is stealing odd combinations of items from your house. If you think someone is stealing your lightbulbs and peanut butter, you must be crazy! That's what she wants you to think. *People contradict themselves on purpose to confuse others for the same reason. That way you think one thing, then find out it's not true, and stop trusting any of your own thoughts. I don't know why she would tell people she is your baby's mother. Maybe she is acting out a wish, maybe she has a scheme to get money or favors by convincing someone that she has a baby, maybe she is trying to hurt you more than she already has, or maybe she just does it for fun. She might be a predator without a conscience. Munchausen's doesn't explain all that.

Try looking for these terms
Gaslighting
Crazy-making
Antisocial Personality Disorder (this site has a forum for that, maybe post this there and see what they think)
Co-dependent (I think AsPD is more likely, but maybe she is a very twisted form of co-dependent)

If you have the resources, you might want to do something about the DCFS guy. You tested negative for drugs multiple times, and he still wouldn't leave you alone with the baby? You might be able to have him fired or reprimanded, or sue the agency. If he is doing a job of such important responsibility, he should do it right. There is probably a support group or activist group out there for reforming social work and making them do their jobs right.

I would recommend defending yourself. Get armed, at least with pepper spray, and set up a security system at your house. She might try to break in again. If you get the baby back, you have a lot to worry about, so it's a good idea to stay with someone or have someone stay with you for protection. Tell the police about the burglaries too. Tell them it has happened more than once, and that you suspect someone who might be dangerous.

I'm pretty sure there is a law against using an alias to bypass a criminal background check. Share this story with the police. There might be a similar crime unsolved and she would be a good suspect. She also cleaned out your bank account, which is fraud and/or theft. It's important to have her arrested on whatever charges possible, because she is dangerous. It doesn't matter whether it's Munchausen's or another disorder, she needs to be locked away. Have your ex answer her calls, and record them, because they may be evidence of stalking or harassment. If she has multiple aliases she is probably doing a LOT of illegal stuff. I don't know much law, but hopefully there is a way to have her banned from interacting with children, and arrested if she ever tries to babysit again.

MSbP is practically the same as Control Freakism whish is practically the same as Sadistic Personality Disorder.
These illnesses shade off into each other but here is a sixteen point checklsit for MSbP:
http://munchausenssyndromebyproxywithad ... asite.com/

Fleur, I have bookmarked the checklist you provided. My mother was a psych nurse, my Dad was a psych patient/occupational therapist and there were a lot of drugs in our home. A couple of months ago I was thinking about my compulsive teenage need to constantly scream and exercise my tight jaws. Add to that an abnormal lack of concentration in school (I was in a 'special' class for a while) and excessively tight muscles with a constant need to move and I had most of the side effects of tricyclic anti-ds in a huge way. I was even eating the forbidden foods, including drinking wine which is a no-no on tricyclics. (Aged 13) It never got addressed and was a source of amusement in the house. I was forced to 'behave' in public, or else. I had a regular babysitter who smoked dope and got drunk. One evening she said facetiously "Don't worry, I'll dope her up if she gets difficult." My intuition told me that both she and my mother had their hands in this sick little game but not until about 30 years later. It went on for three years and the symptoms stopped after Dad took his own life but I have never suspected he had anything to do with it. He never hated me. It occured to me that adults can do it to adults but the fact that someone has recognised this and devised a checklist is valuable to me since at this point I don't trust anyone.

Starbraids, I tend to agree with what others have alluded to. Gaslighting is one of the sickest, most insidious way to chip away at a person's sanity and wear them down. It can and will make a person very physically ill. The fact that you recovered so swiftly is because her toxic influence has mostly gone. Please protect yourself until she ends up dead or in jail.

Sorry, this was all about me and it is because I have just joined and have a lot to say.